A Day With The Dead

If Miracles were possible & I could spend a week with someone who has died, I'd spend that week with Marie Danels my Great-Grandma.  I'm going to assume that even though she's been gone for the past 27 years that she would have knowledge of what has gone on.  That she wouldn't be oblivious to the past nearly three decades.  Then again maybe she would be.  Maybe I'd have to catch her up on everything that has happened.  

I often wonder what she'd be like if she were still around.  I like to imagine her as I remember her.  Yet I sometimes wonder if perhaps I over romanticize.  The pondering makes me think of my late Aunt Shirley.  A woman who I always felt was on my side.  One who encouraged me & showed me support.  Her death a few months ago & more so her battle with dementia over the past few years felt like being robbed.  She was taken from us way too soon & I know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. 

I think of my cousin Marsha a lot when I think of these types of things.  Marsha's never gotten a break in her life.  She was a young kid, harshly judged & put down most of her teenage years. She was a 16 year old kid, only a junior in high school when her Grandma Norma passed away.  Then she was barely 21 when Grandma Danels passed away.  Two of the most important people in her life.  Two of the only women she had in life that encouraged her now gone. I think sometimes in life we get so wrapped up in our own lives & within our our problems we don't take the time to see the trials & tribulations that others go through.  I hate knowing all of the horrific things my cousin has had to endure in her life.  I hate knowing that for the longest time she hasn't had much of anyone to turn to.  My cousin Stacey is an open ear. An open heart but she lives far away & isn't nearby.   She still has my Grandpa Harry. He's the one remaining whose response is more than harsh judgment, ridicule & criticism.  His time is wearing thin though.  He'll be 90 soon.  

My life the past 6 months has been challenging. As a result of a tragedy I shut myself completely off from the world for a while.  At the time it included everyone.   It included Marsha.  I simply needed some alone time.  I think it made Marsha angry with me & I can understand that.  I've since gone & seen Grandpa Harry four times.  Time permitting I plan to see him again soon.  Trying to make a habit of once a month if possible.  Or at least once every other month.  I realize that once he's gone, it's done.  It's over.   I don't know who Marsha turns to after that.   People mentally & emotionally beat up on her all the time for turning towards people who exploit her & take advantage of her all the time.   They don't have encouragement or inspiration to give.  Just judgment & criticism.  

I'd hope Grandma Danels would have some advice but even if not, at least she'd be there to listen.  My aunt Shirley as well as My Uncle Greg's death both hit me really hard this past year.  Had a best friend of 11 years steal a substantial amount of money & a dream from me.  I haven't had the ability to talk to anyone about it.  Really let it out how I feel.  

I suppose that'd be day one with Grandma Danels. 

I'd want approval.  I'd want her to be proud of who I am. To be encouraging of me & to make me feel that even though I'm not rich & I didn't find that $90,000 a year job that maybe I'm still worth something. Maybe I can still amount to something.  I'd want that, but in the end regardless of what her response was, I'd want her to know me.  

Day two through Day Five would be me learning as much about her as I could.  Quizzing her all about her life & the lives of those she knew that I never knew.  I remember her telling me how she played the violin in school.  Of how on one of their first dates Grandpa Danels took her to see a professional wrestling match.  We're talking pro wrestling back in the late 20's/early 30's.  How I'd love to know the details of that.  I recall her telling me about going to the circus when she was a little girl around the time of World War I.  

Of course being the greatest cook the world has ever known, I'd selfishly ask that she treated me to at least one meal per day.  Her love of cooking, I know I'd get all three. 

Day six would be me reminding her of all of the great memories I have of her & how special of a woman she was to me as a kid. How her influence all these years later is still a huge part of who I am, how I think & how I look at life.  I think she knew how important of a Grandma she was to me upon her passing but I'd remind her of it anyway.  

Day seven would be me letting her know that I think about her often.  I wonder what life would have been like & what it'd be like if she was still around.  I'd tell her that I've never been one to hate Mondays, but in this particular case this would be a Monday that I hated.  It'd be day 8 & she'd have to go back, my week would be up.  

Grandma Danels never drove. Her entire life she had others give her rides.  I always told her that when I got older that I'd teach her how to drive.  Maybe we could do that.  If not, I like to drive.