Analyzing PET SEMATARY to death

PET SEMATARY is making its way back to the big screen in a little less than half a year.  The reimagining, as they call them now will be making its way to theaters across the country this April. Believe it or not, it's a film I have to prepare for.  It's not one that I can simply go to and watch. I have to mentally as well as emotionally prepare myself to watch it.

You see the 1989 film is what I consider to be the scariest film I have ever seen.  Terrifying and above all disturbing. Like the wendigo within the story, it "f's" with me all it wants to, in jumbling emotions in my head. The tragic shock of Gage's death, into the aching pain of grief, that manifest its way into bone chilling fear. Like the ground turned sour, the terror built up within my body is frozen, stony and solid.

As I watched the film though, I found myself being rather critical of it. I suppose it is my way of getting my mind off of the depression and gut wrenching horror of the core of the story. If I can remove myself as simply a viewer, and look at the film as a fellow writer, I can remind myself as I need to, that this is simply a story. None of this is real. None of this really happened. It's nothing more than the imagination of Stephen King.

The first thing I have to say is that while Stephen King is damn near impeccable as a novelist, he's a shadow of himself as a screenwriter. Whereas he leaves nothing out in his novel, even at times seeming too detailed, he omits way too much information, valuable information in his screenplay. 

As I read the novel, most of what didn't make sense in the film, came together.  Most of the questions I had, were answered.   Let me address them now.

The Character of Victor Pascow seems pointless or even detrimental 

In the film, Victor Pascow seems pretty pointless. It seems at first that he is like a warning telling the Titanic it is headed into a field of ice, but then seems to steer the ship straight towards the burg.  Why didn't he warn Jud of Gage's presence? Why if his intention of trying to get Rachel back home, so she could prevent Louis from burying Gage in the Micmac burial ground, did he seemingly lead her to her death?  If you watch the film, it's hard to conclude otherwise. He lures her back to Ludlow, essentially leading her to Jud's home and ultimately to her death.  It's almost as if he knew that were to happen and as if he wanted it.

In the novel, he's not as much of a presence. Yet his purpose still seems a bit questionable.  He says, "I'm only allowed to warn, I'm not allowed to interfere" in both adaptations of the story.  Why?  For story's convenience is why, but it would be interesting to see if King has an actual answer to this question.  Is the Wendigo too powerful for Pascow to face? Is it God preventing Pascow from interfering.  Although King never comes out and outright says this, it's almost a play on the Biblical belief of free will. As if Louis Creed has to make his own choice. He has to make the decision in what to do or not to do, and upon that decision should he face the consequences of his action.

Why the ground turned sour.

In the film, all we know is that the Micmac burial ground turned sour years ago and has demonic, magical power. We don't know how or when it became that way, but we know it is that way. In the novel, it is explained in detail that during a winter famine, the Micmacs dug up bodies buried their and ate them to avoid starvation. A Wendigo came in, cursing the ground and turning it sour.

Jud having Louis bury Church 

In the film, Jud dragging Louis up to the Micmac burial ground to bury Church seems to be rather idiotic. Knowing what we know, it not only seems to go against Jud's better judgment but it outright makes Jud look like an imbecile. In the film when he buries his dog Spot, the dog comes back rabid, mad and vicious. He makes it clear upon Spot's second death, that this time he let a dead dog lie.  With that prior information, why would he have Louis bury Church?  I already know an answer you might give me. Because Ellie wasn't ready to deal with his death yet, and in response to that answer, I'll say that the novel made more sense. A lot more sense.

First and foremost the novel includes the character of Jud's wife, Norma who is essential to the plot of Jud's decision. During the events of the book, Norma suffers a heart attack and Louis saves her life.  In a debt of gratitude for saving Norma, Jud feels compelled to repay Louis for his good act. Therefore when Church dies, it makes sense when Jud takes Louis to the Micmac burial ground to bury Church. A life for a life if you will.

Secondly, in the film, when Spot comes back from the burial ground, he's rabid, mad and aggressive. Viscous and growling. In the book, he comes back rather docile.  A once lively and happy dog, now lethargic and mundane.  Lifeless, but not threatening.  Jud describes giving him a bath like washing a piece of meat. In the book Jud's experience with his dog was depressing, but he never felt in danger because of the dog. He never feared the dog.  It made more sense why he was trusting of the Micmac burial ground to bring Church back, than what it did in the film.


Louis isn't as Stupid as He Appears in Regards to Burying Gage 
In the film, the only thing that makes sense about Louis burying Gage in the Micmac burial ground is that what grieving father wouldn't?  In the novel is makes a bit more sense.  For one, Louis reasons that like Spot and Church, Gage might come back lifeless and mundane, but not threatening.  He concludes that it might be like raising an autistic son or one with a severe mental disability. He outright ask Rachel how she would have felt about Gage if he had been born retarded.

Secondly, after hearing Jud talk about Timmy Baterman, Louis figures that the experience might be similar.  That if Gage comes back, Louis can observe him for a while and then make the diagnosis on whether to keep him or send him back to the grave. Bill, Timmy's father had to make that decision forty three years earlier, and Louis decided if need be, he could to.

Which then leads to another important question....

Why Gage Kills

From a structural standpoint Louis's decision had to have dire consequences.  If something like someone else dying wasn't at stake, then it cheats the audience of the inevitable payoff that has been setup through prior action.  However, within the confines of the story, one has to question why Gage kills Jud as quickly as he does.

Here's why the question must be asked.

Timmy Baterman was back for approximately four days to a week. Within that time, he caused the people of Ludlow a lot of psychological torment but he never killed anyone.  In the book he never even physically harms anyone.  Even in the film, his only physical harm of anyone is with his father as he tries to keep him in the burning house. 

So why, if Timmy Baterman doesn't kill anyone in the four to six days or so he was back, does Gage kill two people in the small amount of time he was back?  Exact time he was back, estimated to be about five to eight hours.  First off let's look at Jud.

The Wendigo could have wanted revenge on Jud for leading the brigade to end the abomination that was the resurrected Timmy Baterman.  In the film, Forty three years earlier, Jud Crandall was responsible for sending Baterman back to the grave.  Angered and vengeful, it would make sense that now through Gage, the Wendigo sought out revenge by killing Jud.

It could also be because maybe the Micmac burial ground is haunted by an assortment of different daemons. Perhaps the daemon that possessed Timmy Baterman wasn't as homicidal as the daemon that possessed Gage Creed.

Which then leads to Rachel's death. Obviously for the sake of a doom and gloom ambiguous ending, Louis needed someone to bury.  Within the confines of the story this makes sense to. At least to a degree. The Wendigo understood that a crazed and grieving Louis would return to the Micmac burial ground to bury Rachel.  Therefore that is why Rachel was killed and why Louis's life was sparred.

Why Louis is able to Kill Gage

In the novel, Louis has a fairly simple time killing Gage. There is a struggle but it is fairly brief and Louis comes out unscathed. He simply holds Gage's hand down with Gage screaming, "No! No! No!" in a tantrum as he shoved two syringes, one into the small of his back and the other into his arm, full of morphine.  In the film the struggle is far greater. Gage slices Louis up pretty good, wounding him with several lacerations in the upper torso and once across the left eyebrow.  It takes all of Louis's strength to get Gage off of him.  What's strange, is that when Gage collects himself and comes back after Louis, with relative ease Louis holds him gently as he slowly puts the morphine laced syringe into his neck.

Logically Gage didn't fight this because of two reasons.  The Wendigo knew how heartbreaking and difficult it was for Louis to kill his son. Even though Louis knew that it wasn't really Gage, the disappointment that things hadn't worked out like he had wanted was enough to drive Louis mad. He wanted nothing more than for his son to be back with him.  And the Wendigo knew that it could cause Louis no pain greater than the pain of having to send Gage back to the grave.  Add in that the Wendigo also knew that Louis would bury Rachel in the Micmac burial ground, and I believe that gives us answer as to why he was able to kill Gage.


The "Waited to Long" reasoning of Louis Creed

In both the novel and the film, Louis concludes that the reason Gage came back demonic and evil was because he waited too long before burying him. That if he had buried him sooner, that he might have came back his old self or in the least, not demonic.  After watching the film and reading the novel, I may have missed something because I cannot make sense of his reasoning. There is nothing to indicate that burying in the Micmac burial ground is time sensitive.  That time passed will have any effect whatsoever on whatever is buried their.  How and why Louis comes to this conclusion is pure lunacy and maybe that's what King was going for.  Obviously Louis by this point was bat shit crazy, and by having him rant about waiting too long, simply illustrated how far gone he was. I don't know.

Why is there such a long wait? 
It seems odd that in eighty-four years of living in Ludlow, that Jud has had so few experiences with the Micmac burial ground. Even more bizarre that the only experience with a human being buried was when he was in his early forties. He even says at eighty-three years old that he hadn't been up to the burial gounds in twelve years. So before taking Louis up their to bury Church, he hadn't been up there since he was 71.  Before that, it seemed he hasn't been up there himself in fifty plus years since burying spot.  Speaking of how the burial ground had an effect on him, and how it made you tell others of its presence and of its power, it makes me wonder why there was such a long wait. Surely Jud would have shared the secrets with others long before he ever met Louis.

And maybe he did....

Then again, maybe he didn't.

And maybe that's why he did share it with Louis.  Maybe he had fought the urge to tell others about the Micmac burial ground for such a long time and now his time was up.  He was nearing the end of his life and the power of the Wendigo, refusing to let him die without sharing the secret, is what made Jud finally share it with Louis.


In Regards to the New Film
This is such a frightening story.  The concept alone is enough to make the hair on your arms rise and the heart in your chest beat a little faster. I hope to God that this film doesn't have any jump scares or sudden startles. It doesn't need any.  If anything jump scares will diminish the actual horror of the story.  Zelda and Gage don't need any cheap thrills to send urine down the pant legs of audience members. They can do that on their own.

I am excited to see this new rendition of PET SEMATARY and I'm anxious to see how they address the issues that I bring up in this blog.  I don't see anyone cast as Norma Crandall, so I'm taking it that she'll once again be omitted from the story. I also don't see anyone cast as Timmy Baterman and I hope that he's simply not mentioned in the cast.  I think it's a mistake to not have the reenactment of his resurrection. It adds so much depth to the story.

Stephen Stonebraker Writing Projects

TITLE:  Wrestling With Reasons
TYPE: Novel
PAGES: 241
WORDS: 72,182
STATUS: The Publishing Mill got the best of me on this one. I was a young and impatient writer, too eager for my own good. After a year of sending out query letters and either getting no response or negative responses, I was coaxed into Publishing through PUBLISH AMERICA (Now America Star Books.)  One of my biggest regrets as a writer and something I wish I never would have done. I can only hope that it doesn't damage or blackball my career.  It was completed on June 30th, 2011.


PLOT: Del Martin is a forty year old man who lives a mundane and boring existence. In the realms of a midlife crisis, he comes to the conclusion that he has nothing more to look forward to and that life is as good as it will ever get. Thinking of all of the failed dreams he had in life, he decides to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge. When he goes to jump off the bridge, an Indian comes out of nowhere to save him. As he's trying to figure out who this Indian is and where he came from, a man in a jeep drives by and ask him if he's ok and if he needs a ride. Del looks back for the Indian who is now gone, and noticing that his vehicle is also missing, decides to take the ride. As they ride back into town, the man who appears to only be in his thirties keeps calling Del kid. Del gets a kick out of this until he sees his reflection in the mirror. He's no longer his forty year old self. He's 15.  What is going on here? Who was that Indian? Why is he 15 year again? Is he getting a second chance in life?

BACKSTORY: My sister Sydney Rochelle Lee died on March 3rd, 1998. I had a Hell of a time dealing with her death. It haunted me for years and it is still something that to this day I think about on a daily basis. I tried a number of ways to deal with it. Professional therapy and counseling. Masking the pain with pills. You name it, I tried it.  I found that writing about it was the best therapy that I could give myself. Only when I tried to write about it outright, I discovered that it was too difficult to put into words. I began writing a nonfiction account entitled NOTHING BUT HEART in the winter of 2004. I got no where with it.  Kept on getting between 75 to 90 pages and then axing the entire thing. I did this about ten to fifteen times over the course of the next three years. Then in late 2007, I threw my hands up in the air and said the Hell with it. I didn't write anything for the next three years.

The story lingered in me but I didn't know how to get it out of me.  It's like the emotions and the feeling were all there but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't put them into words.  Then one weekend I was visiting my cousin Cody Tompkins up in Waterloo.  On the way back home to Iowa City, I missed my turn off and damn near ended up in Dubuque. As I turned around, I noticed a sign for Dyersville, Iowa, where the film FIELD OF DREAMS had been shot.  I decided that since I was so close and since I had never been there, that now was as good of a time as any.

I remember looking around at the farmhouse and the baseball field and feeling a sense of magic. The second, and I do mean the very second my right foot touched the baseball diamond, I suddenly had the entire plot of WRESTLING WITH REASONS in my head.  I went home and wrote the rough draft in three months.  Didn't quite have the experience with it that I wanted, but it was great therapy for me. It is what allowed me to finally get over my sister's death.



TITLE: What Really Happened to Aric?
TYPE: Novella
PAGES: 103
WORDS: 31,733
STATUS: Finished in May of 2012, I let about a dozen friends read it. They all came to the same conclusion. Loved the story. Loved the characters, the build up and the suspense but HATED, and I mean H-A-T-E-D the ending. Everyone hated the ending. It was too unrealistic, too graphic and too nonsensical.  As a result I must have rewritten the ending thirty times or more and still, no matter what I did, it didn't work.  So I shelved it and on the shelf is where it has remained for nearly seven years. 

PLOT: Larry and Aric are best friends, have been since elementary.  Attending Indian Hills Community College in Ottumwa, Iowa the two attend a party one night. As they go to leave, they say they'll see one another back at the dorms. Only when Larry wakes up the next morning, he notices that Aric never made it back. As the day goes on, Aric still hasn't made it back. The day turns into days and Larry realizes that something is wrong. An investigation is done and it is discovered that Aric's truck ran off the road and into a lake. Supposedly his body is in too bad of shape for an Open casket funeral. Upon speaking to Pastor Stribbly, he tells Larry that he's almost positive that it isn't Aric in the casket. He asked to see the coroner's report and they denied him access. Larry knows something isn't right. He's being lied to and he doesn't know why. What really happened to Aric?

BACKSTORY:  I drove a cab for three and a half years in Iowa City. One night I gave a handicapped man a ride from the University of Iowa hospital to the small community of Clarence, Iowa. He had an old Victorian home. It was intimidating from the outside and rather frightening on the inside. When I wheeled him from the cab into the house, I looked around and noticed the many doors leading to many rooms. I couldn't help but think of people being locked away in the rooms as I helped the man get situated as best I could. As I drove back to Iowa City, the story unfolded to me.



TITLE: The Weird Stories of Seventh Grader Smith Jones
TYPE: Novel
PAGES: 225
WORDS: 70, 988
STATUS: Finished it in 2014. Still in the revision process I guess. Originally wrote it as a reflective piece. An older man looking back on the seventh grade. Was told by a numerous amount of individuals that past tense novels are a difficult sell. It was hard to tell who my demographic was. Was I wanting to target middle school readers or was I wanting to target adults who long for their past? Some of the subject matter was too heavy and intense for the twelve to fourteen year olds who might pick up the book. Some of it too juvenile and trivial for the adults who might be interested in such a book. Got sick of revising it after a while and moved on to something else.

PLOT:  New building, new classes, new teachers, a chance to try new sports, and above all else, girls!!! Seventh grade is an exciting and yet terrifying new world! Can Smith Jones handle it? So many changes and so many new experiences. It's overwhelming. It's challenging. Follow Smith as he does his best to make it through the seventh grade.

BACKSTORY: Seventh grade was a rather monumental year in my life. The transition from being a child into man I believe began at this time for me. A lot of who I am, in my beliefs and core values began to take shape around this time. I figured it might be the way for others as well. So I sat down one day and began writing about a kid entering the seventh grade. Before I knew it, I had a full length novel.

The name Smith Jones came about in a funny way.  I don't particular care for common or popular names. I enjoy giving my characters names you don't hear every day. A friend of mine, who is a successful, published author was giving me a lot of shit one day about how I refused to use popular names like Josh and Matt.  Realizing that Smith and Jones were the two most common last names in the United States, I decided to rebel in the most pompous way possible by naming my main character Smith Jones.


TITLE: The 0 and All Harris Bulldogs
TYPE: Novel
PAGES: 155
WORDS: 43,107
STATUS: Finished on June 16th, 2017.  This particular novel I wrote in the spirit of THE GREAT GATSBY, where my main character was more of an observer than he was a participator in the story. This of course, when talking to potential agents and publishers once again presented a huge problem.  "Characters do things. They don't observe" I was told. "Y.A. novels are not written like that."  I have to admit that I got lazy and discouraged, so I moved on to something else. It's still technically in the revising process.

PLOT: Tim Straube blew it. He had his chance to be the hero and he blew it. The Harris Bulldogs have never beaten the Roberts Academy Friars in anything and if he hadn't missed that extra point earlier in the game, they would have finally beaten them in football. He could have been a hero, remembered forever as the guy who scored the final point in Harris's first victory over Roberts Academy.  Instead, he'll forever be remembered as the guy who missed the extra point. This is Tim's fate, he has came to accept it.  Or so he thinks, until he comes across an article in the local paper that might save him after all. Roberts Academy is going to be the first high school in DeSoto county to field a varsity wrestling program.  This is it! This is Tim's chance to redeem himself. If he can convince Harris to field a wrestling program, this might be the one sport that they can finally beat Roberts Academy in!

BACKSTORY: I attended a writing seminar where a woman stood up and talked about how writing stories for young people was so much more than the story itself. How you had to go beyond your story and realize that writing was so much more than just writing.  I thought ok.  What are some issues that I care a lot about? How could I use my writing to better the world around me? 

Two issues came to mind.  First off the state of Mississippi is the most illiterate state in the country. There are more non-readers in Mississippi per capita than there is in any other state. I figured if I set the story in Mississippi, that it might interest young people in reading it.

Secondly, the state of Mississippi is the only state to not have varsity high school wrestling. The wrestling community has worked vigorously over the years to sanction wrestling, but it still isn't in Mississippi high schools yet.  A few have club teams, but to this day there is still no varsity wrestling in Mississippi. My thinking was if I could get this novel to sell, I might be able to use its popularity in helping to get wrestling into Mississippi high schools.

TITLE: The Gifted Greg Franklin
TYPE Novel
PAGES: 122
WORDS: 63,431
STATUS: I finished this in September of 2017. Literally right after I finished THE 0 AND ALL HARRIS BULLDOGS in June, I began writing THE GIFTED GREG FRANKLIN and had the rough draft complete in a little less than three months.  The problem again with this novel was that the ending again didn't satisfy. That and some of the transitions were rather rocky. I've brainstormed quite a bit and I'm at a point now where I think I know how to revise it. I don't know for sure. A mixture of frustration and fear has kept me from going back to the story.

PLOT:  Things are going pretty good for Greg Franklin. He's going to have a blast with his friends in his final summer in Ottumwa and then he's going to have one Hell of a senior year, graduating with his friends in the spring. Then his dad loses his job and announces the family is moving to Moline, Illinois. He doesn't want to move to Moline. He wants to stay in Ottumwa. There has to be a way.  There is. He can move in with his uncle Eddie. Uncle Eddie the estranged member of the Franklin family, that his father can't stand. Eddie is a whacko, he makes a living as a masked  professional wrestler.  After a long fight, Greg's parents agree to allow him to stay with Eddie so he can stay in Ottumwa.

Things are going great. Greg's having a blast living with Eddie, but then disaster strikes. Eddie breaks his wrist during a match. This means that Greg may have to move to Moline with the rest of his family after all. What can he do? Messing around with his friend Tony one day he puts on Eddie's mask. The two of them realize that with the mask on, he looks just like Eddie.  Suddenly Tony gets an idea. What if Greg were to replace Eddie in the ring?

BACKSTORY: I did professional wrestling for six years between 2006 and 2012. I worked on the independent circuit mainly for Iowa based promotions, although I did work in North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas, Illinois and Texas. A friend of mine who is a successful published author, making aa decent paycheck and traveling all over the United States and Canada to do signings, talks and seminars believes that my background as a professional wrestler could be my ticket to finally making it as a writer. 


TITLE: The Profile
TYPE: Screenplay
PAGES: 63
STATUS: I wrote the fourth and final draft of THE PROFILE on December 12th of last year. One of my best friends, Jason Janes who teaches Screenplay writing in Orlando, Florida read it over and we both believe it is submission ready. We just need to submit it.  I think it'd work great as a LIFETIME movie,but we'll see what happens.

PLOT: One day at the public library in Ottumwa, Scott meets a friendly middle aged man named Russ. Russ is having a Hell of a time making a profile for a dating website and ask Scott for his help. This begins a friendship between the two that last until Scott makes a horrible discovery. There's a man in the area that has been meeting women online and then sexually assaulting them. Scott discovers that it is Russ and that Russ has been using the profile that Scott helped him make.  What is Scott to do? Russ has given him money to help him from being kicked out of his apartment. Russ paid for his schooling so he could get a trucking license and get out of his dead end job of delivering pizzas. Yet he knows what Russ is doing is not only wrong, its horrible.  What is Scott to do?

BACKSTORY: I got to a point to where I was completely burnt out of trying to write novels and novellas. I had been at this for a long time and I had nothing to show for it. I'm still a nobody. Nobody knows my name. Nobody knows the stories I've written. I got to a point to where I was so angry and so depressed that I literally got sick whenever I thought about writing again.

My friend Dennis Woods Doderer, who struck gold in 1998 and wrote an episode of NYPD BLUE (Weaver's Tale) suggested to me to try my hand at writing a screenplay.  I've always wanted to write screenplays. It's been my number one dream since I was twelve years old, but I've always hesitated to write one because I know how difficult it is to break into the business. My screenplay writing professor in college, Jamie Durham (who write reenactments for UNSOLVED MYSTERIES) once told me that I had a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of ever making it. Nothing against me personally but that's just how cutnut the business is.   

Yet I was bored and I figured, why not? So I thought about an experience I once had many years ago. Of how I helped a man in his mid forties to make a dating profile on plentyoffish.com.   We became friends and hung out quite a bit for a period of about five months.  Then one day, out of nowhere he disappeared.  His phone number lead to nowhere and his facebook profile suddenly disappeared. I went to his house to visit him a few times and everything was dark.  A few weeks later all of his stuff was gone and there was a for sale sign in the yard.  Years went by and I never knew what happened to him until I heard someone mention his name one day.  I asked the someone if they knew what happened to him. They looked at me funny and asked, "You honestly don't know?"  I said that I didn't. He then showed me a newspaper clipping. My friend had been sent to prison for the next twenty some years because he had been using the dating profile to lure women on dates and then he was slipping roofies into their drinks and date raping them.   It was a surreal moment. I felt betrayed and guilty at the same time. Even though there was nothing I could do about it and there was no way I could have known that was his intention when I helped him make the profile I still felt very weird about it. I still feel weird about it.


TITLE: Suddenly Incredulous
TYPE: Screenplay
PAGES: 63
STATUS: I finished Suddenly Incredulous in May of last year. I want to find filmmakers here in Iowa and see if I can't develop a relationship with a director. I think I have a good script here if I can simply find a crew to make it into a film. Iowa has a film festival every year but it is very secretive and closed doors. I want to try and become a part of it.

PLOT: Matt Medeiros is the biggest swimming and diving fan on the planet. When it comes to collegiate and Olympic swimming and diving, you won't find anyone that knows more about the subject than Matt. A walking encyclopedia, Matt dreams of one day being able to cover the sport he loves and is so passionate about for a living. Hank Anthony, who runs a website and a radio show sees this passion in Matt and decides to use him exploit him for his own gain. Matt is so clouded by his love for Swimming and Diving that he isn't able to see that he's being used before it's too late.

BACK STORY: This happened to be as an amateur wrestling writer/journalist. I was working for a website and I was being abused and mistreated by a guy who used me as a tool to benefit himself without any regard for my feelings or the negative effect it might have on my life. When I finally saw the light and realized that I had been lied to and that he never had any intentions of ever coming through on the promises he made me, I went home and wrote this screenplay in a day.  I was so filled with anger that I literally wrote 63 pages in a single setting.


TITLE: Pilot - Episode One-We Have Everything
TYPE: Screenplay
PAGES: 34
STATUS: Finished in May of last year as well. Waiting on pilot season of 2019 to send it, along with the rest of the episodes of season one of WE HAVE EVERYTHING to various studios including NETFLIX, HULU, AMAZON PRIME and other markets where we might stand a chance of getting it somewhere.

PLOT: Marty is a down on his luck young man who just can't seem to get a break in life. He could use a little good luck in his life and right when he's about to give up for good, it appears.

BACK STORY:  Jason Janes and I are both writers. He writes his own stuff that I read and critique and I write my own stuff that he reads and critiques. We decided, why not put our heads together and do a co-project? He came up with an idea for a television series called WE HAVE EVERYTHING.  A show in the same realm as QUANTUM LEAP where a man with a magical store travels throughout the world in search of people who are in need of the stores goods and services.

TITLE: The Dog - Episode Two - We Have Everything
TYPE: Screenplay
PAGES: 51
STATUS: Also finished this in May! Ha May was a good month for me last year I guess. Same status as the other episodes of WE HAVE EVERYTHING.

PLOT: Steve has been having these terrible visions and nightmares of something that happened when he was really little. Only he isn't sure if it is something that really happened or if its simply a horrific dream. He thinks when he was four or five, he might have accidentally killed the neighbor's dog. With the help of Mr. Green and the We Have Everything Store, Steve discovers the truth. 

BACKSTORY: This happened to me. I used to have these nightmares about killing the neighbors dog. I was horrified that it might actually be true.  For years I didn't say anything to anyone.  Then I asked my mom, my older sister, my Dad and everything I could think of to ask. Everyone says it never happened. Nevertheless I made a screenplay out of it.

TITLE: Perry Fee Fie Foe - Episode Three - We Have Everything
TYPE: Screenplay
PAGES: 51
STATUS: Finished up the final version of this bad boy on September 11th, 2018.  Feels longer ago than that, but that's when it was.

PLOT: Working for Meals on Wheels, Randy delivers two meals per day to an old alcoholic named Perry that does nothing but sit out on his porch and drink beer all day long. One night, Randy finally gets Perry to talk to him, as he gives Randy advice on how to build his biceps at the gym.  Looking into Perry's past, Randy discovers that at one time Perry was a champion body builder and he trained an assortment of celebrities including Hollywood actors and musicians. Wondering what happened to Perry, Mr. Green and the We Have Everything Store gives Randy all of the answers he needs.

BACKSTORY: In the early 1990's, it was alleged that there were individuals in the World Wrestling Federation that were committing acts of pedophilia against young boys between the ages of 12-19.  Someone to speak up and bring this to the attention of the media and authorities was professional wrestler Barry Orton.  Upon bringing this to the media's attention, Orton was blackballed from professional wrestling for good. His career was over. The individuals who were accused of the abuse against the children were never brought to justice and got to keep their jobs.  Orton slipped into a huge state of depression to which he never quite recovered. He essentially did the right thing, and had to pay a huge price for it.  I've always found the story very fascinating.  The character of Perry is based on Barry Orton.


And there you have it! Those are all of the major writing projects I've worked on thus far in my writing career. 

As you can tell my greatest weakness is revision. It's not so much that I hate to revise as much as it is, I don't know how to do it.  I go over my stories again and again, until I think they're perfect. I don't know what else to do with them. I've edited them to death, I've gone over the story a thousand times. I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do with it and I'm often treated when I submit the fiftieth draft, like it's the first draft I ever wrote. It drives me nuts. It's very depressing and discouraging. I want to be a writer so bad that if I were a religious man (which I'm not) I'd have sold my soul to the devil by now. 

I also blog all the freaking time too for whatever that's worth.

StephenStonebraker.blogspot.com - I blog whatever's on my mind

Johnnythompsonnum1.blogspot.com - If you're an amateur wrestling fan, you'd enjoy this.

Stonebrakermoviereview.blogspot.com - I review all films I see for the first time

Stonebrakerbookreview.blogspot.com - I review all books I read too. Obviously seeing that the last one was in July, I don't read nearly as much as I should.

Feminism is best portrayed in Horror

Feminism is defined in Webster's dictionary as, "Organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interest."  Over the years it's came to mean a lot of things, all of which encompass the embodiment of empowering women. Giving women status, power, importance and above all equality in comparison to men.  One of the most powerful tools we have as a society to promote the idea of feminism and the movement of equal rights for women are films.  Films have the ability to reach mass audiences and spread ideas.  I argue that no other genre promotes the idea of feminism better than horror.

I argue that horror does a better job than action.

 Action often has heroines out of obligation and necessity. A female character is written into a screenplay because a studio feels compelled to add in a character because of an outcry from society that it wants to see more female characters.  These characters are rarely leaders. Most of the time they aren't even notable sidekicks.  Instead they are often forced, third wheels that seem to get in the way of the main protagonists.  They feel unneeded and as if they were added to the script last second. 

Other times even when they are a leader, the fact that they are female seems to be the general focus.  Not that they're heroic.  Not their intelligence or their bravery or their strength, but the fact that they're female. If anything it almost seems counter intuitive to the idea of feminism in the first place.  If the idea is equality, to showcase that a woman can be every bit as good as a man, then it would seem that the focus should be on her characteristics and her qualities,  not her sex.

I argue that horror does a better job than drama. 

Women unfortunately face a lot of stereotypes in society.  Drama often depicts these stereotypes.  That women are supposed to be wives and mothers, the caregivers of their husbands and their children.  That they have their place in our world, and they should adhere to it.  Drama if anything doesn't defy these stereotypes, it defines it.  Women in drama, while admirable, respectable and yes, even heroic are still often portrayed by social norms and social expectations.  They're the woman that stands beside the man.  The woman that stands beside her children. 

Horror is where you see women shine. Horror is where you see women take on the role of heroine. Horror is where feminism is best portrayed.

Let's take the most recent horror film to come out, one that is still rocking the box office as you read this; HALLOWEEN (2018).  This film is all about a heroine, Laurie Strode taking it upon herself to bravely and cleverly take on Michael Myers.  She did so in the first HALLOWEEN in 1978, selflessly putting herself in potential danger to protect Tommy Doyle and Lindsay Wallace.  Even more so than the original HALLOWEEN or this most recent HALLOWEEN,she aggressively went after Myers in HALLOWEEN: H20.  Throughout the films she has been involved in, she has been shown as strong, resilient and resourceful. 

And she wasn't the only strong female role in the HALLOWEEN franchise.

Rachel Carruthers from HALLOWEEN IV: The Return of Michael Myers was quite buoyant in her effects against Myers as well. She was courageous and extraordinarily astute. She was the leader of the film.  She didn't assist the men, the men assisted her.  Moustapha Akkad was once asked his greatest regret with the HALLOWEEN series, and he replied that he felt allowing the Rachel Carruthers character to be killed off was the biggest mistake that was ever made in a HALLOWEEN film. 

Want other examples?  Because I have them. I have lots of them.

How about Erin from YOU'RE NEXT?  Holy shit.  Talk about a character that is 100% kick ass.  Erin outsmarts, outwits, out does everyone else in the film. She's incredibly intelligent and makeshifts MacGyverisms out of everything around her to her advantage. Showing that in a hostile situation, a woman doesn't have to be scared and hopeless. She can fight back using brains and brawn.

Nancy Adams from THE SHALLOWS? A woman being shown once again to be brave, resourceful and resilient in a dire situation. 

I feel almost as if I'm being too modern and I sure as Hell don't have to be.  There's nothing new in what I'm saying. It wasn't as if this resurgence of  feminism suddenly got horror to wake up and jump on the bad wagon.  It was driving the band wagon, full speed ahead before anyone made the suggestion.

Let's go back to the 80's.

The heroine of FRIDAY THE 13TH?  The only one out of all of the men and women to figure everything out and finally defeat Mrs. Voorhees? Alice.   And really something out to be said about Pamela Voorhees as well. Perhaps not as flattering, but having a female killer, a strong female antagonist was in a way symbolic for the feminist movement as well. It showed that in entertainment, be it literature, television or film, that a strong female antagonist could be every bit as frightening and threatening as any male.

Nancy from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS and  WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE is also a phenomenal heroine. In the first film she is the crafty one who devises the plan to trap Freddy and defeat him.  In the third film, she is the leader among the group. The one that encourages and inspires everyone to come together in an effort against Freddy.   In the seventh film, again the one who has to use her intelligence and know how to defeat the monster.

Kyle from CHILD'S PLAY 2 is another classic example.  Not only is she heroic in her actions but she also acts as a protector and role model to the central character of Andy Barclay. She gives the character someone to idolize and look up to, thus encouraging audience members to idolize and look up to her in the same way he does.

Erin (must be what you name a girl if you want her to turn out to be an awesome heroine) from the 2003 remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE?   When everyone else has failed to even tease the thought of being a match for Leatherface and the demented Hewitt family, who cuts them down to size and has the last laugh?  Erin.

Then of course I save the best for last.  Be there a better example of an heroine than that of Sidney Prescott from the SCREAM films? In four films, she proves unkillable and more a threat to Ghostface than Ghostface is to her.  She's the poster child for a horror movie protagonist.  Strong, intelligent, brave, the total package.  She has it all.


And I'm still not done quite yet. 

How about also looking at it from a production point of view?  In my opinion the most horrifying and terrifying film I have ever seen is Pet Sematary.  I don't know if I'll ever watch a film that scares and disturbs me more than it did.  Do you know who directed the film?

Mary Lambert

When asked about her vision for horror and why she was able to convey it on the screen in such an effective manner she replied that she felt it had everything to do with her being a woman. She said in partial it reminded her of being pregnant. Pregnancy for her was an unknown, and the unknown can be quite intimidating. For nine months you have to care for something you cannot see.  Numerous amounts of hopes and fears accumulate about what the future will hold. I found it a rather odd response, and I'm not 100% sure if I got it or how I could connect it to the intensely frightening parts of PET SEMATARY.   Yet, I don't question it because obviously it worked.  I can't even think about that film without the hair on my neck and arms standing up. I'm not even comfortable typing about it right now.

So with that said, I wrap up my thesis that Feminism is best portrayed in horror.  From the late 1970's up and through today, horror continues to produce the strongest, smartest and cleverest heroines of all the genres. 

A RELOOK AT BATMAN RETURNS

I got into a discussion the other day with good friend and fellow movie enthusiast Jaret Morlan about the film BATMAN RETURNS.  While I like the film, I find it inferior to the original 1989 BATMAN and I can point out what I feel are quite a few flaws.  Jaret countered my position, saying he felt that it was a better film than its 1989 predecessor. Not only a better film, but that it held up better over the years and did a better job of character development.  Having been a while since I sat down and watched the film, I threw out a few arguments from what I could remember. He countered these arguments and my memory wasn't good enough to provide enough substance to re-counter.  My point isn't to show that this is a bad film, because it isn't. It's actually pretty good.  My point is to simply provide more merit and justification behind why I feel how I do.

Last night, I sat down and gave the film what is an estimated tenth viewing with undivided attention.  I realized that in the past, I often finished the film feeling like I had missed out on something.  Analyzing why this was, I came to the conclusion that this is because of two reasons.  First and foremost the film is extraordinarily visual.  There is so much to look at on the screen, that my brain is so busy trying to process all that it sees, that my ears don't hear everything that they need to hear.  Add in the fact that important statements to the story are quick and subtle, and it makes sense how one could miss what was said.

Let's start with the basics.....

First off, phenomenal casting.  As they were in the original BATMAN, Michael Keaton, Michael Gough and Pat Hingle were wonderful.  Danny Devito as Penguin was brilliant.  I can't see anyone else in the role. He did a tremendous job. Seriously tell the Golden Raspberry academy to suck an egg.  Michelle Pfeiffer was an excellent Catwoman, and Christopher Walken nailed the devious Max Shreck to a T.  It was also fun seeing Paul Reubens, Vincent Schiavelli, Doug Jones, Diane Salinger, Branscombe Richmond and an assortment of other actors in smaller roles as well.

Danny Elfman's music as it does with every other film he scores, fit the movie like a glove.

The makeup artists, set designers, and costume department all should have won academy awards.  The visuals in this film are very impressive.

I particularly enjoyed the slow and subtle buildup to our first viewing of the Penguin.  Which leads me to my first question.

Nature Vs Nuture:  Was Penguin born a monster or was he made into one? 

Unlike the comics and BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES which depicts what was otherwise a sensitive and empathetic kid being turned into a monster through years of bullying, and mental and emotional abuse, BATMAN RETURNS went for more of THE BAD SEED element.

Evidence in the film supports this.

Upon his birth his parents don't seem to lock him in a cage because of his hideous appearance, they lock him in a cage because of he's dangerous.  The scene where he kills the family cat, shows that.  Of course he's angry that his parents abandoned him, but they didn't do so out of embarrassment or shame as much as they did so because they realized that he was evil.

When Penguin kidnaps Max Shreck at the beginning and gives his dramatic speech about wanting human dignity, respect and to find out who his parents were I bought it.  Yet as the film progresses it is heavily suggested that the speech was half truth and half manipulation. Penguin wanted the respect he preached about, but he was already aware of who his parents were and what his real name was.  He simply wanted access to the Public Records department so he could make a list of all of the names of the first born sons.

Batman even says this in a conversation with Alfred.  He literally comes out and says, "I think he knows who his parents are."

Therefore the whole, "I wanna find my parents. Discover my human name" was all bull.  He knew who his parents were and he knew his name was Oswald Cobblepot.  It was nothing more than a con.

And I can't fault the film for going in this direction, but I think it would have made for a more interesting character had he been a good little boy, tormented and chastised because of his appearance that had been turned into monster.  I would have appreciated that more over the born a monster story they went with.

Secondly it never made much sense to me why Penguin would want to take his vengeance out on the first born sons of Gotham.  That he would want them to suffer the same fate that he had to endure.  His anger was with his parents,not with himself.  It would have made more sense for him to have wanted to harm the parents of the sons, more so than the sons themselves. Yet that wouldn't have been as dark and it certainly wouldn't have been as disturbing.  Not so much a complaint as it is a difference in style.

Which leads me into the Max Shreck character.   First off, is this guy a real life Paul Ryan or what?

Let's do a quick checklist
Has zero regard for the people he hurts in making his decisions? CHECK
Could care less of the negative effects his decisions has on wildlife and the environment? CHECK
Only other people he cares about are his own family? CHECK
Easily willing to sell out someone he claims to stand by if it means making him look better? CHECK
Described as an "insufferable son of a bitch" behind closed doors by fellow politicians? CHECK
Only cares about money and power? CHECK
Puts on a front and fake appearance saying insincere and disingenuous things to garner public support? CHECK
Would live by a motto such as  "One Can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning" CHECK

Yes indeedy doody,  Max Shreck is Paul Ryan.


And Max Shreck......Let's talk about Max Shreck

With that said, it helps to illustrate why BATMAN RETURNS was not as successful as BATMAN.  While Penguin is pretty bad and Catwoman is rather complicated (we'll get to her later) the real villain of this film is Max Shreck.  While you understand and appreciate that as an adult, you don't really get it as a kid.  When you're little, a 7, 8, 9, 10 year old and you're in love with Batman, you want to see him kicking ass against Penguin and Catwoman.  You could care less about some crooked, devious fiend tycoon. And yet it was Shreck whom the film focuses on as the main antagonist. Seeing the target audience was a demographic whose basic understanding of politics is that they exist and have something to do with why mom and Dad are in a sour mood most of the time....I'm not sure if this was the wisest choice. Counter act if you will that perhaps BATMAN RETURNS was going for a more mature audience but I don't know many  teenagers, let alone adults with a good thorough understanding of dirty politics, who get Happy Meals at McDonalds or shop in the toy section of Wal-Mart for themselves.  Both of which sold a large assortment of toys from the film.

This along with the film being overtly sexual, especially the Penguin and Catwoman with their consistent innuendos. Penguin himself was an oppressed sexual deviant, deprived of what he could only fantasize about. Catwoman an exploratory hedonist, eager to explore both her masochistic and sadistic sides.  Again, not sure if this type of material was suitable for an audience made up of at least 50% or more of kids between the ages of 7 and 13.

And now for Selina Kyle aka Catwoman

I never quite got the character.  I paid as close attention as I could and I never quite got her.  Who exactly she was. What exactly her motivation was.  I mean I understood it to a point.

You have an awkward, goofy, shy, diffident individual who views herself as worthless and pathetic. She yearns to be important, desired and powerful.  Upon being pushed out a window by Max Shreck, she snaps. Suddenly she's tough, important, desirable and a bad ass.  Behind the mask and the skin tight leather she is the exact opposite of who Selina Kyle is.

And I had to ask, is this conscious or subconscious?  Was it a split personality? Were we dealing with a schizophrenic? Selina and Bruce talked about duality in their conversation, so it was certainly suggested, but I do think overall Selina Kyle realized she was Catwoman and Catwoman realized she was Selina Kyle.

I say this because as badass as she wanted to be, she did show genuine concern as well as resentment against Penguin for killing the Ice Princess.

So I have to ask myself this question...

Why did Catwoman find Batman such a threat?  And why did she want to help Penguin to destroy his image? 

My conclusion here is that she was fixated on destroying Max Shreck in every way that she possibly could. Her vision was so clouded with a vengeful plot to blow up his buildings and eventually kill him that she would let nothing stand in her way. And I have to think that she must have felt that Batman would stand in her way.  That he would try and stop her.   It's the only way I can make sense of why she was so eager to help Penguin against him.

Yet the actual physically fighting him I can only speculate was built up anger and frustration she felt from men over her life. Rejection, abuse, neglect, chauvinism, and an assortment of other psychological issues she had developed over the years.  Batman represented masculinity at its finest and she wanted a chance to show that she as a woman could not only stand up to it, but take it down.  She thrived for the fight, because within it she could display that she was anything but weak and helpless.

She says to Alfred upon leaving Wayne Manor that Bruce makes her feel the way she really hopes that she is.   Touching line, although contradictory to post actions.

And now we get into the ending of the film which I have an assortment of problems with. 

First structurally.

Things happen way to fast.  Problems are followed by solutions, only to be followed by more problems and then more solutions in a matter of minutes. Sometimes even within a matter of seconds. This is problem throughout the whole film, but especially at the end.

Penguin sends out his fleet of circus performers to kidnap all of the kids, and Batman stops it with relative ease.  Penguin who didn't even have a backup plan, suddenly goes to plan B and has an army full of penguins with missiles strapped to their backs ready to blow up the city.  Batman who hasn't even discovered Penguin's next move, already has a counter plan cooked up to spoil the Penguin's plan B.  This all happens in a matter of minutes without a proper buildup. Hell there isn't any buildup.  It just happens.

Secondly, why didn't the poisoned water have any effect on Max Shreck?  Catwoman pulls him down into the water, he spends a good amount of time consumed within it and he comes out of it completely unaffected.   Yet the same water ends up killing Penguin.  How am I supposed to make sense of that?

Penguin was in the water longer than he was?  Well maybe, but I would also think that Penguin might have a greater, not weaker immunity.

Maybe it was Tim Burton's way of showing that Penguin was more of a human being than Max Shreck was.  I don't know.  All I know is that it ends Penguin's life and Max Shreck comes out of it unscathed.

Thirdly!!  Batman removing his mask in front of Catwoman and Max Shreck!!  Jaret and I already went over this and made our statements.  I said it was uncharacteristic and illogical of Batman to do this.  He said that it was an act of compassion and love, to demonstrate to Catwoman that they were one in the same and that she could trust him.  Jaret argued what would it matter, because she already knew he was Batman.

And now I answer it this way.

Batman's original intention was for he and Catwoman to take Max Shreck to jail and for them to go away together. He did not know that Shreck was going to be killed. And think about that for a second.  If Shreck goes to jail knowing the true identity of Batman, he would certainly expose that information as quickly as he could to as many people as he could. As powerful and important of a man as he was, even behind bars, his voice would be heard loud and clear. There's nothing Batman could do about it and it'd be less than 24 hours before the whole city of Gothom....the whole world knew that Bruce Wayne and Batman were one in the same.

And Batman is intelligent enough to know this.  He's wise enough to have calculated this inevitable risk. Therefore I have to continue to sum up this script or directorial choice as a poor one.

To be Nit picky for a second....
While I sincerely appreciated Commissioner Gordon's role in this film, I could have used a bit more of it. I loved how he was the one that always had Batman's back and knew Batman's true intention even while Batman was being framed. I would have liked a bit more development on this, even if it were simply a thank you from Batman at the end.


The last of the random thoughts....
Oddly enough I also tip my hat to the film's acknowledgement of Vickie Vale from BATMAN. She's mentioned a few different times throughout the film and in referencing the relationship she had with Batman/Bruce Wayne it helps to further the development of that character. It also helps to illustrate why he has such a deep, rooted fascination with Selina Kyle.  In juxtoposition to a more "normal" (if I dare use that word) woman like Vickie Vale,  Selina Kyle is as abnormal, and deranged as is he. A desire for intimacy, perhaps met through the mutual attraction of a woman as dark and demented as him.

Also have to say that the scene that turned me off the most as a kid was where Penguin bites the nose of the image consultant during the surprise party Max Shreck has in honor of convincing Penguin to be mayor.  I always thought as a kid it was disturbing and out of place.  Now I appreciate it for what it was.  A demonstration of how bizarre and corrupt the world of politics is.  How someone can literally bite the nose of one of their workers and everyone goes about their merry way campaigning because of they're getting paid to do so. 

I also visualized what would happen in 2018 compared to 1992, when Penguin gave his actual opinion on the citizens of Gothom and ended up shooting at them at the end.  I can't help but think the people of today would be ok with him saying such things.  After all Donald Trump declared that he could literally shoot someone and people would still love him.  Twenty six years ago people brought eggs and tomatoes to a speech.  Today they bring bright red baseball caps sporting "Make American Great Again" in bold white lettering.

Overall I think BATMAN RETURNS is a decent film.  Better than BATMAN FOREVER, way, way, way, way, way (add another 10,000 ways) better than BATMAN AND ROBIN.  Yet a distant second to BATMAN and not as good as the Christopher Nolan films.

COULD ROSEANNE SURVIVE WITHOUT ROSEANNE? YES, AND IT SHOULD

Call it "THE CONNERS."  Call it "LIFE AND STUFF."  Hell be tongue in cheek creative and refer to it as "ROSEANNE-LESS."  Regardless of how you would tweak the name, "ROSEANNE" should continue, even if Roseanne Barr is no longer a part of the program.

What Roseanne posted via Twitter was inappropriate, tasteless and abhorrent to say the least.  She should face ramifications for her juvenile and hurtful actions. She should.  Sara Gilbert, Laurie Metcalf, Michael Fishman, John Goodman, Estelle Parsons, Lecy Goranson, Natalie West, Emma Kenney and all of the other actors, not to mention the writers, directors and everyone else involved....they shouldn't.  They didn't do anything wrong. Matter of fact they condemned Roseanne's statements. 

Yet through ABC's cancellation of ROSEANNE, it is them moreso facing the consequences of Roseanne Barr's actions than it is Roseanne Barr facing them.

It is also a punishment to us, the fans.

ROSEANNE is currently the #2 ranked show, at a 6.6 rating according to the Nielsen ratings.  It's clear that America loves the show, and there is a high probability that the show could continue with high ratings, even if it has to be without Roseanne Barr herself.   FULLER HOUSE strongly suggest this possibility and if ABC won't, hopefully another network, Hulu, Amazon Prime or Netflix will.

Roseanne Barr screwed up and its cool that she's facing the music for it, but the rest of us shouldn't be.

Top 5 Most Absurd Tag Team Combinations of WWE Survivor Series

Feuds, especially when they're hot, are are perhaps the most intriguing thing about professional wrestling. One wrestler will commit an unforgivable act against another, and series of matches will unfold throughout an extensive period of time. When you watch two wrestlers go at it for months on end, trying to end one another's careers, it throws you for a loop when later on you see them on the same team at the Survivor Series.  Excluding the Wildcard match at the 1995 Survivor Series, which intentionally put to wrestlers known to not like each other on the same team, this list includes the top 5 Most Absurd Tag Team combinations of the WWE Survivor Series.

#5 - Don Muraco and Paul Orndorff Survivor Series 1987

1986 was a phenomenal year for professional wrestling. One of the highlights of that monumental year was the feud between the Magnificent Don Muraco and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. The feud came to a head at Wrestlemania 2 with neither gaining the advantage in a double countout.  A year and a half later, the two were on the same team at the 1987 Survivor Series. For fans at the time this must have been in the least a little awkward.

#4 - Randy Savage and Razor Ramon Survivor Series 1993

In 1992, Randy Savage had an assortment of reasons to hate new comer Razor Ramon. First and foremost, Ramon cost him the WWE World heavyweight championship, when he interfered and helped Ric Flair to defeat him on September 1st.  A little over a month later, alongside Mr. Perfect, Savage wrestled Ramon and Flair to a double disqualification at Survivor Series 1992.  A year later, the two were on the same side. More than a little hard to swallow as Ramon cost Savage the most coveted thing in the WWE.

#3 - Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka 1989

One of the most memorable moments to ever happen in WWE history, was when Roddy Piper smashed a coconut over the head of Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka during an episode of Piper's Pit.  32 years later, it is as talked about now, as it was then. This lead to a bloody feud, where no punches were pulled. Granted it was 3 years later, and tempers had cooled. The two had time to get over all of the ugliness that they had shown one another in 1986.  Nevertheless, seeing the two on the same side, all friendly and chummy with one another was quite the shock.

#2 - Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat 1987

The 1987 Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat Vs Randy "Macho Man" Savage feud was not only the hottest of 1987, it was one of the hottest feuds of all time. So hot in fact, that it lead to what many argue is the greatest match of all time at Wrestlemania 3.  Savage had crushed Steamboat's larynx, making many think that he had ended the young Hawaiian's career.  Seeing on the same team in interviews a little over a half a year later was surreal.

#1 - Jake Roberts and Earthquake 1991

Many people don't even like snakes. They're afraid of them and have no love for them whatsoever. They see a dead one, ran over in the middle of the road, the first thought is often "Good Riddance." Yet because the promos of Jake Roberts were so good, fans found themselves in tears as Earthquake squashed his beloved pet Python, Damien to death.  It was a very emotional moment that drew fans in, supporting Roberts all the way in his quest to avenge his best friend.  Seeing Roberts select Earthquake as one of his partners for the Survivor Series less than a half a year later, left fans feeling somewhat cheated. It'd be like someone killing your dog in cold blood, and then later putting that person in your will. It made little sense.

In Memory of Merlyn Yoder

I haven't seen Merlyn Yoder in 12 years.  I was never close with him.  We were never friends.  We only knew each other for a short summer in 2006. Truth is, we didn't even like each other. I'm not here to put the guy down and I am sad to hear of his passing, but I'm also not here to lie or sugarcoat. I'm here to remember Merlyn as I knew him.

When I first met Merlyn I tried to get along with him and we even did for a short period of time.  Yet Merlyn had an automatic assumption that everyone hated him and in return he hated you right back.  I spent one day at work trying to get to know Merlyn as best as I could, and he opened up a little to me that day. He told me a bit about his past and then during the lunch hour took me to a little spot of a millionaire farmer who had 5 daughters (good looking daughters may I add) that spent a lot of time swimming and sun bathing in the pond out back of the house. I always wondered why Merlyn kept a pair of binoculars in his truck, and that day I found out.

Merlyn wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, and he was extremely sensitive about the subject.  Once a farmer and his little boy came into the shop and while the Dad talked with one of the other workers, the little boy watched Merlyn.  I don't think the kid was being mean, as he was only 4 years old or so, but he asked Merlyn if he was retarded. Merlyn took off on a power walk straight into the other room yelling at the top of his lungs, "Get this God damn kid outta here right now!!! Get him out of here!!"

Then there was the time Merlyn got me fired from the job.  A good friend of mine, Carl Forgy had gotten into a bad car accident the night before.  Carl was coming home from a professional wrestling show, and was extremely exhausted. He had not been drinking or doing drugs, but Merlyn wanted to run his mouth that Carl had been drunk and on drugs at the time of his accident.  I tried telling Merlyn that he was mistaken, but he kept on insisting. My friend Neal wouldn't have any of it.  While I tried to tell Neal to just drop it and ignore Merlyn, he defended Carl tooth and nail. They yelled and screamed at one another as I stood back and watched.

As I thought it might turn physical, I went and grabbed our boss Perry Draisey.  He came in and broke up the fight with Neal and Merlyn.

Neal was asked to go home for the day and since I was his ride, they asked me to take him.  We lived a half hour from work, so they told me to just come back the next day.

We came back the next morning and Perry fired both of us.  He said he didn't have time to talk about it right now, but we could call him later that night and he'd let us know why.  Neal said he knew damn good and well it was because he had fought with Merlyn the day before.

I called Perry that night and asked him why he had fired me.  He told me all of the many reasons he got rid of Neal.  Each of which is a story in itself. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and the Merlyn fight being 9 of 9 reasons he finally decided to get rid of Neal.  And why did he get rid of me?  Because Neal and I rode together. I was Neal's ride.

So I guess my memories of Merlyn aren't the best, and to some for that reason, they shouldn't be shared.  I'm not a part of that some.

I am sorry to know that Merlyn met a premature end.  I do hope in the last 12 years since I last saw him that he did find some peace.  I remember that one solitary day where we got along.  I wish we would have had more.

Ode to Ted Nugent - Parody of "Cat Scratch Fever"

I know their maybe dumber, but I'm as dumb as they come

I misquote history!

I'll tell people they should serve, even though I never would

Oh yeah, Hy-poc-risy

CHORUS

I'm a Fox News receiver
Fox News receiver

I don't do any research, I just believe what I'm told

Reading for me would be a chore!

And I don't like homosexuals, I think they're impure

and Pat Robertson is my mentor!!

I'm a Fox News Receiver
Fox News Receiver

If you look in my head, you might not find a brain

From Actuality, I estrange!

Like most my music, I am pretty lame

bullshit, I'm buyin', buyin'

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My favorite moments of the "Attitude Era"

Bored and uninspired, I proposed an open invitation on facebook the other day for someone, anyone to give me a topic to blog about. I only received one response, and what a topic it was for them to give me.

They asked me to write about my top 10 favorite moments of WWE's "Attitude Era."

This isn't an easy topic for me, because frankly I didn't like the "Attitude Era."  The person who asked me to write about it knows I didn't like the "Attitude Era."  Matter of fact, the "Attitude Era" is what turned me off from professional wrestling. What made me go from the had to watch it every time it was on, every magazine bought had to be pro wrestling, every video rented had to be pro wrestling fan, to the fan who didn't care if he missed an episode or not.

I hate Vince Russo in so many ways. I can think of a million ideas of his that I loathe with great passion and only a handful that I liked. Only one that I truly appreciate.

10 huh? Well let's see what I can do.....

My favorite Moments of the "Attitude Era" 

November of 1997 to May of 2002.

#10 - The Formation of the Acolytes Protection Agency

Sometimes the problem with a wrestler's career is that he hasn't found a character that fits him. A character that he can embrace and truly become.  I think that was the case for Ron Simmons in the WWE for years. The ridiculous gladiator gimmick, with the blue helmet for sure didn't suit him. He's also never been strong on promos, and making him the leader as well as the mouth piece of the Nation of Domination, often left him looking obligated and uncomfortable in the position.  When WWE decided to team him up with Bradshaw as the Acolytes I found myself feeling that for once maybe Simmons was in a position that fit him.  When they took it a step further and became the APA (Acolytes Protection Agency) I knew Simmons was in a role that fit him.  This is definitely something I appreciated about the "Attitude Era."

#9 - Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Shawn Michaels for the WWE championship @ Wrestlemania XIV

It's no secret to anyone that knows me well, that I'm not a fan of Shawn Michaels. Or better put, I'm not a fan of the real life Michael Hickenbottom.  I appreciate and praise the worker that he was in the ring, but who he was outside of it, I have little time or respect for.  I consider this to be one of my favorite matches during the "Attitude Era" because it marks one of the only times Shawn actually did a favor for someone.  From his second intercontinental championship win, to this match, I can't think of a time other than to his best friend Diesel where Shawn did the job.  Didn't drop the IC title clean, had to have a tournament where Razor won.  Didn't drop the IC title clean, pretended that he was too hurt from getting beat up, forfeited it to Dean Douglas.  Wouldn't drop the Tag titles to anyone, had to have a tournament that 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly won.  To listen to Shawn go on about how Bret wasn't being professional because he didn't want to drop the title to him at Survivor Series 1997, has to be the most hypocritical statement ever said.  To know that Michaels wasn't going to drop the title to Austin until Undertaker made it clear to him that he was, even further justifies my feelings.  Watching Shawn take the stunner, followed by a 1-2-3 made it clear that he was out and Stone Cold Steve Austin was in.  Most certainly give that "Attitude Era" moment a huge thumbs up.

#8 - The Introduction of Gangrel 

Being a creative writer and actor (or at least lover of theatre) it should come as no surprise that I embrace the character over the idea of everybody using real names and appearing to be everyday John Doe's.  An evil Vampire gimmick to me was pretty cool.  I actually wish that they had kept him solo and built him stronger than what they did.  Awesome look, awesome finisher and furthermore about the coolest entrance music next to Val Venis's.

#7 - Rob Van Dam gets his shot at the WWE 

I read about this guy in various professional wrestling magazines and saw clips of him here and there on the internet for years.  Then I saw full matches of him in ECW, and all I could think was that this guy could be the next big thing in the WWE if ever given the chance.  When he finally arrived in WWE, I found myself for the first time in a long time making sure I put aside my Monday Nights to see "Mr. Monday Night" himself.  While his career didn't quite skyrocket the way I envisioned it to, I still found his time in WWE to be very enjoyable.

#6 - Michael Hayes makes over the Hardy Boyz

For years Matt and Jeff Hardy were nothing more than jobbers that would consistently do favors for various wrestlers in both singles and tag team matches.  They appeared weak, push overs that didn't propose a threat to anyone, anywhere.  When Michael Hayes made it a priority to go in and coach them, give them a little attitude and teach them how to wrestle, I bought into it. I found the vignettes of him training Matt and Jeff to relate to how a high school football or wrestling coach would train his athletes. I found it even more intriguing the way others doubted Hayes and what he could do with the Hardy's and how he silenced everyone when they came out and had their first major victory.   It saddens me that everyone remembers the Hardy Boyz with Lita, and only a handful even recall their short stint with Hayes as their manager, but it was most certainly one of my favorite moments of the "Attitude Era."

#5 - Too Cool 

Fun, exciting, entertaining.  I loved Too Cool.  When I knew they would eventually be on TV, I would consistently skip back to RAW to make sure that I never missed their matches. Found them to always be a joy to watch.

#4 - Ken Shamrock wins the 1998 King of The Ring 

While I still thoroughly enjoyed the WWE tag team division during the "Attitude Era", I found myself finding it hard to follow and get behind many of the singles stars. The only one I found entertaining without being repulsive, was Ken Shamrock. When it came to actual wrestling in the ring, actual technique, offensive maneuvers and counters, I don't know if there was a better wrestler in the WWE at that time than Ken Shamrock. I felt that he was being overlooked for a long period of time, and it felt good to know that he was finally given his due with a King of the Ring championship.  I will say that I feel the ceremony could have been a little bigger and a little longer.  He won and it was a simple, "Congrats, you're the King of the Ring...next match!"  They could have given him an award of some sort, like they had other King of the Rings year's previously.  Yet, he still won it and that was exciting.

#3 - Mick Foley getting to shine 

I'm a huge fan of Mick Foley, and I know his glory years were during WWE's "Attitude Era." The guy is one of the most entertaining wrestlers of all time and furthermore a great human being on top of it. I wish the WCW had appreciated him more and he could have had a better run over there too. Nevertheless of all things I feel the "Attitude Era" did wrong, giving him his due and making him out to be the superstar that he was, was one of the things they did right.

#2 - Chainsaw Charlie and Cactus Jack win the WWE Tag Team Titles @ Wrestlemania XIV

Considering how much the "Attitude Era" pushed the "In with New, Out with the Old" agenda and how disrespectful the movement seemed to be against older wrestlers it was rather ironic how Terry Funk's one and only WWE title reign happened when he was 54 years old. It was short lived as they'd drop the titles the very next night on RAW but it was rewarding to see the Funkster still kicking ass well beyond the geriatric age of 40.

#1 - The Light Heavyweight Division 

If there is any thanks that you'll ever hear me give Vince Russo with absolute sincerity it is his idea to incorporate and push light heavyweight wrestling during the "Attitude Era."  From Taka Michinoku, to Dean Malenko, to Essa Rios, to X-Pac, to Tajiri and Jerry Lynn I loved the matches that took place in WWE's Light Heavyweight division. A combination of high flying areal maneuvers with fast paced technical in the ring wrestling, always made for extremely entertaining action.  For years you either had to look like you spent 8 hours in the gym and another 8 pumping yourself full of steroids or you had to weigh 700 lbs for McMahon to want to put you on television.  Yet when the "Attitude Era" came to be, so did the idea that maybe guys under 6'0, who weighed less than 250 lbs could put asses into the seats just as easily as could those much taller and much bigger.  Some of the light heavyweight matches are my favorites of the "Attitude Era."