Before Shirley got sick, I used to stop by and visit her every time I went back to Sigourney. Some people were a "if I have time to" visit. Shirley was always a "I'll make time whether I have it or not" visit. Some in my family can be rather judgmental. See you for what you are. What job your doing. What kinda money your making. What kinda car your driving. It's image & material for them. Not Shirley. Whether I was pulling in the big bucks working for Iowa One Call or I was struggling to get by on the chickenfeed you make as a cab driver, I was always just Stephen to her. She saw me for who I am. For my morals & my values. For the kind of friend I was to people. For the way I treated cats and dogs. Shirley never saw me as the went to college got a degree but failed to make it in life loser that others have portrayed me to be. Shirley always saw me as the nephew she was proud of. No matter how down I got on myself, Shirley never allowed me to be negative around her. She always reminded me of my good qualities & all of the positives I had. I'd often tell her that I couldn't wait for the day when I did make it to the top & to see who all was laughing at me then. She always said to me that while she hoped one day I did make it, that even if I never do, as far as she's concerned I'm already a winner.
Truth is, Shirley was never negative about anyone. It used to piss me off to be honest. I'd listen to others run Shirley into the dirt. Make fun of her, criticize her, ridicule her, you name it. She knew it too. She knew what they were saying but she never said anything in return. I would. People wanted to have their negative opinions about Shirley & it'd fire me up. The unfairness of it. The hypocrisy of it. It'd pull the pin on this grenade and I'd explode. Yet Shirley never did. I mean you had to do something absolutely horrific. I'm talking to the level of beat a child or shoot a dog in the head before Shirley would ever say anything negative about you. She was always positive. Always had positive things to say about others, even when they had nothing positive to say about her.
The two titles Shirley loved above anything else were "mom" & "grandma." In my life I've never known a person more proud of their kid than Shirley was of Stacey. From the time I was a little kid up until Shirley got ill, not only was Shirley always positive about Stacey, she was always very enthusiastic about her too. It was always how smart Stacey was. How hard of a worker Stacey was. How proud she was of Stacey. Every time I was around Shirley she was always telling me what Stacey was doing & how excited she was about Stacey's life.
As to being Jace's "Grandma" it's an honor that Shirley wouldn't have traded for the world. She loved, loved, LOVED being Jace's grandma. I'm telling you if you put in front of Shirley Stonebraker $100,000,000 or getting to be Jace's Grandma, you'd have your decision in less than a microsecond. She'd choose to be Jace's Grandma. Being Stacey's mom & Jace's Grandma were the two most important things Shirley's life. If you were ever around her, even for just a few minutes, you knew that.
The thing about family is, you don't get to pick them. You get what you get. Yet if I did get to pick an aunt, Shirley is one that I would've picked. Maybe she never had a great job. Maybe she never made a lot of money. Maybe she made some mistakes in life. That's fine. Maybe that's how some saw her and how some will remember her. Not me. I remember a woman that always wanted to know others were welcome in her home. That always had positive things to say about others. Who always lent an ear whenever you needed someone to listen. That's who I remember.
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