I've lived in this state my entire life, and most of the time that's fine by me. But in late fall when the sky fills with birds migrating south for the winter, traveling thousands of miles, I get homesick for places I've never been. Places like southern California. In my life I've had two friends of mine that spent a significant amount of time in Southern California. Dennis Doderer who has been one of my best friends since I met him in 2007, lived in Southern California from 1973 until 2003. After graduating from City High in Iowa City, he attended Michigan State from 1967-1971. He moved back to Iowa City for a year, working a few different jobs, one of which included laying black top roads around Sharon Center, Kalona and Hills that always make me think of him every time I take them. He decided in the spring of 1973 that he wanted to try his hand at making it as an actor and writer in Hollywood.
I live vicariously through a man who was a year and a half older than I am right now the day I was born. He tells stories of the life he lived living in various parts of Los Angeles, including South Pasadena. I'm sure he over exaggerates for dramatic effect, but I can't help but notice the glimmer in his eyes each time he reminisces about his experiences there. Getting to meet and mingle with celebrities. Getting to walk his dogs or go for a jog in the middle of February. He never woke up to eight inches of snow like what we have now. Sure the traffic sucked and the crowds could be overbearing but if excitement and adventure were what you craved, there was never a shortage.
I think to myself that maybe it's not so much the location I desire as much as it is the situation. Des Moines is a neat place. A place that does a piss poor job of advertising and promoting itself, but still a community with fun and interesting things to do, if you know who to talk to and where to look. I think if my life were to ever get to a point of financial stability that I would find myself enjoying what the state of Iowa refers to as a city. Yet I also wonder if I am to forever be one to struggle in terms of economic standing, if I'd enjoy living paycheck to paycheck in a warmer environment. The bitter cold, with it's crappy driving conditions doesn't appeal to me at all. I like the idea of being able to walk the dog or go for a jog 365 days a year. I'm sure my bicycle would rather be used all fifty two weeks, rather than getting shut up in the garage for nearly half the year.
My friend Steve, who I haven't seen in five years lived somewhere along the coast line. It wasn't a city I am familiar with and for the life of me I can't remember the name of it. Steve never had a cell phone and the last time I tried to call him, I found out that he had moved. I'm not even sure if he lives in Coralville or not. All I can remember is that he longed to one day move back to California, if the opportunity ever came up again.
He loved living there every bit as much as Dennis did, but for much different reasons. He didn't live in the hustle and bustle of L.A. He lived in a quieter area. One where he often went fishing or for a boat ride on the lake he lived near by. While not a swimmer, Steve loved the water. During spring and summer in Iowa City, he seemed to think Iowa was an okay place to be. Whether it was the Coralville reservoir or just going out and admiring the river from a bridge, he made peace with his surroundings. During the winter, when the water froze over, he'd cuss the cold with every breath. He hated heavy jackets. He hated gloves, he hated winter hats. He even seemed to hate the fact that his car had a heater. Not that he wasn't thankful for it on our joyful negative 22 degree nights, but bitter at the fact that he lived in an area where it was so desperately needed.
I have a goal to be out of Iowa and to live in a warmer climate before the clock strikes midnight on the 31st of December, 2023. I'll be an old man, nearly forty and maybe that's a blessing in disguise. I'd be lying to you if I said that I wasn't resentful, because I am. I always thought succeed, fail or something in between that I'd always make a real go for it as an actor and a writer myself. I never saw myself as a leading man or anything even remotely close to it. People hear me say that I wish I could've gone out to Hollywood at some point in my life and they get this idea in their head that I think I would have been a major star or something. I suppose I am that confident as a writer. I do think screenplays I've written are good enough to be box office hits, but I never thought of myself that way as an actor. What I pictured was sharing an itty bitty space with another dreamer, working odd jobs, having that one episode of FRIENDS where I was on screen for 15 seconds in a 23 minute long episode. Maybe I would've gotten lucky. Maybe I would've became something. I don't know. I never will. Instead of getting to go out and try, I ended up being imprisoned by student loans that kept my feet cemented within their cell here in Iowa. I think that's another reason I want to get out so much.
Anymore, California doesn't excite me as much as it used to. I still believe and for that matter still work on my end as a writer. The chances are slim, but I think it's even more ludicrous as well as ridiculous to give up than it is to keep trying. I get where the quitters are coming from. It is highly unlikely that I ever walk into a cinema to watch something that I wrote. The day I attend a play in New York City, it most likely won't be to watch characters I thought up of in my head. I'll continue to write novels and novellas, and I'll be lucky if I ever get any published, let alone see them on the top 25 best seller lists. I get that. Yet, this is what I want out of life. This is who and what I want to be. To me it is insane to give up and be content with it never happening. To have but this one life, this one and only opportunity and to not at least try? That may be something most people get and understand. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't want to either.
It's funny to me that in all the years of dreaming of making it as a big time writer and as an actor, that I always pictured myself in California. I guess New York has always been a bit of a turn off for me. For one, I've never had any close friends from New York. While both seem overcrowded and overwhelming, Los Angeles has always seemed more friendly and welcoming than the Big Apple. New York is also theatre, and theatre in comparison to film, seems to be more musically inclined. I can't dance. I CAN NOT sing and I sure as Hell can't write music to accompany a script. The thought of being ostracized by some little prick that can't write dialog or structure a scene to save his life, just because he can sing, has always been a major turn off to me. And frankly, why I put New York out of my head over twenty-five years ago when these dreams first began to enter my mind.
When the time comes for me to move, I'd love for the current project my friend Jason Janes and I are working on to take off. We have developed a television series entitled WE HAVE EVERYTHING. Thus far we have six screenplays intended for hour long episodes. I've written five and Jason's written one. Which is perfect because he envisions himself as a director and post production editor where anymore, my entire focus is as a writer. The episodes of WE HAVE EVERYTHING will most likely never go beyond the page. A handful of people will read them and that will be the entirety of their exposure. Nevertheless little brings me more to life than when I write an episode. We send in our ideas to various markets. We had Amazon actually give us a call back once on another idea that we worked on three years ago. Granted we only had one call back and one request to do a rewrite but it was still a call back. A call back that proves that maybe having these dreams and these lofty goals isn't as far fetched as some would like to believe.
If that were to happen, then maybe California is still on the list. As for now though, I'm beginning to long for Atlanta, Georgia. A city that from what I see is affordable and welcoming to writers, actors, directors, ect with opportunities to boot. Great weather and while nothing compared to Iowa, a decent amateur wrestling presence. High schools in the area including Marietta and Shorter college with a competitive team only an hour's drive.
Tennessee is a state that I really enjoyed visiting. Been told by others that parts of Arizona would be appealing to me as well. Really at this point with exception to Mississippi, about anywhere where it doesn't get drastically cold, icy or freezing appeals to me at this point.
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