Saturday, June 8, 2019

Complete The Story: 12 of 198

The darkness was thick and suffocating, like a heavy blanket had been thrown on the world. He had to get over the wall, had to get across the border before they caught him. His legs were jello, his feet ached and pain had made a proposal to his back that he knew would end in marriage.  His chest burned as he coughed and his lungs gasped for every atom of oxygen they could get.  For any other reason on any other day, he would have collapsed. He would have given up long ago.  In the physical fitness test at school, he had never completed the mile without having to rest first.  Now here he was, ten years older, sixty pounds heavier and he'd already gone two of what would be three miles.

Adrenaline a part of it, fear another.  Not only did he have soldiers on his tail, but an unknown uncertainty ahead.  Bears sometimes frequented these woods as did bobcats and cougars. Venomous snakes made their home there as well.  There was also the thought that once he made it to the border he might not figure out a way over the wall. If he did, how long would it take him to find a Chinlishmen? Especially one that knew Engese.  His Chinlish was rudimentary at best. Communication wouldn't easy.  Even if it were, what he'd tell them, they might not believe.  Hadn't he seen it. Hadn't he lived it. He knew he wouldn't believe it either.

As he ran, he thought about the irony of how he had ended up here in the first place.  How his initial hatred of the Asacks was the only reason he was here.  If he succeeded, he'd save them from Hell they were enduring. The beatings, the torture, the raping, the horrific experiments and of course the killing. They'd hail him a hero.  A savior who put an end to what they felt an endless inferno.

Did he deserve that recognition? Not as far as he could figure.  It had taken way too long to muster the courage or fearlessness or whatever it was that he now had. He wasn't even sure how to define it. Or how to even go about even explaining it. All he knew is that it was.   As he stared into the darkness that he prayed would soon become Chinlish light, he thought of the past.

He as did most Engese didn't care much for the Asacks.   Pretentious and ostentatious whatever you did, they always did better. Whatever you had, they always had more.  If they could boast or gloat, they never passed up the opportunity.  Most of the time, he was able to ignore them but on this particular day, a few of them boiled his blood to the point of melting steel.  He had been screwed on a business deal, one that he thought would help him from losing his house.  Worse yet, another Asack was buying up his property and there was nothing left he could do about it.

A mixture of depressed, suicidal and pissed off, he went to the bar that night trying to figure out what to do.  As he used alcohol as a means of psychiatric medicine, he over heard two soldiers sitting next to him making Asagink jokes.

His parents had taught him to never say that word. It was a derogatory term for an Asack. One you only used if you truly hated them. Until that day, while he had heard it many times, he himself had never used it.

He went up to the two soldiers and laughed, "Those f'n Asaginks."

They starred at him a moment and then broke out into more laughter.  As absurd as it was, it felt good to him to share this loathe of the Asacks with them.  His meaning was no more than to get some built up frustration of his chest.  A chance to vent with others who had themselves unpleasant dealings with Asacks.  He didn't know what was going to happen next.

A man he'd soon come to know as Superior approached the three of them as he greeted the other two men, asking them to step aside for a moment while he talked to the man.  He asked the man to express his feelings on the Asacks.  At first the man was reluctant, thinking that Superior might be an Asack himself. Or maybe a political correct policemen, out to shame him for what he felt was his right to rant.  The Asacks had screwed him out of thousands of dollars through the con artistry of a crooked deal. Another Asack was taking his home.  Didn't he have the right to at least bitch about it for a few hours?

Sensing the man's apprehension Superior told him a story of how a group of Asacks had screwed his family out of their local business when he was a kid.  As a result, they couldn't pay for his mother's treatments and she passed away.  It was clear to the man, that Superior wasn't acting. His hatred for as he called him, "The dirty Asaginks" was real.

"I hate the Asaginks too."

His own voice, coming from his own mouth and after hearing it, it took him a moment to realize he was the one that said it.  He looked around the bar to make sure that there weren't any Asasks around.  His hatred wasn't for the Asacks, it was simply for the two he had dealt with earlier in the day.  Had it been two Engese or two Chinlishmen, it wouldn't have mattered. He'd hate anyone who did that to him.  He knew that. Superior didn't.

"Do you have a place to stay?"  Superior asked him.

"No." He answered. "I don't."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I have $50 left to my name."

"I'll get you a hotel for the night."  The man couldn't believe the generosity of Superior. Why was he, who was still very much a stranger being so helpful to him?

"Why are you doing this?" The man asked. "I appreciate it but..."

"No buts." Superior held up his hand. "There's something I want to show you in the morning."

The man was expecting a cheap motel.  A bed with a heater would have sufficed as far as he was concerned but Superior not only had him put up in the fanciest hotel in town, he had him taken in a state of the line limousine.  It was the most comfortable and peaceful night's sleep the man had ever experienced.

A knock came at the door in the morning.  Four soldiers, two men and two women accompanied him.  Having brought tea and snacks, Superior asked the man to sit as he had some questions.

"You ever heard of Sector 15?"

He had and as far as he knew it was nothing more than the configurations of the ramblings of conspiracy whackos and jerkoffs who had nothing better to do than to scare the gullible with horror stories.  Supposedly it was a hidden sector, where all sorts of horrific and unimaginable things took place.  It was like the boogeyman, scary in thought but nothing more than dismissive bullshit.

It was real and if he wanted they'd take him to see it.

He had to agree to never speak about it. To never tell anyone or even allude to it.  He had to understand that if he did, that the consequences would be worse than he could ever fathom.  Once he agreed, he was blindfolded and hooded.

They rode in silence. The man wasn't exactly sure how long the ride took, but it felt a long trip. He figured somewhere around four hours. Mainly because he had fallen asleep along the way and woken up before they got there.  Once the car was parked, the soldiers guided him along until they came to an elevator.

It was a long slow descend. A good 10 minutes or more before they reached the bottom.  He heard a ding and the door opened.  He was then led out about 25 feet when one of the soldiers lifted the hood off of his head and took his blindfold off.

As his eyes adjusted to the light, he was taken aback by the immense size of the area. It was huge. Much larger than he could have anticipated.  As large as any arena he had ever been in.


Superior pointed towards the exit that lead back to the elevator. 

"You're allowed to go anywhere you please, with exception to anywhere you see a blue line drawn horizontally across the floor." He said as he pointed at the ground. "Don't ever cross a blue line unless you have permission or you've already been hooded and blindfolded." 

"Ok." The man agreed.

"You want to know what will happen if you do?" Superior asked him. 

"What?" 

"You don't wanna know." 

And it was left at that.

Superior then began to tour the area as the man walked behind him.  A cafeteria with the finest of foods and the most expensive of wines.  A spa with massage, a state of the line gym and any type of entertainment that one could imagine.  They walked into a casino as Superior handed him $300 and told him to go have fun.  The man won $1,500 in the course of about an hour.  He tried to split it with Superior as Superior told him the money was his.  One of what would be many benefits of being a member of Sector 15. 

Too good to be true. That's all the man could conclude as he sat with the Superior eating Japanese Kobe and drinking a glass of  Domaine de la Romanee-Conti.  If Heaven were real, compared to this, it was second rate. 

"Come on." Superior motioned him to follow. They walked to an area that looked like a barracks for a summer camp.

"Is this where we stay?"

The Superior smiled as he shook his head. ""No."

Superior's smile widened as he looked the man in the eye.
"This is where they stay."

"Who?" The man asked. 

"The Asaginks."

It dawned on the man where he now was.  What Sector 15 was actually about. He didn't have to be taken into one of those barracks to know what he'd see. He already knew and it was too late.  He had mistaken Hell for Heaven, and he now knew there was no escape.  He wanted to turn around and go back.  He wanted to tell Superior that he wasn't interested in seeing anymore and that he didn't want to be a part of this.  But he knew that wasn't an option he could take.  Superior was certain that the man's hatred for the Asacks was every bit as strong as was his. He had to make him think that. He knew if the Superior even entertained the notion that his hatred was any less, he might as well go cross that blue line right now. 


He followed Superior into one of the buildings.  Upon opening up the door, they walked in to see a group of Asack men scurrilously scrambling as quickly as they could to stand at attention.  From the looks of them, it was clear to tell that they had been beaten, and not properly fed. 

A male guard greeted the two of them as he took a cattle prod he was holding, screamed at an Asack who couldn't have been standing more still to shut the Hell up and zapped him.  The guard laughed and  Superior laughed as the Asack fell to the ground in pain.  Superior looked at the man, as he looked on in shock. He knew that he had to show a sign of approval. They had assumed he would enjoy it. Other wise he wouldn't be here. They wouldn't have brought him.  As much as the sight troubled him and as much as he wanted it to stop, he nodded and he laughed. It was the only choice he could make.

 From there Superior explained it all. For the lucky Asacks, they were killed.  The rest were subject for experimentation. Some for actual scientific advancement.  Some for morbid curiosity.  Either way for the Engese who worked Sector 15, it was for their enjoyment. 

"Who all knows about this?"

"Soon everyone will." The Superior answered. "Leader will convince all Engese. It is his plan."

"What about the Chinlish?"

"They don't know about it."

"What if they find out?"

"They won't. We've taken measures to make sure."

"That's good."

"Yeah, the only way they'd ever find out, is if someone tells them."

As they finished up the tour, Superior was about to suggest a position for him as he shouted that he would like to be a guard.  He knew that there was no way he could work in the death chamber or be part of the unspeakable experiments. As to the Cattle prod, that he would be expected to use, he had an idea around that.

When he went home that night, he spent three hours cutting out patches three to four inches in diameter and lacing them with adhesive to make them sticky.  He then cut out thick pieces of rubber and glued them to one side.  Leaving the other side sticky.  He put as many as he could into his boots. Some up the legs of his pants. Within the pockets and linings of his jacket.  Within his hat. He even put two in his underwear. 

When he arrived the next day a female officer showed him to the barrack that he would be in charge of. It was made up of twelve women. As they entered she told all of them to stand at attention as they quickly obliged. Without any reason other than her own desire, she prodded a teenager in the back as she screamed in pain. It wasn't until her flesh began to smoke did the female officer stop.  She then slapped an older woman in the face drawing blood as she rammed the butt of her cattle prod into the stomach of another girl as she fell to the floor gasping for air.  As she set her eyes upon a girl that couldn't have been more than four years old, the man's natural instinct kicked in as he snatched the cattle prod away from her.

She turned and looked at him in surprise. Thinking quick on his feet he smiled and said, "Leave me something to do."  She smiled back in his direction.  The thought of him torturing these women as she just had stimulated her as her eyes read him with admiration. It repulsed him as much as it disgusted him. 

"You can do with these women whatever you want." She said. "If they refuse or fight back or anything, they know the consequences."

She left as he turned and looked at the women. They looked back at him. Some with anguish. Some with disdain. All with fear. They wondered in what ways would he humiliate them? In what ways would he violate them and abuse them?  Would he make them watch as he raped one as a previous male officer had? Would he choke one to death as the female officer had a week ago?  They had become so accustomed to the treacherous damnation they now knew as life,  the anticipation of it was every bit as torturous. 

"Does anyone here speak Engese?"

The women weren't used to questions.  Especially ones as innocent as the one he had asked. Used to being met with a punch to the head, a kick to the stomach or at best a slap to the face, they all stood in silence.  They knew the ramifications of speaking, even when they were asked to.

He repeated his question.

"Does anyone speak Engese?"

A brave woman took a single step forward and slowly nodded her head.  As he approached her, she closed her eyes and as her body began to shake.

"Are you the only one?"

She was expecting pain.  A hit, a slap, a kick.  Her clothes to be ripped off.  The initial shock of another question left her in a confused state as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at a man who stood before her.  He wasn't like the male officer they had before.  Who consistently fed his sexual hunger using the women for his own sadistic pleasure. Nor was he like the female officer whose fists were always clenched with a wretched and wicked smile, whose eagerness to cause agony only superseded by actually causing it. 

No, he wasn't like either one of them. If anything, he seemed as scared and nervous as they were.

"We all do."  Her voice was so faint, that he barely made out what she said.

Slow and calm he walked closer to her and reached out for her.  Even though she didn't fear him as much as she had the other two officers they had previous dealt with, her heart still sank as he grabbed her shoulder and leaned his head in close by her ear.  For some reason she knew he wasn't going to hurt her, but the uncertainty of what he would do still left her in panic.

"Are we being recorded?"

As he moved away from her she looked into his eyes.  Were these the eyes of trust?  The eyes of a friend? Or was this some sort of morbid trick?  She debated whether to answer him or not.

Another woman approached as he turned and looked at her.

"No." 

He nodded at her as he slowly took off his hat and pulled out one of the patches.  The women looked on with curiosity as they had no idea what the patch was or what it was for.  He looked at the first woman he had been speaking with and motioned for her to lift her shirt up.  The male officer before him, through his impatience had trained the women to react within seconds of a command.  Before his hands left his own shirt in demonstration, she had her shirt off and her upper-body exposed to him. 

He took the patch, held it in his right hand and with a slow and methodical ease stuck it along her left rib cage.  She watched his hand, as his fingers smoothed out the wrinkles and made sure that the patch was firmly attached to her body.  He then grabbed the cattle prod and held up his left hand.

"Don't move."

It was hard to measure who was more frightened at that moment. Him or her. She had only been struck by the cattle prod once.  Attractive with large breast, the previous male officer found her more useful in other ways and for some reason the female officer enjoyed punching her more than using the cattle prod. Bruises throughout her chest, stomach and arms, but no burn marks was proof enough of that.  He was scared too though, because even though he was well versed in the nature of electricity, he still had doubt within his homemade insulator. 

As he fired up the cattle prod, he put it against the patch.  There was no reaction. No scream. No pain. He sighed a breath of relief as reached down picked her shirt up off the floor and handed it to her. 

She had been a little girl, not much older than the four year old in the room when she had last cried as hard as she was now.  Her sobbing was so uncontrolled she had trouble putting her shirt back on.  When this new male officer had first entered the room, she as did all the other women,  a preconceived hatred of him.  A desire to kill him, only held back by the fear of what would result by doing so. 

Now this man, whom only moments before she had abominate loathe, she now reached out and embraced him.  She held him so tight that even if he had wanted, he couldn't have escaped her. He gently reached up and patted her back for her to release him.  Thinking she was already holding him with as much strength as she had, she squeezed even tighter before she let go. 

He turned to the rest of the women, who starred at him as they had before, only this time in a much different manner. 

He began to take out all of the patches he had on him. 

"I don't have enough for everyone." He said. "I'll get more."

He then motioned for another woman to approach him.

"Don't everyone put their patches in the same place." He said. "Your back.  Your stomach. Your chest. Your legs.  It'll look suspicious, if I prod you all in the same place."

He watched as the women began to put the patches on themselves.  He did his best to memorize who all had a patch and who all didn't.  Of those who had one, who put it on their chest, who put it on their stomach and who put it on their back.

"They'll kill you."

The woman who had answered him when he asked if they were being recorded handed her patch to another woman as she spoke to him. 

When he didn't respond, she spoke again.

"They'll torture you worse than they have any of us."

He nodded his head.  She was right and he knew it.

"They'll make you regret ever helping us."

He turned as he watched two other women both who had given up their patches to put them on the little girl. One put her patch on the little girl's front as the other put her's on the little girl's back.

He didn't know nor did he want to know how bad it could get for him if he were to get caught helping these women. Yet as he looked at the little girl, so innocent and pure, he was sure as he had been of anything in his life of what he said next.

"No they won't"

He spent the next several minutes questioning how often they bathed and what to do with the patches during their mandatory showers.  The women explained to him that they bathed every other day and all showered together.  He knew that he would have to convince the female officer that he be in charge of the women's bathing as he told them each time he'd take the patches back.   He knew eventually the adhesive would wear and after so many uses they'd no longer stick.  Making new ones would be as expensive as it was tedious, but it was a new hobby he knew he had to intake. 

Throughout the next couple of days he taught the women how to give themselves bruises, scratches, and marks without hurting themselves much.  He learned quickly on his first day that it was expected that he hurt these women.  When the female officer came back to the bunk a couple of hours later, she was upset that there weren't any new marks on them.  He covered himself by explaining to her that he hadn't realized that she was serious when she had told him earlier that he could do whatever he wanted.  He explained to her that he thought his role was to simply supervise them. 

"Hell no I wasn't joking!" She shouted as she ripped the cattle prod out of his hand.

She took it and zapped a woman in the leg.  It wasn't where she had placed her patch, so her reaction of her  pain was real. 

"Serves you right you stupid whore."  The female officer laughed as the woman fell to the ground clutching her leg, screaming as the electricity ran through her body. 

"Let me try."  He held out his hand as the female officer handed him the cattle prod.

He could only hope as he motioned three of the women to come his way that his memory of who all had patches and where they had placed them on their bodies was correct.  He managed to laugh as he swore and called the women derogatory names.  As he quickly zapped each one, he questioned whether he was touching the patch or touching their skin.  As high pitched as their screams were, some even cried, he was sure that he had screwed up and zapped them for real.

It wasn't until the female officer left again, that he realized that he hadn't.  While the one woman still sat nursing where the female officer had zapped her on the leg, the other three women moved about freely as if nothing had happened. 

While he had figured out a way to keep himself from having to physically harm the women by creating the illusion that he had, there were still some other problems that he had yet to figure out.  The female officer wondered why he hadn't taken sexual advantage of any of the women.  It was all the previous male officer had ever done.

"I don't want to get any of them pregnant."  It seemed a legitimate enough reason. One that he hoped would be good enough for her and she'd drop the subject.

"They've all been sterilized." She responded as she laughed. "Fixed. None of these whores will ever reproduce again."

Thinking quick on his feet, he made use of the word again.

"I'm not going to let a filthy Asagink touch me"  He hated using the word in front of the women, but he knew he had to convince the female guard.

She looked back at him questioning what he had said.

"I'd rather with you."

Even though he did not mean at all what he had just said, he hoped she believed it.  The thought of being intimate with this wretched, disconsolate, miserable excuse for a human being made him nauseous.  Yet if sleeping with her kept him from having to violate these women, then it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. 

The worst of it was yet to come. 

Two days later the female officer came to the bunk accompanied by Superior.  He looked the women over and pointed at the old one as she stepped forward.  She stood in the middle of the room as the other women stood firmly in front of their beds.  He then motioned towards the female officer and the man to follow him out.

As the man followed Superior out the door, Superior turned to him and explained to him what was to happen next.  Every week, one of the women would be chosen, either by himself or by the female guard and he would be given the option of what would happen to them.  Killed or violated were always two of the three options. The other was something different every week.  You would think Superior a used car salesmen, as he gloated about the variety of the options.

The man didn't know how to answer or if he even could. He knew what he wanted to say, "nothing" wasn't acceptable. 

"Need more time to decide?" Superior asked.

"Yes."

"It's your first time." Superior laughed. "It can be hard to choose."

The man laughed nervously as Superior and the female officer roared.

"Wait out here." He said to the two of them. "I want to look her over real good.  I'll be back in just a minute."

He walked back in and shut the door behind him.  He knew that she knew what he had to do as he looked at her.

"Kill me." 

There was no fear in her eyes as she spoke.  No tremble in her voice.  It couldn't have been calmer.

"I can't go through another experiment or more torture." She said. "The last one was too much."

He looked around the room as the other women without uttering a word somehow communicated their approval.

It would get harder.  This compared to what it would be, was easy.  Yet at the time, still the hardest decision he had ever had to make.  As he walked out the door, he walked straight up to Superior and let the words come out before he gave himself time to think about it. 

"Shoot the bitch in the head."

He was looking at the female officer as he said it.  Yet neither she or Superior knew enough to know that he meant her and not the old woman standing in the middle of the room on the other side of the door.  The Superior handed him his gun and suggested that he do it himself. He handed the gun back to Superior and asked him if this time he could watch.  He told Superior had never shot a handgun before and wanted to make sure that he did it right. 

It was an image that he couldn't get out of his head.  One of many nightmares that he knew he'd relive again and again until the day he died. He kept envisioning the jerk of the old woman's head as the bullet struck her temple and her body fell to the floor. She landed with a loud thud, but it wasn't what disturbed him most.  Nor was the psychopathic response of Superior and the female officer.  It wasn't even the sick normalization of it all, that told him how frequent this was of an event.  It wasn't any of that. What disturbed him the most was his own ability to treat the event with such a lackadaisical approach.  He went to bed that night hoping that would be the worst of it. It wasn't.

They were paid on Friday.   A check so large that he had to check his bank account three times that day to make sure that it had cleared. It alone would cover all of his bills and expenses the next six months.

His original plan was to flee Engena and to never return. He figured there was no use in trying to save the Asacks.  There was no way he'd be able to access the elevator without getting caught.  Even if he did, he had no idea where it lead or if there were more obstacles and locked doors to get through. Besides, it was a slow, near ten minute ride to the top.  As highly monitored as the area was, there was no doubt as the elevator doors opened he'd be caught by other guards. 

So his goal was to save up enough money to fly to the Confederation of Amalga, sail to the island of Rich Port and rely on their lax laws to keep his government from ever finding him.  He figured if he got rid of all of his credit cards and his social media accounts, that it should be easy enough to disappear without a trace.  The people of Rich Port were known to be sleazy and desperate. Slip them a thousand dollars or two, they'd not only vouch you were Rich Portian, they'd call you their best friend since kindergarten.

It ate away at him none the less.  He couldn't keep the once a week choice from happening. That was a horror that both he and his now eleven Asack women, had to face. There was nothing that could be done about that.   But he also knew that he was keeping them from the beatings and the rapes that under any other male guard would take place. It was all he could think about when he went to purchase a ticket for Amalga. It's what what made him decide to stay instead.

One day while walking the grounds, he found himself studying all of the other guards and Superiors.  As he looked at these men and women, he wondered if he was the only one among them with a conscience.  He couldn't conceive how they could be so cold and cruel to the Asacks. Were they truly this sociopahtic? Is this really how they were? Or had Leader with Superior and the other superiors convinced them that the Asacks were truly these immoral abominations that deserved all that was happening to them?  Was he the only one who questioned this? The only one among them who knew this was wrong? 

Most of them he didn't know.  Most he had never seen, but he did know a few.  One, a woman with six children, who he had always thought of as one of the nicest people he had ever met. On the outside she had been a daycare provider.  One who other parents trusted with their children.  Here, if anyone enjoyed using the cattle prod, she was one of them. 

Another was a man he had always known as Father Hopkins. A leader of a church in the city, a man who spoke out against infidelity and promiscuity. He had came to the man's barrack once, wanting to know if he could have his way with one of the women.  When the man said no, his response was that everyone else let him.  The man replied that he was told he could do whatever he wanted with the women, and they were his.  He refused to share.  Father Hopkins smirked, shrugged his shoulders and said as he walked out the door the women in the other barracks were better looking anyway.

Hope lost for  all but the small amount that could be found within the solace of death. It was the only escape for the Asacks.  When the old woman had stood and asked that he choose for her to be shot, he had thought of her for the longest time as brave.  As fearless and courageous.  He now knew she was depraved of hope. That she had lost all her faith in humanity.  He understood her desire for death.

Superior called for a meeting a few days later.  These meetings from time to time were at random.  An issue or suggestion had been brought up that Leader thought all superiors and guards should be privy to and if asked, open to offer suggestion.  At the last one, someone had asked why the Asacks were not put to work.  It was met with a two part answer.   Engese still needed to work on the outside so that there would be an answer to production. If all the Engese were living luxuriously and yet doing no work, it'd get suspicious. Especially if things regardless, were still somehow getting done.  The Engese government had convinced all other nations including Chinlind that the Asacks were leaving Engena on their on volition.  An answer to the dwindling population of Asacks in the country.

As to the cover up for what they were doing, they simply were told if anyone ever asked that they work for the government.  A statement which had all of the negative connotation and ugliness one would associate with a lie, that was true.  That was addressed at the first meeting he had attended. 

This was the fourth and he wondered as he sat in his chair what it would be about.   As Superior came to the podium, he sat among the other 250 or so that were there and listened with anticipation.

"There is a traitor among us."

His heart sank as a vibration of trepidation tingled throughout his body. The one woman had told him that this moment would come.  He sat starring at Superior, waiting for him to call his name and point his finger in his direction.  Would their be a hesitation?  Would he take out his gun and immediately shoot him? Or would there be a moment of shame?

"Her!"

The man turned to see a young woman.  Small and petite. One he had came across a few times before. She seemed to always be angry. Every other word that came out of her mouth was usually four letters, followed by Asagink. He had watched her slap Asack men, and shove some of the Asack women to the ground and once even deny an Asack child his daily meal.  They weren't fed much to begin with.  Simply enough to sustain.  When he had witnessed her dump his tray of food on the floor and stomp it with her foot, he thought to himself what kind of a heartless heathen would you have to be to deny such a young child to eat?

He knew now that's exactly what she wanted him to think.  Same as was he, she had been putting on an act.  He wondered to himself if in the way he treated the Asacks if his charade was as convincing as was her's. 

"She has been conspiring to tell the Chinlish about Sector 15!" The Superior slammed his fist against the podium as he spoke. "She is as good as one of them.  She's a Asagink!"

"Asagink!" The crowd began to cheer.  He began to cheer with them.  As much a he was against them and for her, he cheered right along with them.

Superior snapped his fingers as a series of guards, both men and women began to attack her.  She fought back but it was no use. She was small to begin with. It wouldn't have taken but two average size men to have gotten her down, but with about 10 people, she didn't stand a chance.  As three held her down by her upper body and three held her down by her lower body, a female guard ripped her pants off.  He hated the people around him as they cheered and hated himself even worse.  He remembered once when he was younger learning about a holocaust and wondering why others didn't stick up for the oppressed. He could remember thinking those people cowards.  Yet here he stood.  His fist raised, his his voice booming.  He was one of them.

He thought that she might be subject for a public raping, but much to his surprise other guards came with a white wrap that they began to wrap around her midsection.  Exhausted she didn't have the energy to resist as they taped her arms to her side. Wrapped from the bottom of her stomach to the bottom of her neck, leaving her lower body and her head exposed. 

Superior walked up and removed a small squirt bottle from his pocket.  He began to dowse her legs and her feet.  He then pulled out a small book of matches, stuck one and dropped it.  Her lower body engulfed in flames as she let out the highest pitched screams the man had ever heard. He subconsciously began to run her way and luckily by the time he realized what he was doing, he was able to pass it off as simply wanting to get a closer view. 

It couldn't have lasted more than maybe fifteen seconds, but it seemed to last for hours.  Other guards came and poured a solution on her to put out the fire.  Her upper body had been wrapped to make sure that she would survive the fire.  To make sure that she'd live another day.  It was all the man would ever need to erase any idea he had ever had of being a hero.  He needed no other reminder. They'd give them regardless.

That weekend, her face was all over the news.  A story had been made up of espionage and her name, synonymous with Benedict Arnold.  Superior, the one who had "caught her" plastered throughout the newspapers, magazines and television as a national hero. 

A few days later they brought her out at a meeting again.  Superior reminded everyone of what she had done as she was held firmly as he took a sewing needle and shoved it through her eye.It was worse than watching her set on fire. 

It was then that selfless turned to selfish. He had thought that he could continue to bear it  but he couldn't. It was too much for him.  The torture. The violation.  It was a barbaric enough world in a society where it was tolerated. Here it was celebrated. It was encouraged. Pure lunacy. Whatever sanity he had left was telling him that this was it.  It was time to escape to Rich Port. He couldn't worry about his eleven Asack women anymore.  He had to forget about them and put himself first. 

That night he bought a ticket for Amalga and a return ticket for Engena.  Others took vacations from time to time and if questioned, that's all he was doing.  He then bought a gun and loaded it with bullets.  Only Leader, Superior and other superiors were allowed to have guns at Sector 15.  He knew he wouldn't be allowed a gun once he got to the airport.  Yet he figured if he were to be found out, hopefully it would be at home or maybe on his way to the airport. At least then if he needed to, he could end it before they got to him.

He figured he'd buy another gun once he arrived in Amalga.  He knew that they would most likely have surveillance on him. He pictured them coming out of nowhere to stop him the second he made a go for Rich Port.  Sometimes he pictured himself shooting a few of them first and other times he imagined himself wasting no time before he put a bullet straight through his own brain. Rarely did he ever picture himself out on the water, in his boat, headed for Rich Port.  He'd replay the plausible scenario over and over again in his mind. Not even within his own imagination could he picture himself actually making it.  That's how hopeless things seemed, nevertheless still better than staying.


That was the plan and nothing or so he thought, could change his mind.

The only prayer he ever recited, was that when picking someone out, that Superior would never pick the four year old.  Or at least not when he was there.  He knew eventually she'd be chosen, but he pleaded every night it'd be after he was gone.

It wasn't. 

His options for her were to A-have her violently violated, B-have her killed or C-to put her through severe emotional distress. He knew he couldn't pick violation.  He could never forgive himself for that.  He could never forgive himself for any of it.  His own forgiveness wasn't the question though.  It was her's.  Would she ever abscond and one day know something other than this Hell?  Would this be the only life she ever knew? Destined to what could be decades before she was finally put out of her misery. There was no right choice to make. No better among the two.

"Sure are taking your time on this one aren't ya?"  Superior's patience were wearing thin and he knew he had make his decision.

"B."  It came at a whisper.  

Superior went into the barrack and second's later he came out holding the little girl's hand. 

"Here." He said as he reached into his pocket, pulled out his pistol and handed it to him. "You do it."

It was a great juxtaposition of emotion that he felt as he looked the two of them over. He held in his hand a single shot pistol.  They could light him on fire. They could shove a needle through his eye. There was nothing they could do to him to make him shoot that little girl.  Yet he could take the bullet out of the gun, and ram it down Superior's throat, and find himself amused at how slow it took him to choke on it. 

He pointed the gun at Superior.

"What are you doing?" Superior snapped.

He wanted nothing more than to pull the trigger and to smell a mixture of smoke and sulfur as he sent a bullet through Superior's throat. Yet something, maybe it was logic, maybe it was fear, overcame him as  he instead turned the gun and held it out instead.

"I said C."

Superior laughed and took the gun.

"You really don't know much about guns do you?" He laughed again.

"No" The man answered. "I'm sorry, I don't."

"Never point them at anything unless you intend to shoot."

Oh, if only the sorry son of a bitch knew.

"I'll remember that." The man managed a small smile. "I plan on getting a gun soon. That way I can practice."

"That's good." Superior smiled back. "I'm sorry I misunderstood you. I could have sworn you said B."

This was nothing more than a joke to Superior.  A nonchalant question of chocolate or vanilla in an ice cream shop.  It made no difference to him.  A dead Asack or a suffering Asack.  Either way he was good.

They took the girl to a small room with a two way mirror.  She was put on one side of it as on the other Superior and the man sat together.  A guard came in on their side and handed the two of them glasses as he poured wine.  Something horrible was about to happen to a four year old little girl and they were being treated as if they were watching a play or a tennis match.

On the other side a guard came in with a dog. 

"Henry!"

She knew him.

She ran up to him and reached out to hug him.  The guard held the dog back as two more guards came in.  With machetes in hand, they sliced that poor dog to death.  They weren't quick about it either.  They'd take a slice, listen to him whimper, listen to her scream, take a minute and they'd do it again.

At that moment, he parted ways with fear forever.  He'd light himself on fire. He'd shove a needle in his own eye. Anything he knew was better than watching that child suffer. 

"I'll find a way out of here." The man thought to himself. "Even if there isn't one.  I'll kill all of you myself."

The desire was there even if the means wasn't. He didn't have a plan, but what the man did have was a refusal to give up.  He was determined to figure out a way to get to Chinland and inform the Chinlish of what was going on.   The thought of taking off in his car and simply heading that way had crossed his mind, but he knew better than to do that.  For two reasons. They had him under surveillance. He'd get no further than the post office, get a passport to cross over into Chinland and they'd have him swept up faster than an cleaning lady with OCD right before her overbearing and nitpicky mother-in-law came to visit.  Secondly, it wouldn't do any good anyway.  He had to be able to tell them where Sector 15 was.  He had to escape while he was there.

For all he knew Sector 15 might be out in the middle of nowhere.  It might be gated.  Hell maybe it was on an isle.  He was sure it wasn't an island as the car always seemed to be moving the entire trip every morning, but he thought it might be an isle.  For all he knew, there might be a thousand challenges, but for all he cared there could be a million.  No matter what it took, who or what he had to go through, he was going end Sector 15.

It would be a matter of trial and error.

His first thought was to see if it would be possible to become a superior himself.  Of everyone that was a part of Sector 15 they were the only ones allowed to cross the horizontal blue lines on the floor. Being four of them, one of which led to the elevator he was placed on every day.  He figured one was a backup elevator, another was either stairs or a ladder and the third some sort of control room.

"If you're really interested in becoming a superior." Superior said to him. "It will take two years of preparation and some vigorous testing. I'm not sure you're ready for that yet."

Superior was right, he wasn't ready for it yet, nor would he ever be.

He then began to study the superiors to try and see what it was about them that allowed them to cross over the blue line without it triggering the alarm system.  Did they have some sort of electronic key?  Was it something in their clothing or boots that kept the alarm from going off?

He'd soon discover through casual gossip with other soldiers and guards who had the same curiosity that it was a surgical implant.  He wasn't crossing a blue line.  There had to be another way to the top.

Call it divine intervention, luck or pure pomp and circumstance he received his answer at pure random a few days later.  Two of the guards who normally worked what was known as the disposal section had been killed the night before in an automobile accident.  By chance Superior came to him and give him the order of filling in for the day.

When he came to the disposal section, a mixture of guilt and shame tingled throughout his body.  He knew that they killed a number of Asacks weekly, but it never occurred to him to ask what they did with the bodies.

"We burn them." The other guard said to him.  We wheel them into the pit and we burn them.

"Where does the smoke go?" The man asked.

"Up the chimney"

As they lifted the carcasses of what were once Asack men, women and even children into the pit, he took a moment to look up.  From what he could see the chimney was made of brick, wide enough for about one and a half persons.  He had no idea how far up it went and he could only beg that it didn't narrow towards the top.  This was it. This was the answer.

"I was wondering if I could take a break from being a guard for a while and work in the disposal section." He said to Superior the next day.

"You want to work in the Disposal section?" This seemed peculiar to Superior as it was an area that stunk of death and was dreadfully hot from the fire.

"Yeah." The man answered. "It's peaceful there. I like being alone."

"Ok." Superior laughed. "Let me know when you get sick of it. "

In any other nation
 it might not seem such a chore to drive around the countryside looking for what could possibly be the chimney connected to the disposal section of Sector 15.  Engena though, was a different story.  As is Mendark known for its assortment of moulins, Engena was the land of chimneys and smokestacks.  There are literally hundreds throughout Engena, and while not all of them were made up of brick, that only narrowed it down so much.

The advantage that the man had, was he knew he could drive throughout the countryside without drawing too much if any attention to himself.  With the kind of money he was making, there was no reason why he couldn't purchase a new car.  Who, upon purchasing a car wouldn't want to drive it around?

Deductive reasoning mixed with what he had learned in physics told the man that the chimney couldn't be as far up as the elevator.   The elevator being on the far west end of Sector 15 and the disposal section being on the far east.   He imagined where the elevator was to be about 5,500 feet, where as the disposal section he estimated a few hundred.   He knew to look for an area with a building that was built on a large hill, butte or even small mountain.

When he got home that night, he took out a collection of golf balls that he had recently purchased. Golf was a popular game that Superior suggested he get acquainted with as it was a popular thing to do on days off from Sector 15.  He had about 75 golf balls and hoped when it was all said and done he wouldn't have to buy more.  He took out a jar of black paint and a brush, painting numbers on each of the golf balls.

He then took out a tablet and a pen.  Estimating that Sector 15 was about four hours from his home, he took off north that night.  He visited four smokestacks, dropping golf balls one, two, three and four down four separate chimneys.

He knew better than to think he'd figure it out on his first try, but he still found himself depressed and disappointed when he went to look for a golf ball and couldn't find one. 

Over the next three days he drove four hours south, four hours east and four hours west, visiting an assortment of chimneys he thought could be connected to Sector 15.  Yet each morning when he went to check the chimney, there was no golf ball.

Several days later, strategy and logic went out the window and even if he was sure that it wasn't the chimney connected with Sector 15, he threw a golf ball down anyway. 

He had found homes for all 75 golf balls and had every intention of buying more later that night when he came to the disposal area and found #72 at the bottom of the burn pit.   He couldn't believe it.  #72 was the Chimney connected to the St. Ryan Lathocic School for Boys and Girls.  A elementary for grades one through five.  Built on the butte in his own home town. From the top, he could easily spot his own house.

Altogether he had spent over sixty hours and over 5,000 miles traveling all over Engena only to discover that the very place he was looking for was less than a ten minute drive from his house.

He sat in his bedroom, contemplating what he would do next.  He could get in his car and casually drive towards the border.  Yet he knew that would draw immediate attention and he wouldn't get very far if he were to do so.  The border was only a few miles, yet it is where the Engese had the most security.

Although it would be more difficult, he'd buy himself more time by going up the chimney, escaping that way and going through the woods to the back part of the wall that separated the two countries.  It'd be a chore to get over that wall, but he was pretty sure he could do it. 

It usually took about 3 and a half hours to burn a set of bodies.  During this time he usually just sat and thought about things.   He knew that this would give him the time he needed.

Inside their barrack the 10 Asack women now three weeks removed from having the man as their guard, much as the man had predicted were now guarded and supervised by a new male guard. He as they knew he would was mean, cruel, abusive and advantageous.  All but the four year old had been violated at least once.  All, including the four year old had been beaten.  They often wondered what happened to the man who had shown them kindness.  Who had shown them compassion and that there were at least some Engese who still had humanity.  Some thought he had been found out and was being tortured or he had been killed.  Others thought that maybe he had abandoned them.  None knew that he was working in the disposal sight, nor did any of them know that today he was risking it all for their liberation.

He had thought about revealing his plan to the women.  To give them hope, but he didn't for two reasons.  He wanted no one to know of his plan.  The only way to completely eliminate the chance of someone squealing or revealing was to not tell anyone.  Secondly, when he thought of the absolute worst thing he could do to these women, he could think of nothing worse than to give them the hope of escape, only to fail them. 

Years prior, his father had bought him some climbing equipment including a rope ladder.   The man had never known his estranged father that well.  It was an odd situation.  His father had been married.  Married young.  Became a father two months shy of being of legal age to drink.  He was in his mid forties with three grown children. A mid-life crisis hit the man and he found comfort in the arms of a young secretary at work.  His affair led to her pregnancy, which led to the man.  He didn't leave his wife, nor did she ever discover the affair or that he husband had a fourth child.  It wasn't even revealed to the man who his father was until many years later.  On that day he gave him the climbing equipment.  A gift the man was almost certain he would never have any use for.

He had actually thought of selling it.  It was expensive, top line equipment but his mother suggested him to keep it.  She said his father might not ever  give him anything ever again and it would always be a reminder.

He thought of this as he hammered the ladder into the side of the chimney and rolled it down.   It was shorter than the distance he would have climb. Considerably shorter but once he reached it, it would speed up the climb. 

Thoughts of failure ran through his mind.   Someone might discover the ladder and the dropped climbing tools.  Maybe all of this stuff wouldn't work, or he wouldn't be strong enough or smart enough to use it.  He had gone climbing a few times with buddies during college, but he was far from an expert.

The morning went as it always did.  Superior and some guards came to get him, blind folded him and hooded him as they took their four hours of driving around to arrive.  He walked the walk to the elevator, took the ten minute plunge and then went about business as usual.

He looked up and saw the end of the ladder. It was a relief.  He had been wrong about the estimation of how far down the chimney was.  He still had to climb a ways before he got to it, but not near as far as he had thought.

He laid the last body down in the pit, took a deep breath and crawled past them.   His plan was to get to the top as quickly as possible, drop the match so that the bodies would start burning and make his way for the Chinlish border.   

He used hooks and grapples to get up towards the ladder.  It was a slower and louder experience than he had hoped for.  One that unfortunately drew attention.   As he reached the ladder.  He heard the voice below.

"What in the Hell are you doing up there?"

It was a guard. 

He had been discovered.

He began to climb the ladder as fast as he could.  His heart had never beat so fast.   As he reached the top, he was a mere foot from the opening a gun came into the distance.  The barrel kissed his nose.

"You traitor!" It was Superior. 

He was so angry that he couldn't say anything else.  Superior put trust not only into those he chose to be a part of Sector 15, but in his own judgment to pick out the right ones. He couldn't believe that this man was an Asack sympathizer.  An Asagink lover.  He not only felt anger towards the man, but shame towards himself.  He wanted to blow the man's head off.

Starring down the barrel of the rifle, the man thought to himself it odd that he made it this far only to be stopped now.  He closed his eyes as he saw a flash of light and heard a loud bang.  There was no pain. The surreal nature of the moment made him think that he had died.  That his spirit was leaving his body. 

"Come on."

The man opened his eyes.  The barrel of the rifle was no longer there.  It had been replaced by a hand.  It was a guards.

He took the hand as the guard helped him out of the chimney. 

He stood on the ground as he looked in the guard's other hand to see smoke still oozing from his pistol.  Superior, a bloody wound where his left eye once sat, lay lifeless on the ground. 

"Get going." The Guard said to him as he reached out and squeezed the man's shoulder. "More are one their way.  They'll be here soon."

"Thank you." The man said.

"Good luck."

Luck was already on his side. At least at that moment.  He knew the chances of Superior being accompanied by a guard who wanted to end Sector 15 would be slim.  As fate would have it, that's exactly where he sat.

He took off for the border. 




 

















Wednesday, May 15, 2019

COMPLETE THE STORY: 11 of 198

It flashed through the sky and then was gone. Lucy was sure she had seen a UFO and was equally sure aliens were here to secretly make contact with a human being. Maybe they would choose her. Maybe she would get to visit their ship.  Maybe they would take her to their planet and she would be the first human being to ever visit. She had always had an obsession with aliens and outer space.  Really anything to do with science fiction.  Perhaps it was because her life on earth had been rather mundane and uneventful. A rambling woman, who never spent more than a few years anywhere she lived.  Grew up in Maine, then it was on to New York. Left the Big Apple for the Big Easy for a three year stint in New Orleans. Then it was on to a more simple life of small town Alabama.  Four years of that, and she found herself in suburban Chicago.  Now she was in nowheresville, Montana, her sixth of what she referred to as, “Where I live” and yet to find what she could call home.  No matter where she went, she always felt unwanted and out of place.

Lucy was an odd girl growing up.  Her father was a trucker who often spent weeks on end away from home. When he came back he spent most of his time catching up on sleep life on the road rarely allowed him.  When he was awake, he was watching football or baseball. To him time was precious, and he’d rather spend it with television and beer, than with his daughter.  It was clear to Lucy that he had wanted a son and that he resented her for not being one.  To try and gain his approval she went out for basketball and surprised herself by making the team.  She was so excited to tell him that she called his cell phone and left him a message.  A message that he would never return.  He was killed when his truck hit a patch of black ice causing him to fall into a ravine.  It happened in Illinois, not far from where she lived during her time in Chicago.  She always wondered if he had heard her voicemail before he had gone off the road that night. She hoped that he had.  That maybe he had listened to it and for the first time in his life smiled at the thought of his daughter. 

She never attended another basketball practice after that.  She failed to see the point. The only reason she had gone out in the first place was because she thought it would make her father happy.  While the coach understood and empathized with Lucy’s decision the girls on the team did not. They considered her to be a quitter and her self departure got her a permanent ban from their kliq.  Had she stayed out for basketball that year in seventh grade, her life would have turned out differently.  She would have been popular among the girls, and noticed by the boys.  Instead by the time she was a senior, there were kids who had thought she had moved.

She was never invited to parties or get togethers.  She never went over to anyone’s house. No one ever came to her’s.  She was simply the kid who’s mother went loony after her husband died in a trucking accident. The kid who shut herself off from the rest of the world, who never learned to cope with her father’s death.  That’s how the fixation with science fiction began. 

Her grandfather had her go through all of her father’s things that he had been keeping at their house. She found a collection of old films that he had owned as a kid.  One of them was E.T. a famous film from the early 1980’s about a lonely boy who befriends a lost alien who had accidentally been left on earth.  She fell in love with the idea and hoped one day she might get to meet an E.T. 

She also knew the stories of the not so friendly aliens.  The type that came to Earth not to make friends but to wipe us out or do painful experiments on us.  At this point even that seemed like a refreshing alternative compared to the life she was living.  Or if anything at least it seemed more exciting. 

She was more into the idea of making a friend.  She fantasized about showing an alien around earth and teaching them about our planet and our ways.  She fantasized about traveling with him and learning about where he was from and how they did things.  Maybe there she’d be important. Maybe there she’d be well liked and popular.  Or if it had to be where the aliens weren’t friendly, maybe she’d be the one to come up with a master plan on how to defeat them the way Jeff Goldblum did in INDEPENDENCE DAY. 

For now though, she was just a 32 year old nobody looking up at the sky continuing to wish that the flash she had seen would come back.  It most likely wouldn’t, but it was nice to think that maybe it would. 

Monday, April 15, 2019

Complete The Story: 9 of 198


Looking back, it could have gone either way. It didn’t work out, which makes it look like fate, or a stupid decision, or both. But at the time, I did have a few things in my favor. I had a 8-4 lead going into the third period.  I had taken Tri-County’s Brett Allison down three times in our match.  Looking back on it now, choosing to go down in the third period was not a wise move. I’d have been better off to have chosen neutral and gone for another takedown.

Allison and I had wrestled each other twice earlier that season.  In the dual I had ripped him apart 14-4, scoring five takedowns and a set of three near fall points.  It was an exciting win for me because he had been the conference runner-up and the sectional champion from the year before.  He had taken third at districts, being one match shy of state qualification.  It gave me a confidence I didn’t see often during my high school career. 

We met again at the Oskaloosa duals where ahead 9-4, Allison threw me in a headlock and pinned me.  The loss motivated me and I made up my mind that if we met again at the SICL Conference, I’d win our final battle. 

When the whistle blew, Allison tried to break me down but couldn’t do so.   I should’ve gone for a standup but for some crazy reason I went for a Granby roll.  Allison caught me half way through it, sat on my hips, readjusted and the referee slapped the mat. 

It’s a moment fifteen years later that still haunts me every bit as much now as it did then.  Nothing against Allison.  A kid with 100 career wins, and as said before a sectional champion.  It’s not like I lost to a slouch.   Yet being a two time SICL medalist would’ve meant something in my career.  It’s not the toughest conference in Iowa high school wrestling, but it is a respectable one.  I took a bronze medal my junior year and had it not been for being stupid out on the mat, I would’ve taken home another bronze medal my senior year. 

I suppose it’s one of those many things that make me hell bent on making it as a writer.  What makes me even after all the failures and disappointments I’ve endured for nearly two decades, continue to believe in myself.  I wanted to be a great high school wrestler and I worked very hard to be one.  A lack of athletic ability, a lack of natural talent and an assortment of other reasons I was denied that dream.  I may die having never done anything of significance.  I may one day be put six feet underground having never achieved anything of stature.  I suppose I don’t know for an absolute fact that I’m going to succeed in life.  All I do know is that I’m going to continue to try.  I’m going to continue writing screenplays, novels, novellas and short stories.  I want the name Stephen Stonebraker to be synonymous with writer, with story teller. I want the whole world to know of my work. 

The motivation, the determination, the refusal to ever give up,  had I won that match against Brett Allison that day, I don’t think it’d be as strong.  I don’t even know if it’d exist. 

It’s a surreal and confusing feeling.  I hate knowing how my wrestling career turned out.  I’m bitter and depressed about it often.   Yet on the same hand I realize that one day I may make it as a writer.  That one day a publisher may be interested in one of my novels.  That an agent may think I have a hell of an idea that could make some money.  That a television executive could think I have great ideas and want to bring me on board as part of the writing staff for his show.   The day it happens, the day I make it, I already know the reflection I’ll have upon my high school wrestling career ending in disappointment.  It had to. Had it not, I would’ve been content.  Had I been a great high school wrestler, I would have concluded I got out of life what I wanted and I never would have sought anything greater.  Writing would be nothing more to me than a hobby.  I know I never would have attempted a novel.  I know I never would have attempted a screenplay. 

I truly believe that someday I’m going to hold in my hands an award for something I wrote.  As I stare at it I’ll think of a 2004 SICL bronze medal that I failed to earn.  I think at that moment the anger, bitterness and sorrow I feel will leave my body.  For I’ll know that had I earned that bronze medal that day, whatever award I hold in my hands for my writing, I wouldn’t be holding. 

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Complete the Story: 10 of 198


I think about him often.  Where he's at. What he's doing. I wonder sometimes if he's even alive. I haven't see Cheung Yeung "Dan" Kim since I dropped him off at the Sioux City airport in late August of 2006.  The last I spoke to him via email was in June of 2007.  Even though its been nearly twelve years since I last heard from Dan I still think of him as one of my best friends. As eccentric, weird and strange as I am, I never thought I'd meet someone who thought like me.  Someone who saw the world as I saw it. Someone who had the thoughts and feelings I had. 

Physically Dan and I looked nothing alike.  I'm a short Caucasian. I like to think of myself, even with my Santa Claus bowl full of jelly as being somewhat built.  I have dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.  A long chiseled face, with a dominant chin.  Dan was Korean.  A round face, that split time between a gruff black beard and being cleanly shaven.  He too was short, but still quite a bit taller than me. 

Our friendship started as only as it could. He walked into my room one day and without even introducing himself said, "you're the kid that spends all his spare time working out right?"   I replied that who ever said that could be talking about  me as I went to the gym twice a day.  He said, "Good, I'm going with you."   And that was how it all started.

For the next two years Dan and I were the best of friends. I taught him everything I knew about pumping iron and he taught me what it means to truly not give a shit.  I like to think of myself as independent.  I like to think of myself as one who sticks to my convictions with bravery and sureness. I like to think I'm one who marches to the beat of my own drum without a care as to who likes it and who doesn't.  To a degree I think I am, but even to this day I'm nothing compared to what Dan was then. A lot of people claim they don't care what other people think, but I've never met anyone who exemplified that statement more than he did.

He was the most fearless person I've ever known.  He'd walk into a KKK meeting, look them all in the face and call them all a bunch of hillbilly racists. He had no problem with confrontation and he'd call anyone out for their bullshit. 

He and I once rode with a group of individuals to Sioux Center to use the bowling alley at Dordt.  Some of the people we traveled with for some reason or another didn't like me.  Not sure what it was about me they didn't like, but they didn't like me.  On the way back to Orange City, I sat in the front seat of the van, while they sat in the middle and Dan sat in the very back.  I tried to talk to the group and join in on the conversation but they never responded to me.  I figured it was because they couldn't hear me.  When we got out of the van, Dan said loud and clear that he knew they could hear me because he could hear me.  He looked them straight in the face, told them they were pompous and stuck up and he was sorry he associated with them because of the way they had treated me.  I can't say had it been the other way around that I would have stuck up for him in the same way. 

Another time Dan asked a girl out and she agreed to go on a date with him.  When he showed up to take her to dinner, she stood him up.  He tried to contact her to see what had happened and she ignored him. Later on that year, they took a speech class together. Dan gave a speech on dating etiquette. The do's and don'ts of dating.  While he never said her name, it was clear to everyone in the classroom that when speaking of the don'ts, he was referring to her.  Perhaps a bit petty in his vengeance, he was ruthless and relentless.

Dan was disappointed in the world.  He saw people as fake, dishonest and disingenuous.  He liked me because to him I was one of the few raw and real people he knew.  He often told me that he thought most of the world operated on image and perception.  That they weren't really themselves.  What they actually thought and felt was suppressed do to societal expectation, wanting to fit in and be accepted.  We didn't see who they really were, but who they thought they ought to be or who they thought others thought they ought to be.  Life and the people in it depressed Dan and he spoke to me about this often.

A little Chinese restaurant became a second home to us as Dan hated the cafeteria food at Northwestern College.  During that year, I think we tried everything on the menu.  The owner became so fond of us that she offered both of us jobs.  I felt I was too busy, but Dan took a position as a dishwasher.  He lasted about a month.  He was often late and sometimes wouldn't even show up.  While she loved Dan's personality, he wasn't very ambitious.  At least not when it came to showing up to do the dishes.  Knowing Dan as well as I did, I wouldn't call him lazy.  He wasn't lazy.  You can't go to the gym with me, as obsessive as I am about lifting weights on a daily basis and call someone lazy.  It was more a reflection of his depression. 

He came home with me over Christmas break as he had nowhere else to go.  His family was from Wilmington, Delaware and he couldn't afford to fly home.  So he rode the six hours back to Sigourney with me.  He got to spend the month of December seeing the little town and nearby Oskaloosa and Ottumwa that I grew up in.  I often wonder what that was like for him.  Such a different area than what he had grown up in. 

I suppose all the stories I have of Dan are anecdotal.  No real point. No conclusion.  No closure.  Simply a guy who misses a great friend of his, who he'd love to see again.  The optimistic side of me thinks that maybe Dan went back to South Korea.  He often talked of how his parents struggled to make it in the United States. How his father and mother were very poor and still felt discriminated against even after living here for twenty years.  I wonder sometimes if they didn't all pack up and move back to South Korea.  Maybe he doesn't have access to internet over there.   

I also wonder sometimes if he decided to shut himself off from the rest of the world.  He told me that he one day wanted to grow out his beard, grow his hair real long, wear it in a ponytail and spend the rest of his days traveling from town to town.  Walk the entire country.  I'd like to think maybe that's what he's doing.  It angers me a bit that he'd shut me off, especially for this long but it beats the other thought I have of him.

I sometimes wonder if he might have committed suicide.  Our last conversation as much as I try and block it, leads me to this possible conclusion.  Dan said that he felt life was going to be a consistent struggle for him from now on. He saw little to no reward in his future.  He never outright said that he thought of ending his life, but he made it clear that he wasn't looking forward to living it. 

I can't tell you how many times I've tried looking him up on the internet.  Found dozens of Dan Kims, Cheung Yeung Kims, and about everything else.  His father's American name was Peter, his brother's Thomas and his sister's Sarah.  They owned a small grocery store in Wilmington.  Dan, last I talked to him had started a t-shirt business.  Even with all of this information, I've never been able to find anything on him.  I talk to others from NWC, and they're even more lost when it comes to Dan than I am.  It's like he vanished into thin air.

At this point, I'm almost positive I'll never see Dan again.  My friend Tony Hofteizer and I joke of how if either of us ever makes it rich, we're going to head out looking for him. I honestly think that's the first thing I'd do if I won the lottery or struck gold as a writer. I can see myself getting all things in order and then heading out to Wilmington and doing a little investigating.  I'm scared of what I might find.

I'm close to 34 now. Someday I'll be 44.  Then 54, then 64 and so on.   I'll know then as I know now how hard it is to come across people in this life we call friends.  How difficult it is to find people who have your back and stick up for you in times of need.  One of my best friends Dennis Woods Doderer was six months shy of his 37th birthday the day I was born. That tells me all I need to know about the many things left to look forward to in this life.  Yet even with all of the many changes and things I'll endure, I know I'll always look back on my friendship with Cheung Yeung "Dan" Kim as one of the best I ever had. 

The only pictures I have of Dan and I.  Taken by my Aunt Shirley on Christmas Eve of 2006.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Complete the Story: 8 of 198

The yellow lines on the highway sped by in a blur, and we flew through the night, and we felt free. But we weren't, and we knew it. We were running away from something, running away was never the path to freedom. I thought about telling John to turn back. I thought about suggesting what he already knew. We had nothing. Enough money to share a meal and maybe one more tank of gas. We'd have to sleep in the truck. We didn't have enough for a hotel room.  A 2,340 mile trip from Biloxi, Mississippi to San Francisco, California and we were only in Houston.  There was no way we were going to make it. Another 1,900 miles to go, I wasn't even sure if we'd make it out of Texas before we ran out of gas. In fact, I knew we wouldn't. 

But it didn't worry him. He had no fear. Probably because back in Mississippi he had nothing. His parents already knew.  They disowned him and had kicked him out of the home weeks before. He had no family, no friends. No one to turn to. Except me. I'd like to think that had we been born at a later time that it'd been easier. It'll never be easy for young men or young women to come out, but I like to at least tell myself that it's easier now then it was then. 1950's Mississippi was not a place for us. Not that 2016 is. We were two 17 year olds who hadn't finished high school, who had no money, no jobs and nothing but a stolen pickup truck and each other.  It's selfish and it's petty of me to feel envy for young homosexuals today. If anything I should be happy for them  that they no longer have to endure the hardships that John and I had to.  Not that they don't have their own struggles, but today they have more places to go, more allies to turn to.  We didn't. What I ought to feel I suppose is thankful, but what I do feel is anger. Anger that I had to grow up in a time where John and I were denied our basic rights as human beings because we were different. Anger that because someone else felt freedom didn't apply to people like John and me. 


My parents didn't know about me.  Other than John, nobody knew. I could still turn back and I think I knew eventually that I would. As much as I loved hearing John tell stories of the beats and Allen Ginsberg, I guess I knew we'd never make it to San Francisco or at least I wouldn't anyway. When you're young, you can't help but put your dreams ahead of your realities. My fantasy was to live in a world where I could love John openly. Where our lives didn't have to happen behind closed doors.  Maybe had we been closer it would have happened.

Once we ran out of gas, a trucker gave us a ride all the way to Glenwood, New Mexico.  That's when we began to walk. It was hot and it was scary.  I never saw one, but I heard the rattles in the grass only a few feet away. It made me wonder what other critters might jump out and get us.   After what seemed like forever, we made it to the next town. I don't even remember the name.  It had a bus depot.  It was there, as I tried to sleep on that cold, hard bench that I realized that this was point of no return. One more step to the west and I was headed to San Francisco. Headed into the unknown, the uncertainty.  I began to panic at that moment, wishing I had never gone. John slept on the ground below me. As harmonious as he looked, I'd like to think he dreamed of our lives together in San Francisco.  That he imagined us living out our lives in adventurous reward.  I couldn't wake him from that. As soon as he woke, I'd let him know I had changed my mind. That I was going back to Biloxi. I figure I was about to crush his dream soon enough.  The least I could do was let him dream about it for a few more hours.

He told me he understood. He told me he supported me. I had security back home.  A well enough off family, high school to finish up and a job I could go to.  His grandpa had given him a ring that I always understood to be the most valuable thing that he owned. It was enough to buy me a one way bus ticket back home. 

I convinced my parents and everyone else that I had followed John out of Biloxi trying to get him to change his evil ways.  That I felt John wasn't really like that and I could change him. That'd I'd be the one to get him to give up his gayness and I'd bring him back the good Christian boy that he had been raised to be.  His parents thanked me and told me not to feel bad because they too had tried and failed. I was made out to be a hero. A savior, and thought to be one until the day they all died.

I never saw John again. Back in those days we didn't have cell phones and internet.  No one was in any hurry to try and look for him.  When asked where I thought he went, I lied and said Canada.  I have tried a few times over the years to look up John Milner, but I've had no luck.  It doesn't surprise me much, he always hated the name Milner.  Always said he couldn't wait to get married and take a different last name.  Sipes, it could have been, although I don't think it's much better. 

I saw on the news recently that there are kids who refuse to stand for the pledge. I stood for the pledge of allegiance every morning of elementary school.  I recited those words every time.  "With liberty and justice for all."   Every morning. Every single morning I'd say those words.  I guess all didn't include me, and it didn't include John. 

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Complete The Story: 7 of 198

Reporters are trained to develop a sixth sense, a nose for when a story smells fishy. And something about this one wasn't right. First of all, there was no way a single man could've gone into that burning house and pulled out all twelve of those children, plus the two adults. Not in that amount of time anyway.  According to eye witnesses he was in and out of that house fourteen times in less than five minutes. A faulty electrical outlet caused the fire to break out at 8:58 p.m. and by 9:02, everyone was out of the house and safe.  The man, who witnesses described as white male, 5'10, 150 lbs, brown curly hair had been wearing a backpack and a Central City Community College t-shirt had been walking with two other students when they noticed the fire.

"He just sprung into action." 18 year old Jessie Feldkamp said when questioned. "As we were walking I saw the smoke and yelled, 'Oh my God, that house is on fire!' We didn't even see him take off. He was in and out of that house with a little girl in a matter of seconds."

"He was like a bolt of lightning." 19 year old Heath McKimm added. "I've never seen a person move so fast in my life."

"We really didn't even see him to be honest." Feldkamp continued. "We just noticed more and more kids outside on the lawn a safe distance from the house."

"You mean you didn't even see him set the kids on the lawn?" I asked in disbelief.

"No."  There was no hesitation in her voice.  Her assurance was incontestable. "They just seemed to appear one by one."

"They seemed as confused as we were." McKimm said. "It all happened so fast that we had no time to process it."

"Did you see where he went afterwards?"

"No." They both shook their heads. "We didn't.  He just disappeared."

"What was the man's name?"

As quickly as Feldkamp and McKimm had been to answer my previous questions they hesitated at this one.

"His name?" I repeated again holding my pen against my pad.

Luckily for me the Fire-chief Jim Wilson was nearby with questions of his own.  Having more authority than a local reporter for the Central City Contributor, he didn't ask for respect, he demanded it.

"Barry." Feldkamp answered. "I think he said his name was Barry."

"His last name?" I continued my questioning.

Both Feldkamp and McKimm looked at one another as they motioned that neither one of them knew.

"We had just met him." Feldkamp said.

"We were studying at the library and struck up a conversation with him." McKimm added. "When we left to head back towards the dorms he decided to walk with us."

"You think he stays at the dorms?" I asked.

"I think so." Feldkamp answered.

I realized it was getting late, these kids were exhausted and probably had class in the morning. Their was no reason for me keep them here. I had their names and where they went to college. If I needed them again, they'd be easy enough to find.

Jim Wilson must have felt the same way as he told them to be safe and get on home.

"Chief." I asked him. "Have you had a chance to talk with any of the victims? The children? The adults."

"No." He answered. "They were all taken to Methodist Regional to get checked out. I'm going to head that way here after a bit. Had to make sure that everything was ok here first."

"Could a young man really have done all of that by himself?" It was one thing to talk to two young college aged kids, but I needed an expert opinion. The opinion of a man who had served our community for the past 27 years as Fire Chief.

"God, I wouldn't think so." He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. "But there were some other witnesses here before you showed up.  There story was exactly the same as those two kids we just talked to."

"Said that the kid ran in and out of the house carrying each of them one by one to the safety of the lawn?" 

"My boy Jack was a two time state champion in the 100 yard dash. He still holds records at the high school.  He couldn't have done that. Not carrying 25 to 50 lbs kids or two adult women that weighed at least 125 lbs.  Not that fast. Not that quick. No way." 

"Do you think that's what really happened?"

I'd dealt with Jim Wilson a number of times over the years.  This wasn't the first major fire in Central City, nor would it be the last.  Yet, in all of our many encounters, I'd never seen him as confused as he was now. Normally he was about as assured of a person as you could get. A man who easily deciphered truth from fiction.  Now as I watched the cigarette dangle nervously in his hand, I could tell for the first time in his career he couldn't make sense of the situation.

"The amount of oxygen rich blood that it would take wouldn't even be humanly possible." He continued. "Running up and down those stairs.  Carrying all those kids.  I don't care how good of shape you're in. No one's conditioning is that good." 

"Do you think that there might have been others that were helping him?"

"There would have had to have been." Jim Wilson almost seemed angry as he spoke. "You can't exert yourself that hard and that fast. The human body isn't capable of it." 

He took a long drag of his cigarette, which seemed to calm him. 

"But" He continued. "No one saw anyone else other than him."

"I'm going to head over to Methodist." I said as I put my pen back into my pocket.

"Don't go bugging those people with 10,000 questions Nick." 

"I won't Chief."

I could see him eyeing me as I got into my car and took off for Methodist Regional.  I knew I wasn't going to have much luck talking to the small children, so I decided to start with the two adults. 

"Becky Baumer?" 

She was sitting up in her hospital bed watching TV when I entered her room.

"Yes." 

"Mrs. Baumer I'm Nick Retherford of the Central City Contributor.  I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Ok."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

She let out a big sigh and gave me a half smile. 

"If you're too exhausted we can do this another time."

"No." She gave a small laugh. "It's not that.  I'm not injured or anything. I actually had an asthma attack.  That's why I'm in the bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Excitement triggers it."

"I can imagine."

"Mr. Retherford." She searched for the words as her eyes went back and forth between the TV and me. 

"Yes?"

"I don't think you're going to believe me."

I pulled my pad and my pen from my shirt pocket. 

"Try me."

"I was putting the last of the kids to bed." She said. "Some of the parents work late and don't even come to pick them up until 10:30.  Sometimes even 11.  Cindy, the other woman who runs the day care with me screamed that there was a fire in one of the rooms. I told her to grab as many kids as she could and to get to safety as soon as possible."

"What did you do?"

"A little girl was staying in the room that was on fire.  I knew I had to get to that room first.  So I ran as quickly as I could. The room was filled with smoke.  I began to panic that maybe it had gotten her. That she had been burned or the smoke might have gotten her, but then I heard her crying."

"Did you have trouble finding her?"

"No.  She was right there.  I picked her up and did my best to comfort her and then..."

"And then what?"

"He just appeared.  Out of nowhere.  He was just there.  It startled me.  I didn't even hear his footsteps as he ran into the room.  He said he was there to help. He asked me to hand her over to him.  I did."

"And?"

"He looked me in the eye and said, 'I'll be right back for you'  He took off and before I could blink he was back."

"He took her from the upstairs to the grass outside that quickly?"

"No." She gave another small laugh. "He took her from the third floor outside that quickly."

"And then all of a sudden he was back for you?"

"Before I knew it he was back in the room.  He said he was going to carry me outside. And I tell you what the strangest thing was."

I stood in anticipation for her to continue.

"He told me to take a deep breath because we were going to have to run through the hot smoke.  I feared that I wouldn't be able to hold my breath long enough. Especially since I have asthma. But we were out of the house and onto the lawn before I could even think about it."

"10 seconds?" I was trying to gage how fast we were talking.

"More like one or two." She answered.  "It was like a flash."

"Like a what?" I asked

"A flash."

I wrote the word down and headed back to the office.  This was breaking News, something that wasn't going to wait until tomorrow. I needed to write this as quickly and get it out as fast as I could.

"A flash." I thought to myself. "He came in like a flash."

I sat down at my computer and began to write.