Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Hillary and Trump (A Parody of I'll Be There For You By The Rembrandts)

NOTE - This is to the melody of I'll Be There for You by The Rembrandts

(H) - Means Hillary's part that she would sing

(T) - Means Trump's part that he would sing

(B) - Means both are singing at the same time.

THE HILLARY AND TRUMP SONG

(B) Who would have thought that the United States would ever turn out this way?
(T) You're a dope!
(H) You're a joke!
(B) It's scary to hear the things we say!
(B) Let's make ourselves very clear!
(H) Don't Vote Stein!
(T) Don't Vote Johnson!
(B) Vote for Me out of fear!!

CHORUS
(B) This is what we're going to do
(T) I'm for the rich. Not the poor
(B) This is what we're going to do
(H) I'm even nuttier than Al Gore
(B) This is what we're going to do
(B) We will screw you

(H) I am a smooth talker. I know how to race bait.
(T) And I dislike everyone. I'm so full of hate!
(B) We will say what we need to appease
(T) You're such a fake
(H) and you're such a sleaze

CHORUS

(H) You know people don't know the real me
(T) And I am so, so, so, so, so, so greedy
(B) It seems only God would know, would anyone would like me
(B) I'm the one you're better off with
(B) We both know that's a huge myth
(T) You had Bernie!
(H) You had Rand Paul!
(B) It's pretty sad that the best your party has to offer is you!!!

CHORUS




Sunday, October 2, 2016

The Top 10 Tag Teams to Never Hold the Tag Team Championship (In WWE or WCW)


Professional wrestling, much like its originator amateur wrestling, although vastly different in a numerous amount of ways, is still treated for the most part as a individual endeavor. That's why in many respects it is much easier to come up with a list of the greatest wrestlers to never hold a Heavyweight title, or other prestigious championship belt (such as the Intercontinental or U.S. Championship) than it is to think of the best teams in professional wrestling that never held the coveted tag team titles.

It's also safe to say that whether it was during the Golden era of the 60's and 70's, the booming era of the 80's and early 90's or the attitude era of the late 1990's that the big time wrestling promotions were much more generous with their tag team titles than they were with their other belts. If you go back through the history of professional wrestling, you can easily think of wrestler who never held the World's title or the belt just below it, but if that wrestler were also a tag team wrestler then he most likely held gold at some point in his career.  Examples of such, would be Gorilla Monsoon, Mr. Fuji, Ted Dibiase (his North American Championship is known by me, but let's face it. It is not officially recognized) Earthquake,and many others.

Truth of the matter is, Tag Teams have a better history of being appreciated and rewarded credential wise than individual wrestlers. When you think of the greatest tag teams of all time, many did indeed have a reign with the World's Tag Team titles. Most had more than one. Demolition, The Legion of Doom/Road Warriors, The Hart Foundation, The New Age Outlaws, Edge and Christian, Harlem Heat, The Steiners and so many more of the great tag teams we fondly remember, held gold around their waist. The Tag Teams simply don't have the sheer numbers of Jake Roberts's, Junk Yard Dog's, and Tatanka's (the best to never hold a title) that the individual ranks do.

With that said though, there are still some phenomenal tag teams throughout the history of professional wrestling that were never awarded the tag team championship.

Here are the top 10....

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10. Philip LaFon and Doug Furnas
Doug Furnas and Philip LaFon also known as the Can-Am Express, were an extremely well known and popular tag team in Japan. During their time in All Japan Pro Wrestling, the two held tag team championships  on seven occasions. They also held the ECW tag team title on one occasion as well. Unfortunately for the two, their success in Japan did not translate well when they came to the WWE in the mid 1990's. Although hopes were high for Furnas and LaFon, their reign was lackluster and short. There are two reasons for this. First and foremost, Japanese professional wrestling audiences are much different than American professional wrestling audiences. Japanese fans are fascinated by technique, suave maneuvers and in the ring wrestling. If you don't have much of a personality or any charisma, that's ok, as long as you can put it together in the ring. American audiences want flair, they want the theatrics, they want someone who can put a microphone in their hand and lure them into the arena with their words. Furnas and LaFon weren't mic guys and they weren't characters. They were simply two guys, who were although jacked and in great shape, pretty much everyday average fellas.  Secondly, "Too much too soon." Furnas and LaFon were immediately shoved into the spotlight as a top tag team before WWE audiences had a chance to get to know and absorb them. They were also turned heel way too soon as well. It'd be nice to think that if they had stuck around a while longer they would have eventually caught on, but it's more honest to say that they probably wouldn't have. They just weren't what the American audience wanted. Thankfully, their talents were well recognized and appreciated in Japan.


9. The Orient Express 

It begs the question. When the Orient Express is mentioned, are we talking Pat Tanaka and Akio Sato or Pat Tanaka and Kato? Nothing against Sato, as he was a fine wrestler in his own right, but in terms of chemistry and skill in combination with Pat Tanaka, hands down Kato was better. Many laugh when thinking of the Kato version of the Orient Express with a masked Paul Diamond, to hide the fact that he was Croatian and not Japanese, but the two were a genuinely good tag team. Also known as Badd Company throughout their years of teaming together, the two were able to capture the American Wrestling Association tag team titles shortly before the company went out of business. Unfortunately they never had the same success in the WWE.

The Orient Express had two things going against them. In comparison to the other tag teams at the time, they were small. Tanaka was one of  the shortest wrestlers on the roster. Although years later, WWE would have a place for the 5'6 Rey Mysterio Jr's and the 5'8 Eddie Guerrero's, at the time the 5'10 Tanaka looked up at everyone else. With the huge well over six foot tall and in the 275 to well over 300 lbs a piece wrestlers that made up the other tag teams, there was no way Vince McMahon was putting the titles on the much smaller Orient Express. It also doesn't help that the tag team was Asian, during a time when with exception to The Great Muta, the only place it was well popular to push an Asian was in Japan.
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8. The Killer Bees 
Talented both in and out of the ring, popular among the fans and fitting the criteria of an mid/late 80's tag team, it is surprising that the Killer Bees never had a tag team title reign during their three year stint in the WWE. The most logical explanation as to why, is that the WWE was abundant with tag teams at the time. There were so many good tag teams, that it was inevitable that at least a few of them would go without ever holding the gold. It just so happens, that the Killer Bees were one of them.
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7. The Twin Towers 

Putting a grumpy and abusive law enforcement officer and a white man forced into a gimmick where he had to play a white man who wanted to be black, seemed like an odd combination. And it was. The thinking behind the tag team was most likely that the WWE needed a big, scary tag team at the time and both being heels and extremely large men, The Big Bossman and Akeem were thrown together. It would have made sense to have had the Twin Towers defeat the Demolition for the WWE tag team titles and to have had Demolition eventually win them back in a feud. However, it never happened. Bossman turned face a short time later, had a few short but memorable matches with Akeem, and that was the end of it.
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6. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers 

Popular and well received as both faces and heels, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers are one of the best tag teams to never win the WWE tag team titles. Now many fans will point out that they did indeed win the WWE tag team titles from the Hart Foundation in 1987, but the decision was later reversed and their title reign is not recognized in any official record books. Therefore, they remain on the list as one of the best to never hold the belts. Much like the Killer Bees, this was due in part to their being so many remarkable tag teams in the WWE at the time. It is also a fact that Raymond Rougeau retired relatively early into his career and the tag team abruptly ended prematurely. Had they been around for a while later, it is most likely that they would have captured the tag team titles at least on one occasion.
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5. The Faces of Fear 



The Faces of Fear are the most unique tag team on this list of Top 10 Tag Teams to Never Hold the Tag Team Championship, because their placement on the list is more of a reflection of their career in WCW than it is their career in the WWE. Although they did team together in the WWE, it was more of a thrown together makeshift occurrence, than it was a well established tag team. It was WCW who took the idea and made it into something memorable. As well as Meng/Haku and The Barbarian worked together, they are about the only tag team in the 10 years of WCW from 1991-2001, that had a fair amount of success who never held the WCW tag team titles. WCW was a minefield of mistakes and missed opportunities during the time the Faces of Fear were around and not putting the belts on them was one of the many errors made during this time.
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4. The Powers of Pain 

Huge, massive, extremely muscular, good in the ring and they had the devious Mr. Fuji as a manager. The Powers of Pain had anything and everything that a late 1980's WWE tag team would want or need. Two problems though. They looked and acted too much like the popular Road Warriors and it seems that although people could handle a world with both Pepsi and Coca Cola being sold in the same cooler, they couldn't handle a world where professional wrestling had two large, face painted tag teams with similar gimmicks. Throw in that the WWE already had Demolition, the Powers of Pain, although unique in their own right, were never going to be seen as anything more than rip-off's. It's a shame too, because the Warlord and The Barbarian worked rather well together and neither seemed to have the same charm as individuals that they did as a tag team. It's unfortunate for the Barbarian as he was twice in a tag team that should have held gold, but never did.
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3. Power and Glory 
The WWE did a lot of things right over the years. Take one look at all of the success they have had in well over 50 years of entertaining us and it'd be easy to come up with 100's of times that the WWE saw and capitalized on an opportunity. With that said, among all the many successes and triumphs, that the WWE has had, they have made their fair share of mistakes and failures. One of these failures was not utilizing the talents, skills and popularity of the heel tag team, Power and Glory. Hercules raw power and no nonsense demeanor complimented the arrogant and narcissistic Paul Roma to a T. The two were a perfect match for one another and could easily be the hated opposition to any fan favorite tag team whether it be the Hart Foundation, The Rockers or the Legion of Doom. Had the WWE pushed the tag team and given them a much deserved tag team title reign, perhaps both Roma and Hercules would have stayed in the WWE a lot longer.

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2. The Bushwackers 

Kids, adults, grandparents, even the girlfriends who were dragged to the wrestling matches by their diehard fan boyfriends loved the Bushwackers. They are one of the most popular and beloved tag teams to ever be in professional wrestling and it is inexcusable that in a 8 year span with the WWE, that they never held the WWE tag team championship. Yes they were a comedy tag team, used primarily for comic relief, but they should have held the tag titles on at least one occasion. Matter of fact, if their were a record for the tag team that had the most non-title match victories over tag team champions, the answer would have to be the Bushwackers. Luke and Butch for example had televised non-title match victories over the Body Donnas. Perhaps the Bushwackers, who were also known as The Sheepherders, were not the type to have a long, illustrious affair with the tag team championship, but they still deserved at least one title reign, even if it had been a short one.


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1. The Rockers 
If you ask any hardcore professional wrestling fan or historian to name the top ten or even the top five tag teams of all time, nearly every one of them will include The Rockers somewhere on the list. Without a doubt, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty, are the most popular tag team in the history of the WWE to never hold the tag team titles. Arguably, next to the Legion of Doom and Demolition, they are the most popular tag team of all time. Why they were never given a reign as champions is due to many factors, some legitimate and understandable and some not. Again, they were small during a time when the WWE was full of giants. Even though they operated in a believable way, conducting double team maneuvers like double dropkicks, and double side kicks to hut their opponents, WWE believed that no one would buy the small Rockers beating teams like The Twin Towers, The Legion of Doom or the Natural Disasters.

Yet, the WWE couldn't ignore the Rockers immense popularity either and they gave in, putting the belts on the Rockers in a two out of three falls match against the Hart Foundation. Unfortunately for Michaels and Jannetty, the top rope broke during the match and the match was never televised. Wanting a wanting to leave Jim Neidhart to stay, the WWE stripped the belts off of the Rockers and handed them back to the Hart Foundation. The title change was never recognized by the WWE and fans wouldn't find out that the match even took place until years later.

A short time later, Shawn turned on Jannetty in one of the most infamous moments in professional wrestling history when he threw Jannetty through a glass window on an episode of Brutus Beefcake's "The Barbershop."  Shawn went on to have one of the most successful and decorated careers in the WWE, while Jannetty had a career of woulda, shoulda and coulda moments, that never accumulated into the success that he was well capable of.