Thank You Elton John

 

You know I try not to let rather trivial matters bother me much, but in this particular instance I can't help it. Elton John is my all time favorite singer & I regret that I never got around to seeing him perform before he retired. I also regret that my Dad gave up what could have been a very memorable & special night for him, as he once turned down an Elton John concert on my behalf. 

It was all the way back in 1996. My Dad had taken my sister & I out to New Jersey to visit his Aunt Verna & all of his cousins. His cousin Jeff had gotten Elton John/Billy Joel concert tickets for a show in Philadelphia & invited my Dad to go. Dad told Jeff that he wouldn't go without me. It meant a lot to me that my Dad wanted seeing Elton John to be a special moment to share with me. It still does. However, looking back, I do wish he would have taken Jeff up on his offer. You don't realize it when you're young, but as you get older it dawns on you that our special times with our cousins are so few and far between. Especially when they live so far apart. I really wish that my Dad would've taken Jeff up on that offer. Not only for what would have been my Dad's only time of seeing his favorite singer, but also because it would have been a special moment between him and his cousin Jeff. 

Elton John was such a fixture in my life growing up. Do I know every single one of his songs? No, I don't. But the songs of his that I do know, I cherish each one of them. Mentally, emotionally & dare I say as an agnostic spiritually, Elton John was there for me so many different times in my life. His music spoke to me. It moved me. It challenged me and it changed me.  So yeah, is it petty & juvenile to be genuinely upset, angry & a bit depressed that I never got around to seeing him live? I can't deny that it isn't. Yet as I've often come to find with many issues, feelings don't always coincide with thoughts. There are far more important issues in the world than Stephen Stonebraker never getting around to see Elton John in concert. I'm well aware of that, but nevertheless, I'm still upset about it. 

When I say each one of his songs that I knew was a staple in my life, I mean that. I will go through each one to explain. 

Tiny Dancer 

This one brings me way back.  My mom & Dad got divorced in November of 1991.  Dad moved out of the house shortly before Thanksgiving & that year I had two separate Christmases.  One at my mom's house & one at my Grandpa Harry's house where my Dad lived until he got a place of his own. This was also the year I began wrestling. It's funny to many how I can have such fond & happy memories of a sport that in all sense of reality, I was never good at. What does all of this have to do with TINY DANCER by Elton John? Dad & I drove all over the state of Iowa participating in wrestling tournaments. To & from, TINY DANCER is a song that we listened to multiple times every trip.  Every time I hear this song, I'm 7 years old again, headed to a wrestling tournament. 

Your Song

YOUR SONG reminds me of my formative years in college, when I began to really take hold of who I was civilly and socially. College was a tough & challenging time for me. I had thought I made the right choice by choosing Northwestern College, but I found out soon enough that I had not. Looking back, I wonder if a part of it was because I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did. Or maybe it was that I was to go through a dramatic change that I wasn't prepared for. I'm not sure. What I am sure of, is that YOUR SONG helped me to make a stand one day for something that I strongly believed in.  Northwestern College during the time I attended was a deeply religiously conservative institution. Homosexuality was frowned upon & homosexual were not well received. A lot of hateful language spewed.  There was a girl in particularly who had a lot of negative opinions about homosexuals & she was very keen on making her position known. "Hell fire and brimstone for the gays!"  In America we have the first amendment, which grants each one of us the right to express ourselves through the freedom of speech. However, as I told her, who ironically enough with a very gifted singing voice enjoyed belting out, YOUR SONG, why would you want such a horrendous fate for someone who had co-written a song your obviously a big fan of? I found it obtuse that someone who had such disdain for homosexuals would show off her immense skill of singing, with a song by a homosexual. I'm not sure what effect I had on her by pointing this out to her, other than pissing her off in the moment. Maybe that's all it did for her. For me though, it had a more monumental effect. It made me realize that I care more about being fair & just to the character of people, than I do using scripture to justify harsh criticism, judgement & action against them for their sexuality. If there be a God & he has that much of a problem with it, then it's his business to deal with, not mine. If he has a problem with me defending homosexuals, befriending them & being an ally of them, I'm ok with that.  Be there a God, I'd rather stand in front of him with him pissed off at me that I was a friend, than I would stand before him knowing I had been an asshole.  "You weren't as much of a prick to gays as you should have been!" I know many who do believe this, but to me it is just asinine.  If God is real, I can't see him holding this position.  But for those of you that think he does.... May he kick me hard in the ass on my way down to Hell yelling those very words. 

Benny & The Jets

Personally I like this song, but it always brings up a funny memory for me.  My Dad, being the biggest Elton John fan I know, for some reason hated this song. He loved damn near everything Elton John, but not BENNY & THE JETS.  I can remember sitting at his house & he'd have 4 Elton John CD's playing on his master stereo system.  He'd be in the kitchen cooking supper, or he'd be on the couch taking a nap, or maybe he'd be downstairs doing a load of laundry.  Didn't matter what he was doing, once BENNY & THE JETS came on, he'd jog to the stereo & immediately skip it to the next song.  I remember once flipping through the channels one night after school.  Elton John was on Oprah.  Dad came in the room and started watching it with me.  After asking him some questions, Oprah asked him to play a song. What did he pick? BENNY & THE JETS.  Dad snatched the remote out of my hand, changed the channel & waited about 3 minutes. Once he thought the song was over, he turned it back. 

The Bitch Is Back 

I'm no Weird Al Yankovich, but I have always enjoyed writing parodies of songs. The Bitch is Back was one of the first ones I ever wrote. We had a kid in our class named Mitchell Hammes, who during Health Class one day expressed to us that he wished he was black. He was convinced that if he were black, all of the girls at school that he was interested in would want him.  I found this to be rather comical, so I took THE BITCH IS BACK & I made a parody of it. Don't remember all of it, but I can still recite one of the lines. 

"Oh Mitch, Oh Mitch, Oh Mitchell wanna be black. Masta P or Tupac as a matter of fact." 

Can You Feel The Love Tonight

There have been times when my Dad has liked me, but he didn't like my sister Sara. Then there have been times when my Dad liked Sara, but he didn't like me.  Times when Sara & I liked each other, but we didn't like my Dad.  Times when Dad didn't like either one of us. Times when I liked my Dad, but I didn't like Sara. Times when Sara liked me, but didn't like my Dad. Times when Sara liked Dad, but didn't like me.  Pretty much every combination you can think of. The one that has had the least amount of times in our lives? The time when between my Dad, my sister & I we all like each other. It's been such a rarity, that if it wasn't for CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT, I probably wouldn't remember.  

The song was very popular when it first came out.  Seems like it was played on the radio all the time. One night my sister & I were listening to it.  We had never heard the term vagabond before. We had no idea what it meant. So we called my Dad up on the phone. He explained what a vagabond was to us & I remember being so impressed that he knew. My Dad at least back in those days, always devalued his intelligence because he didn't have a college degree. Yet despite his lack of a college education, my dad in many ways was a very smart man. 

Candle In The Wind

CANDLE IN THE WIND was always the song that humanized Elton John to me. The song that reminded me that he was once Reggie Dwight, a young kid who had his heroes he looked up to, the same way I looked up to him.  "From a young man in the 22nd row, who saw you as something more than sexual. More than just our Marilyn Monroe."   I've always loved that line.  It speaks volumes of how what a person is, may very be why we know them, but it is WHO a person is, that often leads to why we love them. 

Crocodile Rock

CROCODILE ROCK has much the same sentiment that TINY DANCER does. It was one of those songs that whether we were traveling to/from a wrestling practice, a wrestling tournament or a theatre practice or a theatre performance, it was one we always listened to. I'm a very nostalgic person. One who tries to hold on to the good parts of life as long as I can & often looks back on them with fond memories once they're over.  It's a bittersweet song about longing for the past, which is something I often do. 

Circle Of Life

Depression has been a big part of my life. Happy to say we don't spend as much time together as we used to. There was a time in my life when we were joined at the hip. As Chucky would say, "we were f'n inseparable."  I'd like to believe a day might come when depression is nothing more for me than a memory. Something I haven't seen in a long time & never will again. I don't think that will ever happen. I think despondency will always a find a way to dance its way into my life. Music can often help get through these troublesome times. I've always found CIRCLE OF LIFE to be a song of hope. A song of inspiration. One that I've often turned to in times of despair. 

Daniel 

I've always loved this song.  I've loved it for well over 30 years. Yet it's within the last 15 years that the song has taken on new meaning for me. As I said earlier in this post, my time at Northwestern College was a very challenging time in my life. One that would have been so much more difficult had it not been for a select few people. One of those people was my best friend during my college years, Cheung Yeung "Dan" Kim. When I hear DANIEL, I immediately think of him.  I've never known anyone in my life that was more like me than Dan. I don't think I ever will either. I haven't heard from him in over 15 years now. I have no idea what happened to him. Not sure if I'll ever find out, but I miss him. He had a real impact on my life. 

Don't Go Breaking My Heart 

I try and remember back as far as I can sometimes.  What are my first memories of life?  The first things I saw? The first things I heard? DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART brings these thoughts, visions, sounds and smells back to me. I'm not even sure why, but when the song comes on the radio, I'm three years old again. 

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

On a very serious note, this song speaks to the depths of my inner being. You hear lyrics sometimes, and even though you've never met the person & they know nothing about you, you can't help but think they were writing about your life.  I'm growing tired and time stands still before me is a line that describes how I've felt most of my adult life.  I can't tell you how many times in my life, when it comes to my goals & my dreams, I've felt that the sun was specifically going down on me.  

On a more humorous note, the song involved a mondegreen for my father when it first came out back in 1974. He was a freshman in high school, already a huge Elton John fan.  The actual lyrics were, don't discard me. Yet my Dad couldn't make out what Elton was saying. He swore he was saying, don't fart on me. He knew good & well that couldn't have been the actual line, but he wondered for years what was really being sang. We didn't have the handy dandy internet nearly 50 years ago, so it wasn't until he got a cassette with lyrics written in the paper that he finally learned what was actually being said. 

Elderberry Wine

Now we'll talk about one of my mondegreens, even though I think it was more me being biased than anything else.  For years I always would sing along with this song saying, "Echelberry" wine.  Echelberry was my Great Grandma Alta Stonebraker's last name before she got married. 

Empty Garden 

Five years before I came into this world, John Lennon was shot & killed by Mark David Chapman. An incident that had a monumental effect as well as an aftermath that lingers to this very day. Elton has done such a good job of keeping the memory of those he cared about alive through his music. Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana & here John Lennon.  Through poetic metaphor the song speaks of how Chapman's assassination of Lennon, did more than kill Lennon. It effected how all celebrities interact with their fanbase. We started seeing a lot more bodyguards & protection. We started seeing celebrities interact with their fans less and less. Chapman created a stigma of fear. Elton captures all of this so eloquently in this beautiful song. 

Funeral For a Friend 

My Dad whether he would ever be open & honest about it or not, has also suffered from depression. Not sure if it's still something that he deals with now or not. What I do know is that he dealt with it a lot while I was growing up. He responded to it much differently than I did. During my high school years was when it seemed the worst. Many nights were full of him yelling and screaming about how much he hated life. About how unfair it was to him. I'd often get in trouble at school for letting shits, hells, damns, ect slip in my everyday speech. It was hard not to when you'd hear your Dad scream, "mother f'er" 100 times a night. It was emotionally draining & often times my only escape from it was music.  Dad loved FUNERAL FOR  FRIEND. It was one of those songs I could blare on the stereo on repeat to drown out his nightly rants. 

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

I'll forever cement this song in my memory as the first vacation that my sister Sara & I took with my Dad after my parents' divorce. In the same trip where my Dad turned down the Elton John concert, on the flight from Chicago to Philadelphia, they had headphones so you could listen to music. I swear Goodbye Yellow Brick Road must have played at least a dozen times.  

Honky Cat

For the younger generation, the cassette tape & how they worked might not be something they grasp or fully understand. In "newer" cars there was a button you could push that would stop a song at the start, should you rewind or fast forward. With older cars, you kinda had to guess.  On a particular cassette of my Dad's, HONKY CAT came right before one of the songs my Dad liked more.  I always heard the tail end of HONKY CAT, asking if we could listen to the whole thing. It was years and years before I heard the song in its entirety. 

I Guess That's Why The Call It The Blues 

I can't tell you how many times during a challenging time in my life, I went out got into my car & drove around jamming out to this classic. 

Sad Songs (Say So Much)

This song holds a very special place in my heart, because it reminds me of the importance of writing about and sharing about the negatives in our lives. I'm often told & I often hear other people talk about always trying to be positive & always writing about positive things. I think it's good be positive & it's good to keep an optimistic attitude.  But it's also foolish, dishonest & irresponsible to ignore the pain, the misery and the suffering. These are all a part of life. We all feel these things & go through these emotions. A part of what makes them tolerable is knowing we're not alone in feeling them.  I've already written about a few painful memories in this dedication to Elton. Some might have the attitude that I should have kept those out. No I shouldn't have. They were a very real part of my life & Elton John, through his music helped me to get through them.  That's a very real thing & SAD SONGS is a reminder of that. 

I'm Still Standing 

I can't tell you the number of times in my life I've had people come into my life, knock me down & hope that I never get up. I think one of the reasons I have such large, well defined triceps is because of all the times I've had to push myself up off the ground. Life's knock me on my ass so many times, but at the end of the day I'M STILL STANDING. 

Rocket Man 

I've wanted to be successful & famous my entire life. As you get older, people want you to not only keep such a dream to yourself, but it's almost as if they insist that you become as bitter & dismissive as they are. I've felt drained myself many times over the years, but never enough to try and suck the life out of others. That's a human trait that I'm glad to say I'm missing.  From wrestling, to pro wrestling, to acting, to writing, I've always wanted my talents & my work to shine. I've spent so much time thinking about the pros & the positives of finally making.  Finally getting to that point in life I've longed for, that I haven't taken much, if any time at all to consider the cons and the negatives.  ROCKET MAN helped me to do that. To take into consideration the lows & the prices paid for such a life, should it ever happen. The pressures & the responsibilities.  

On a more humorous note, I have a funny story concerning ROCKET MAN. Even though I can't sing & have absolutely no musical talent at all, I can often my caught off in my own world singing to myself. One day during my freshman year of college I was standing in line at the Cafeteria. I was singing ROCKET MAN.  Suddenly a student from Kenya named Franklin Yarty turned around and looked at me. 

"Shut up. You are horrible. Nobody want to listen to you." 

That's been almost 20 years ago & it still brings a huge smile to my face. 

Levon 

And here we have my all time favorite Elton John song. I don't know if I can think of an opening that I love more than the beginning piano.  There are so many reasons I love this song. I'm not even sure if I know them. For one, I love the creativity & imagination of this song. It's all made up. Levon comes from one of Elton's favorites of all time Levon Helm of The Band. Which ironically enough, is also a favorite of mine. To further the coincidence, David Perner who wrote my all time favorite song RUNAWAY TRAIN list Elton John as one of his favorites.  I suppose it does make sense, but I didn't know any of this for years.  It's simply that RUNWAY TRAIN, LEVON & THE WEIGHT were three of my all time favorite songs & years later I learned that Elton was a fan of Levon & David was a fan of Elton's.  I guess when I hear the song, I think of people & how we all have our stories. Levon, Alvin & Jesus Tostig may not be real people, but nevertheless their story resonates because it is so relatable.