Stephen Stonebraker's Top 10 Favorite Female Actors

10. Catherine Hicks

 

In a way it's really a shame that Hicks is so well known for her role on "7th Heaven" because there is so much more to this vastly talented actor than the wholesome, Christian valued, family woman that she plays on the series.   Hicks is a vastly decorated actor that has the talent to play a variety of roles and has proven it in some lesser known films and made for television films.   As she proved in "Child's Play" in 1988, she has an ability to do horror as well.

9. Cher

 

This is a real rarity for me to add a singer on my favorite list of actors, as most of the time I feel that singers ought to stick to singing and stay out of acting.   In this particular case though,  I have to bow down and give credit where credit is do.   Even though Cher is much more known for her musical talents, I actually feel she is a better actress than she is a musical talent.    As good as she was in "Mask", "Mermaids", "Suspect" and especially "Moonstruck"  I'm surprised she wasn't offered more roles.   Unlike most musicians who try and make the transition from music to films,  she was quite natural in front of the camera and very realistic.   I'd like to see her in more films.   She's quite good.

 

8.  Molly Ringwald

 

Molly Ringwald is my Kevin Costner, on my list of Top 10 Male actors.   She doesn't have a wide arsenal of roles that she can play, but what she can play, no one can play better.    Unfortunately for Ringwald, her expertise is playing a teenage girl stuck somewhere between wanting to be popular and yet remain nice to everyone.  Not exactly a role she's going to win at age 46.    Nevertheless I absolutely adored her in "Sixteen Candles", "Pretty in Pink" and "The Breakfast Club".     She was also quite good in "Teaching Miss Tingle" and I'd have liked to have seen her in similar roles.   It seems that she's succumbed to less meaningful roles however as of late.  I'd like to see her rejuvenate her career but I'm not exactly sure what types of roles would suit her best at the moment.   Perhaps the mother of the type of girl she used to once play.  

 

7. Jennifer Jason Leigh

 

What makes me love Jennifer Jason Leigh is that she has such talent that she can make me love her, hate her, want to kiss her and want to slap her.   If her objective is to create a character that the audience can fall in love with, she can do just that.  If her objective is to create a character that the audience will absolutely loathe, she can do just that.   A lot of beautiful actresses are unable to play the role of a vicious antagonist because the audience cannot allow themselves to believe that a beautiful woman would be capable of such horrific atrocities.    Even though Jennifer Jason Leigh is phenomenally gorgeous, she is so good at what she does, that she can make her audience forget how beautiful she is, and truly despise her for the despicable acts that her character commits.   To me that is true talent and why I adore Jennifer Jason Leigh as one of my favorites.    "Fast Times At Ridgemont High", "The Hitcher", "Backdraft" and "Buried Alive".  Jennifer Jason Leigh can play an absolute sweetheart that you want to wrap your arms around in a big warm hug and she can play the part of an all out evil bitch that makes you want cringe at the sight of her.   She's truly one of the best.

 

 

 

6.  Penelope Ann Miller

 

Pronounced, "Pen El Oh Pee" and not "Pen elope" as I thought when I was younger.   Penelope Ann Miller has been one of my favorite actresses since I was a little kid.   Her appeal to me?  As you've probably guessed it,  her diversity as an actress.  She can play a complete nerd, with no sexual appeal whatsoever and then turn around and portray a complete knockout.   Whether she's playing the part of a loser or a well renowned popular citizen, she's playing the role with complete believability.   "Kindergarten Cop", "The Adventures in Babysitting", "Big Top Pee Wee" and "Awakenings" she has the ability to play whatever character is put forth in front of her.

 

 

5. Lori Petty

 

A lot of people give Lori Petty a lot of crap because of some personal decisions that she has made in her life and some professional decisions that she has made such as "Tank Girl" and rightly so, but she's also been in a variety of films where she has done an outstanding job in her role.   I don't get why sometimes in Hollywood fans, directors and other actors seem to forgive others for personal and professional mistakes/wrong doings/mishaps but not others.   I'm not sure what Lori Petty did that is so bad, to where she can't get the type of work she is more than capable of.    "Point Break", "A League of Their Own" and "Free Willy" I thought that she was fantastic.   In the late 80's and early 90's she seemed to have a career that was going places.  It stopped, understandably, but as far as I'm concerned it should have started again.   Time's ticking away, but there is still plenty of it left to do just that.

 

4.  Kirstie Alley

 

Kirstie Alley is a phenomenally talented actress that has proved her capabilities in both television and in film.   She does seem to play many of her characters the same way, but in the way that she plays them, she does a very good job.  I really like the way she handled her weight gain and took it head on, rather than let it get the best of her.  Even though tabloids, the news and talk show host tried to bury her, she stayed alive and well and when she lost all her weight, she shoved it hard back into their face.  Whether she was on "Cheers" as Rebecca or she was in films such as "Look Who's Talking", "Look Who's Talking Too" and "It Takes Two" she has always stepped up to the plate and done a great job.  

 

3.  Lea Thompson

 

Lea Thompson has always been one of my favorite actresses, who I feel was a bit type casted throughout her career.   I saw her in two episodes of "Tales From the Crypt" and didn't realize her capabilities to do horror until I saw them.    I almost feel that taking the role in "Caroline in the City" may have been a bit of a mistake as I think it really hampered what could have been an illustrious movie career full of many more titles.   She was phenomenal in the "Back to the Future" films, "Dennis the Menace" and I'll go as far to say "Howard the Duck".    I'm a huge fan of Thompson's and hope to see her more in the future.

 

 

2. Roseanne Barr/Pentland/Arnold/Thomas

 

Every single fat and unattractive female actor that ever makes it in the world of film, owes at least a little something to Roseanne.   She was a pioneer that paved the way for extremely talented female actors who weren't blessed with good looks to have a legitimate shot at making it in Hollywood.   She is one of the funniest women to ever grace the television screen and she is also one of the best dramatic female actors to ever be on screen as well.    She may not always be the most pleasant person in the world and she may not always have popular opinions but she laid a foundation down for the unattractive community to be able to shine in front of the camera.   Some say that she was just practically playing herself on the television show "Roseanne".  I say that maybe, but she obviously did one Hell of a good job playing herself, because audiences resonated enough with it to make it a #1 rated show and have it last for 9 seasons. 

 

1. Dianne Wiest

My favorite female actor of all time is Dianne Wiest.   I love watching her on the screen and I never grow tired of her.  A very diverse female actor that has the ability to play a multitude of roles.   She can play genuine and sincere and then in her next role play flakey and sinister.    I realize that after a long and illustrious career that her time in films has worn thin and that truly saddens me because she is just so good at what she does.   "Footloose", "The Purple Rose of Cairo", "The Lost Boys", "Parenthood", "Edward Scissorhands", "The Birdcage" and "I Am Sam" are just a few examples of her immense load of work.  



 

Stephen Stonebraker's Top 10 Favorite Male Actors

10.  Eddie Murphy

 

I consider Eddie Murphy to be one of the funniest people on the planet, and I enjoy him so much because of his comedic timing, his improvisational genius and his ability to mix comedy and drama near perfectly.   In theatre and film there is something known as "comic relief" but with Murphy it's often just the opposite.  You are laughing so hard that you actually need a break from the comedy, and Murphy will provide, "serious relief."   His comic genius shined through in "48 Hours", "Another 48 Hours", "Coming to America",  "The Nutty Professor",  "Dr. Doolittle" All of the "Shrek" films and "I Spy".   He showed us his ability to do drama in the action/comedies "Beverly Hills Cop" and "Beverly Hills Cop 2".      His career has thus slipped off the Hollywood radar after a few bad decisions personally and professionally.   Rumor has it that he is currently working on "Beverly Hills Cop 4" which I am optimistic about.   "Beverly Hills Cop 3" was a disappointment and I'd like to see both the series and Murphy's career revamped.

9. Kevin Costner

 

Kevin Costner gets a lot of flack and I'll admit that some of it is well deserved.  He is not a diverse actor that can do a multitude of different things.   He's made a list of horrible films from "The Postman" to "3,000 Miles to Graceland" to "Water World" and he has proven that he should always just use his normal everyday voice, because his accents in "JFK" and "The Company Men" are downright laughable.    Yet, with all that said,  what Kevin Costner does well,  he does extremely well.    He's one of the best dramatic actors and he's more than proved that in "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", "Dances With Wolves",  "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", "The Bodyguard" "A Perfect World" and "The War".   As an actor you want to branch out and try new things, but unfortunately for Costner his career slipped when he tried playing roles that were clearly out of his range.   He recently came back to portray Jonathan Kent in "Man of Steel" and I hope to see him in some more dramatic roles in the future.   Perhaps some would conclude that Costner is not all that great of an actor considering that his capabilities to play comedy, horror and a list of other roles is very limited.   I disagree with that notion, because of how incredibly talented he is in playing dramatic roles.   He's one of the very best. 

 

8. Edward Norton

 

I remember the first time I saw him on the big screen nearly 17 years ago.  I thought to myself that this guy is the next big thing.  He will soon be the face of Hollywood.   He acts with such precision and puts all of himself into the role.  He completely encompasses the character that he is playing.    Why Hollywood has not utilized him more and made him into the top star that he truly deserves to be is discerning.  All of these other actors that they're trying to push and have been pushing for years makes me shake my head.   Norton is better than all of them.    His performances in "American History X", "Red Dragon" and "Pride and Glory" were phenomenal.   He was even magnificent in "Fight Club" and I didn't even like that movie.   He can play cool and collected,  insane and a variety of other roles.   I question his ability to do comedy, but I'd trust him to do absolutely anything else.  

 

 







7.  Tom Hanks






What can't this guy do?  Honestly,  what can't Tom Hanks do?  He can be dramatic, funny, scary and anything else you want him to be.  There is not a role that you can give this man that he cannot play.   What I admire most about him, is that I don't think he was born with the immense talent that he has developed.   If you go back and watch his roles from the early 80's and then compare it to stuff he was doing 10-15-20-25 years later, you can see how much he has progressed as an actor.   He is truly a student of the stage and that shows in every role that he has ever done.    While he's not my favorite,  I have to say that if I were asked who the greatest actor during my life time was, I'd almost have to say Tom Hanks, with only one other person in contention.    Every role he plays, I forget that he is Tom Hanks, and I honestly believe that he IS the character that he is playing.    "Splash", "Dragnet", "Big", "The Burbs", "Turner and Hooch", "Radio Flyer", "Sleepless in Seattle", "Philadelphia", "Apollo 13", "Forrest Gump",  All three "Toy Story" films, "The Green Mile", "Cast Away" and "Saving Private Ryan"  the list goes on and on.   He's made a multitude of phenomenal films.    He truly is one of the all time greatest.

 

 

6.  Dustin Hoffman

If you were wondering who the other person in contention for the greatest actor during my lifetime was,  here he is.    Dustin Hoffman's career has spanned over five decades because the man can do absolutely anything.   There is no role that this man cannot play.   He is the most diverse actor I have ever seen and most likely ever will see.   If I had 1/8 of the talent this man does as an actor,  I'd consider myself to be great.  That's how outstanding he is.    He can play his roles so well, that you don't even realize that it was him until you watch the ending credits.   On top of being so talented,  he is modest enough to where he doesn't always have to take the lead role.  "Dick Tracey" being an example of that.     If you have any question about his ability as an actor check out, "The Graduate" "All the Presidents Men", "Kramer vs Kramer", "Tootsie",  "Rain Man", "Hook" and "Sleepers".     The only time I've ever seen him play a role, where I felt he could have done better is "Death of a Salesman".   I suppose I enjoyed the way Lee J Cobb played Willy Loman in the 1966 version that I just wouldn't except any other adaptation of the role.  

5.  John Candy

 

I tear up a little every time I think of the man and how much I miss seeing him on the big screen.   It's hard for me to believe that it's been 20 years since his untimely passing.   He was taken from us way, way too soon.    Candy was a pioneer in many respects, because he proved that despite being unattractive, large and obese,  that a man could have such charm, eloquence and heart that audiences could fall in love with him.    He could play dramatic, he could even play mean or crass, but what he excelled at most was comedy.   "Splash", "Summer Rental" "Brewster's Millions, "Spaceballs", "Plains, Trains and Automobiles", "The Great Outdoors", "Who's Harry Crumb", "Uncle Buck", "Cool Runnings", "Wagon's East" and "Canadian Bacon."   I'll never turn down a film if John Candy is in it.   He's one of those guys that I wish I could have known.  Every character he ever played,  I would have liked to have been friends with.   I wish that he would have had the chance to have played a few more serious roles, even something suspenseful.  I think he would have surprised a lot of people with his capabilities and his talents.  It's a real shame that we couldn't have had him longer than what we did.  We were more than gifted with his presence. 

 

 

4.  Robin Williams

 

The day Robin Williams died,  I have to say that I felt like I had lost a friend.  I suppose it's because we had so much in common.   We both have a great passion for the sport of amateur wrestling and the positives that it did for our lives.  We both absolutely love to entertain people.  We both have a genuine and sincere empathy for humanity and we both battled the horrible demon of depression.  I suppose it sounds asinine for me to say this, but I almost feel in part, guilty for his death.   Yes, I know how crazy that sounds, but I had such a high admiration and respect for the man,  that I wish I could have somehow been there for him when he needed a friend.   I'll never be to the world as an actor what he was as an actor and as of right now I can only dream of being to the world as a writer, what he was an actor.   I will make it as a writer, to what degree though, I don't know.  If I make it as big and as bold as I dream to,  I hope to be as beloved by my fans as Williams was by his.    Here I am speaking on behalf of him as a person, and rightly so because he was an outstanding human being.  Don't kid yourself though, he's on this list because of his immense talents as an actor.    "The World According to Garp", "The Best of Times", "Dead Poets Society", "Awakenings", "The Fischer King", "Hook", "Aladdin", "Mrs. Doubtfire", "Jumanji", "The Birdcage", "Father's Day", "Good Will Hunting", "Patch Adams" and "RV", Williams did it all.  He could make you laugh, he could make you cry, he could make you scared, he could make you think and he could make you feel.   He was truly an amazing person on and off the screen.

 

3. Christopher Lloyd

 

If you haven't noticed by now,  I am very big on an actor's ability to be diverse in the roles that he chooses to play.   It's why I love Christopher Lloyd so much.  He can play the straight man, and he can play the funny man.   What a lot of people don't realize about Lloyd is that he didn't have success right away.  He spent years working in theatre, before he finally got his first big break on Broadway in 1969.  He was pushing 40 by the time he landed his first film role in 1975.    I sometimes get discouraged as a writer, thinking that I'm damn near 30 and I have yet to even  place my hands on the rungs, let alone take the first step up the ladder.  Then I think of Lloyd and remember how long and how hard he had to work before he was discovered.    From "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next" to "Clue" to "Eight Men Out" to "Angels in the Outfield" to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" to "Dennis the Mennis" Lloyd has played a variety of different roles.   None of which have been as iconic as his role as Dr. Emmett L Brown in all three "Back to the Future" films.   If I had to pick my favorite character from film, it'd be Dr. Emmett L Brown.  

 

 

2. Michael J Fox

 

There are a lot of people in this world that are exceptionally talented that don't have the love and passion for whatever it is that they are talented at.   There are also a lot of people in this world that have an immense love and passion for something that they have no talent at (Me at amateur wrestling!).   Then there are people that have an unbelievable, immeasurable love and passion for something that they are incredibly talented at, and that is Michael J Fox at acting.   I hope I have the honor and privilege of meeting Michael J Fox someday and shaking his hand.   I wish that everyone in life could be as passionate and dedicated towards something as he is/was towards acting.   Damn Parkinson's disease to Hell because the world of film deserves to be graced with the talents of Michael J Fox and Michael J Fox deserves to be acting, where he was meant to be.    In all three "Back to the Future" films, "Teen Wolf", "Doc Hollywood" and "Homeward Bound" he showed the world his unquestionable ability to play a role that can only be played by him.   I wish that before he came down with Parkinson's that he would have had the opportunity to have played more roles like what he did in "Casualties of War".    I would have even liked to have seen him play a role in a horror or suspense film.   He always played the part of the protagonist and I believe if given the opportunity he could have been a great antagonist as well.   I would have liked to have seen that.  Maybe one day I will.   Michael J Fox is truly one of the greatest and one of my all time favorites.

1. Donald Pleasence

What makes having Donald Pleasence my favorite actor of all time, is that I actually didn't discover him until his death.  Entertainment tonight ran a short piece about him, in which Paul Rudd and Marianne Hagen spoke on his behalf.  After listening to Rudd speak so highly of Pleasence and his ability as an actor, I decided to check him out myself.   I started with "Halloween" and really, I had to go no further.   I was 10 years old at the time and I can remember vividly watching him on the screen as Dr. Sam Loomis.   It was then that I decided that I wanted to be involved in entertaining people.   It was then that I decided that I wanted to take a shot at acting and see if it was something I could do.   It was then that something snapped inside of me and told me that in some way or another,  what would make me happy in life would be to entertain people.   As the years went by,  I began to discover novelist S.E. Hinton and Stephen King, along with screenwriters John Hughes and Eric Roth, to realize that my real talents and gifts lay in creative storytelling and writing.    It was watching Pleasence however, that sparked the flame of my desire. 



There you have it.  My top 10 favorite Male actors of all time.   Honorable mentions in case you  are wondering are the multi-talented John Malkovich and the action star Patrick Swayze, who both just narrowly missed the top 10 list. 

Halloween themed films to watch this Halloween

 

One of the things that makes Halloween one of my favorite Holidays, is all of the awesome films that have been made in its honor. Some of them scary horror films, others in good natured comedic fun and still others with more of an adventurous theme.   Halloween is a holiday that has many things about it that makes it great, and the movies made in its honor is one of them.

Here are some that I recommend.


Key

Orange - Will indicate horror films



Blue - Will indicate comedy films




Purple - Will indicate action/adventure films

The Halloween Franchise



 

The Halloween Franchise started in 1978 and if you count Rob Zombie's two horrific (pardon the pun) reimaginings,  it lasted for 31 years.  Rather ironic when you consider that Halloween falls on the 31st day of October.  Most everyone loves the original "Halloween" and "Halloween II."   They work so well  together as a continuous film, that is so well put together, it's hard to believe that there was a three year lapse in between the two films.   They seem as if they were filmed continuously.

It's a very simple storyline, about a mental hospital escapee that terrorizes a small Illinois town on Halloween night.   No cheap scares, no over the top gore, and an ensemble of characters that you can invest in and care about.   If you're looking for a suspenseful and scary film that will keep you on the edge of your seat for the entire movie, I highly recommend at least checking out the first two films in this series.

Parts III through VIII are hit and miss amongst fans, with the same being said about Zombie's versions.

For me "Halloween III: Season of the Witch" as a sequel completely falls flat, but as a stand alone film, I have to say that it is pretty good.   It has absolutely nothing to do with the first two Halloween films and it has nothing to do with it's predecessor "Halloween IV" either, but if you treat it all in a world of it's own, it's a good film.    It's about an evil warlock at a factory known as Silver Shamrock who puts curses on Halloween mask, that will activate when the kids watch a Silver Shamrock commercial, thus killing the kids.   While their are a few parts in the film that do use the element of gore, it once again is much more about mystery and suspense.   Without saying to much more about it, I will say that it is one of the best ambiguous endings that I have ever seen.  Usually ambiguous endings leave me feeling unsatisfied but not this one. 

"Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers" is hardly a shadow of the first two Halloween films,  but compared to some of the films that follow it, it's not half bad.    Donald Pleasence once again returns to fulfill his role as the heroic Dr. Loomis, and Ellie Cornell, along with Danielle Harris are welcoming additions. 

"Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers" is the weakest out of the Halloween series, and frankly the one to skip if you're going to skip one in a movie marathon.   A weak script, with some very asinine executive decisions, that wouldn't even be watchable if it weren't for Donald Pleasence's performance.  Nevertheless there are a few parts of the film that are rather clever.

"Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers"  -  It's hard for me to talk about this film, because I read it's original script and know how good this film could have been.  It is a film that was ruined by the actions of a pretentious and spoiled director that took a well written script, and completely butchered the Hell out of it.   Paul Rudd said that he took on the role of Tommy Doyle in the film because he loved the script and was thrilled at the honor of working with the legendary Donald Pleasence.  After the film was over, he said that he hated worked with Joe Chappelle and would never touch another Halloween film again because of how bad his experience was.  Marianne Hagen and Mitch Ryan had similar comments.   Even with all of the films flaws, it still has quite a few parts that hold up well, because the script was so strong to begin with.   If only there were a way to go back in time, and have the film done with the original script, it would be without a doubt the strongest film in the series.   You can even get a glimpse of that, as you watch the film. 

"Halloween H20" - Many fans of the series consider this to be the saving grace, that breathed life back into the series.  I feel that it was a good film and would have been a great film, had it not been missing Dr. Sam Loomis.  Unfortunately, he passed away two years prior to the making of this film and couldn't be a part of it.   It brings the focus back on the element of sister vs brother, and was a much better done film with the budget and backing of a box office film vs the B film treatment that the other three films before it received.   It has nothing on the original first two Halloween films, but it is pretty good.

"Halloween Resurrection" - Whatever "Halloween H20" did to try and save the Halloween series, Resurrection did what it could to put it back into a coma.  Trying to make unlikeable characters into heroic protagonist is an idea that I've never quite gotten.   "Halloween Resurrection" is not a film about horror or suspense.  It instead plays out much more like a game, where you root for Michael to kill everyone and cheer loudly at the screen each time he does.  

I'll give Rob Zombie's "Halloween" remake enough merit to say that it has an awesome cast and it is an extremely well lit film.   Other than that though, the film bites the big one.   A petrifyingly bad script, that contradicts itself multiple times throughout the film and has continuity errors up the wazoo.   As for his version of "Halloween II" I have absolutely nothing good to say about it.   Some people liked it though.

Based on my recommendation for sure check out the original "Halloween" and "Halloween II"  and if you want take a gamble on the other eight movies.    They're hit and miss with a lot of people, and you won't know until you try.

Ernest Scared Stupid

 

One of the stronger films out of the Ernest P Worrell franchise, "Ernest Scared Stupid" is a delightfully funny film, with a good strong story and fairly good performances out of the cast, considering how young and inexperienced most of them were.   Ernest is working as a city garbage man, when he accidentally summons an evil troll back to life that wrecks havoc on the town by turning the children into little wooden dolls.  Now that he caused the problem, it's up to him to try and fix it.   Along with the help of a few friends, Ernest sets out to defeat the troll and get the kids back to normal.

Hocus Pocus

 

Here is one that the whole family will enjoy.   Adventurous, funny, suspenseful and even a touch of horror.   Bette Midler, Sara Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy are all fantastic as the evil, yet stupid Sanderson sisters.   If you're looking for a film that is just plain fun to watch with children, a significant other, in a large group or just by yourself I highly recommend this film.  



Once Bitten

 

I'm normally not real big on Vampire films because they're either way to over the top for me on gore and seriousness without comedic relief or they're way to prissy, with unnatural and fake romance like "Twilight".     "Once Bitten" is an exception.   It's a bit corny and it's ridiculous but it's also fun and entertaining.   If you feel like a good laugh on Halloween night, check this out.

Scream

 

The Scream films are almost difficult to classify because while they are a parody of horror films that poke fun of the supposed rules and standards that each horror film must follow, they were not done in a comedic tone.  They were still, in spite of the fact that they were parodies, horror films, meant to frighten, thrill and scare.   The first "Scream" was a pioneering film that was truly the first of it's kind.  To this day, "Scream" remains the only franchise that I know of  that has parodied a genre, without being sarcastic or comical about it.    In this franchise, parts One and two work very well together, with part four being the strongest and  most clever of them all.   Part 3 in comparison to the other three films is a bit weaker, but do not skip out on part four just because you may not like part 3.   Part 4 is one of the best part four films of any that I've ever seen.  It proves that if done right, franchises do not have to get weaker as they go along. 

Scary Movie

 

 

There are five of these films, and while they poke fun of an assortment of different horror films their main focus (at least in the beginning) was "Scream".   Rather ironic to see a film parodying a film that was already a parody.    Of all of the films, I feel that part two was the strongest in story and laughs.   In all of the other parts,  the jokes were hit and miss with me.  Some making me drop significant amounts of weight trying to catch my breath, with others not even registering a smile.   All five films are fun, and worth the time of checking out.   If you like a film that is pretty much little more than a gag reel,  you'll enjoy all five of these.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th

 

A rather good, entertaining and funny flick that is often forgotten by the masses because of it's unfortunate release date.   It doesn't suffer from being a "copy cat" of the "Scary Movies" because it didn't come out after them.   It also doesn't suffer from being the original parody of a parody film either, because it didn't come out before "Scary Movie" either.   It ironically came out at nearly the exact same time that "Scary Movie" did and in my opinion, is just as good.  It has a good cast, it's well written and it's very funny.   If you enjoy forgotten about/never heard of films that are pretty good in spite of the fact that none of your friends know anything about it, then I highly recommend this hidden gem.

 

Sleepy Hallow

 

Sleepy Hallow is an action/adventure film full of mystery, suspense, horror and enough comedy relief to make it a phenomenally well rounded film.  Performances out of Johnny Depp, Christine Ricci and Christopher Walken are magnificent.   There have been many retellings of the classic story of "Sleepy Hallow" and this is my favorite of all of them.   Tim Burton has done a lot of films, and this is by far one of his best.

Casper

 

Taking a well known and beloved cartoon series from yesteryear and turning it into a full length feature film is a huge risk that sometimes pays off and sometimes doesn't.   In the case of "Casper" it most certainly paid off.     Funny, touching and sentimental, without being unnatural or fake,  "Casper" is a well done film that has a bit of everything for everyone.   If you have kids and like to watch films together as a family, I think this will be one to take a look at.  It's also a lot of fun to watch alone as well.

"The Halloween Tree"

"The Halloween Tree" is a bit difficult to classify, because it is tame enough and kid-friendly enough to where it cannot be classified as a true horror, but it also touches on enough adult oriented themes (For example, rather heavily enough on death) that you can't treat it as a wholesome Disney family film either.   I wouldn't recommend parents of small children to watch this as a family, because it does have some frightening parts. However, parents of children 9 or older ought to feel perfectly safe having their kids watch this.  Really if you are an avid lover of scary films, like I am, this is the absolute perfect film to start your kids on if you hope to get them into the horror genre.    It's a great film, with its strongest element being its heavy focus on friendship.   Four friends set out on a mission, Hell bent to save the life of their best friend.   One of the best animated films I've ever seen.




I also highly recommend, if you're able to, check out Halloween themed episodes of television shows.   "Roseanne" had three or four Halloween oriented episodes that were fantastic.    Many anthology series like "Are you Afraid of the Dark" and "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" also had some good stories centered around Halloween.

Halloween is a great holiday, to dress up in costume, eat candy and other junk food and enjoy some good films!

Check out the films that I've recommended.  Whether you're a fan of horror, comedy, action adventure, a combination of the two or all three I've listed so really good films!  Check them out!  

Iowa's Infamous History

 

Iowa has a lot of very rich history, and lot of neat, interesting things within that history to be proud of.  However,  Iowa has also had some incidents throughout its history that were not so pleasant.  Some of the most notorious and sadistic people that have ever walked the face of this earth, have spent time in the state of Iowa.  While Iowa pales in comparison when it comes to such notorious individuals, don't kid yourself for a second.  It has had its fair share.

Gertrude Baniszewski

The incident actually happened in Indiana.  It is one of the most disturbing and horrifying stories that ever happened.  Sylvia Likens and her sister Jenny, were left in the care of Gertrude Baniszewski, a trusted friend,  when their parents, traveling carnival workers took off on the road.   For 3 months, Gertrude tortured Sylvia, doing unspeakable things to her, before finally killing her in October of 1965.   For these heinous acts against Sylvia,  Baniszewski was incarcerated from 1971 through 1985 and upon her release she moved to Laurel, Iowa.    She lived in Laurel (a small community near Marshalltown) until her death in 1990.  

Al Capone

 

 

Say the word, "Mobster", "Gangster" or "Mafia" and the first name that comes up in almost anyone's mind is the notorious Al Capone.  It is a well known, recorded fact that Capone's favorite drink was Templeton Rye, the famous whiskey made in the otherwise insignificant very small community of Templeton.   It has also been said that during periods of time when Capone needed to lay low for a while, that he thoroughly enjoyed the Iowa communities of both Fort Dodge and Ottumwa.  The Historical Museum even has photographs of Capone staying at the Hotel Ottumwa, and enjoying a cocktail while at the bar.   It is said that Capone thought highly of the state of Iowa, and enjoyed his visits there.

 

Jesse James

 Jesse James was known to frequent the Hawkeye State from time to time during his days as a notorious outlaw.   Besides robbing a train in Adair, for $3,000,  there are stories floating around that he kept some stolen cattle up near Eldon and that he had friends he hid out with for a while somewhere near the Creston/Osceola area.  

 

 

John Wayne Gacy

One of the most well known, sadistic and just plain evil serial killers of all time John Wayne Gacy, who murdered at least 33 young boys during his killing spree, lived for a short time in Waterloo, Iowa where he managed at Kentucky Fried Chicken and was president of the local chapter of Jaycees.   It's also noted that his first known crime, an act of sodomy, was committed while in Iowa as well, in which he served time in Anamosa for. 

Victor Feguer

 

 

His murder of Dr. Edward Bartels isn't the most notable thing about Feguer.  The fact that he was the last person to be put to death in the state of Iowa, is.  Feguer was executed on March 15, 1963 and he would be the last person in the United States to be federally executed, until Timothy McVeigh on June 11, 2001.    It's also noted that Iowa Governor Harold Hughes, who worked hard to abolish the death penalty in the state of Iowa, contacted President John F Kennedy in effort to have Feguer's sentence commuted.  Kennedy denied, and Feguer was put to death.   Shortly after however, Hughes was successful in abolishing the death penalty in Iowa.

Robert Hansen

Robert "Butcher Baker" Hansen who raped and murdered 17 women in the state of Alaska between 1971 and 1983, was born and raised in Estherville, Iowa.   He also worked as a drill instructor at a police academy in Pocahontas where in 1960, he was sentenced to 20 months in prison for burning down a school bus barn. 

 

Tommy Carroll

While Tommy Carroll was not originally from Iowa,  nor was their ever an account of him killing anyone,  he was killed himself in Waterloo, Iowa after years of countless crimes including robbery as a member of the famous Dillinger Gang.  Carroll's string of crimes ran throughout the 1920's and 1930's, some taking place throughout Iowa. 

The Fryer Brothers

In the summer of 1973, Allen, David and James Fryer were out fishing and hunting near Rock Rapids, Iowa when they came upon a group of five teenagers, four boys and a girl sitting around a camp fire smoking marijuana.   The brothers carrying shotguns, came up on the scene, pretending to be narcotics agents.   They killed two of the boys immediately and then eventually the other two, before taking the girl hostage, bringing her back to a farmhouse and brutally raping her.   All three brothers are still alive and serving life sentences. 

Dustin Honken

Honken's five murders in 2005, near Mason City, Iowa, aren't what is most notable about him.  What is most notable about him, is the fact that he was the first Iowan since Victor Feuger to be sentenced to death.  While Iowa does not carry out the death penalty, a jury found Honken's murders severe enough to warrant the death penalty.  He was moved to Indiana, where he still awaits his execution today.

 

Gang Lu

In November of 1991, 28 year old graduate student Gang Lu, infuriated that he had not won the prestigious D.C. Spriestersbach Dissertation, opened fired with a .38 caliber pistol, killing 5 individuals in the process and injuring 2 others.   This incident known simply as "The University of Iowa Shooting" left a black eye on the institution that has been repeatedly drugged out from under the rug, any time a similar incident happens at other schools.

Gayno Smith

Gayno Smith murdered 6 people between Martinsburg and Hedrick, Iowa in 1962.    I put him on here for no other reason, other than the home in which some of the murders took place is a house I've driven past literally 1000's of times going from Sigourney to Ottumwa over the last 29 years of my life. 

There are more notoriously infamous individuals that have some connection with the state of Iowa other than those I have mentioned today.   Mr. Fred Gilliland my high school Government, Economics and Psychology teacher told us a story about a guy from Iowa that murdered his family, but upon being arrested was not read his Miranda Rights.  As a result, he was released immediately from prison and never had to pay the price.   I've researched the Hell out of that topic and have not been able to find anything about it.     

I also remember about 15-20 years ago and incident happening where two kids from around Oskaloosa went on a wild rampage of robberies, where they killed a few gas station attendants.  I was unable to find any information about this incident either, but distinctly remember it happening sometime in the late 1990's.

There is also a story that was made into a made for TV incident that I believe either took place in Iowa, or in another state along the border of Iowa.   A group of high school kids, who were ticked off at a bus driver for one reason or another,  pulled over the bus with shot guns and then kept the bus driver and the remaining kids on the bus hostage in a bomb shelter with little food and little water.   One of the high school kids feeling guilt, went to the authorities about what had happened.

 I even know of a murder that took place very near where I grew up back in 1992.  A young man had been dating a girl a few years younger than him.  When the young man went off to college at Indian Hills in Ottumwa, he broke things off with the girl. Infuriated, the girl wanted to get even with him for breaking up with her.  Another young man, from Rose Hill, was infatuated with the girl and she convinced him to kill ex-boyfriend for her.    On his way to Indian Hills,  from what I understand the young man stopped at the Hayesville Junction, seeing the young girl on the side of the road looking as if she had car trouble.   When he got out to help her,  the young man from Rose Hill appeared from where he had been hiding and shot and killed him.    I'm not sure whatever happened to the young man, but the young woman was released from her prison sentence this past year.

Lastly, also in reference to my hometown, Sigourney.  We dealt with the very unfortunate and extremely sad ordeal of losing one of dedicated officers, when he was murdered in April of 2011.  It was the first time in 25 years, that an Iowa officer was shot and killed while on duty.



Woof in Britches

It was early Saturday morning, damn early.  Too damn early to be specific.  So God damned early in the morning, that by the time I arrived on the scene at 12:01 a.m., it still felt like Friday Night.   There the dog, pants, boots and all laid on the ground, passed out from whatever alcoholic contraption it had been given.

"The concert is in less than 13 hours, and my number one act is passed out drunk!!" Hugh Don VeeDee, who most everyone around Purple Town knew as just VeeDee was going hysterical.   Years ago, he had came up with an idea to have an all animal talent show at Southeastern, the local college in Purple Town.   It was a huge hit amongst the town, having over 2,500 people show up year in and year out.  While people would come from all over to participate in the event known simply as "Mush",  it was VeeDee himself who had the greatest act, or at least that's what he'd tell you.   He trained his dog, Woof, to put on a pair of pants, along with a pair of boots and dance as he sang songs about himself, dedicated to himself.    VeeDee called the act, "Woof in Britches"

"Detective!" VeeDee yelled at me as Doc Parker,  the local vet, examined the passed out dog, "It's about high time you got here!"

VeeDee wasn't exactly known for his patience.  I had gotten the call from my superior about 11:50, and was told that someone had gotten VeeDee's dog plastered drunk and that I was to go out and investigate it.   It only  took me 11 minutes to arrive at the scene, but you'd have thought I'd have taken all day. 

"Whoever did this to woof" he demanded loudly, "I want found and brought to justice immediately!"

"Do you have any idea who would possibly want to get him drunk like this?" I asked trying to get a lead on some possible suspects.

"Who would want to do this?!?!" VeeDee laughed mockingly, "more like who wouldn't want to do this?  I run the most successful animal talent show in town, in the country, on this earth,  if they have animal talent shows on other planets, in the whole damned world!  No one can beat 'Woof in Britches'  He has been judged as first place ever since the conception of Mush."

I thought to myself that perhaps the reason why VeeDee's act "Woof in Britches" continuously received first place was because VeeDee did the judging himself.     The act was good, but there were other acts that I felt were just as good.  Yet those acts could take all of the silver and bronze medals in the world, the gold always went to "Woof in Britches"

"So you think it could have been any of the other contestants?" I asked writing down some notes on my notepad.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they all conspired to give my dog alcohol and put him in a position to where he couldn't compete" VeeDee was very sure of himself on his assertion.

"You want me to question all 99 of the other participants?" I asked as VeeDee took out a dog biscuit from his pocket and began to eat it. 

"Yes" he said as he began chewing, "I want all 99 of them questioned before the show starts today" 

"What time are they supposed to arrive for registration?" I asked.

"10:00 a.m." he answered as he finished the dog biscuit.

"That only gives me 3 hours to question 99 people!"

"They're all guilty anyway!" VeeDee yelled as he began to go into an interpretive dance, "They should all be disqualified and first, second and third places should all go to me! To me! I deserve them!"

He than sat down and began to cry.  

"Oh come on" I said as I sat down beside him, "It's not the end of the world"

"You don't understand" he sobbed, "You've never been through anything like this before"

Even though I had been through something extremely similar before, I knew from experience not to try and empathize with him.  VeeDee was the type of person who thrived heavily on sympathy and often sought it.  He wanted you to feel sorry for him, but he did not want you to relate to him in the least bit.  Try telling him of an experience of your own, similar to the one he was going through at the moment and he'd snap at you like a mean alligator snapping turtle, poised to make you sorry you ever stuck your empathetic finger anywhere near him.   VeeDee was one of those people that didn't want to know that someone else had gone through similar pain.  He wanted all of that pain to himself, he wanted to wallow in his own woe, alone, with the idea that only he had to experience such a devastating tragedy. 

"How's the dog?" I asked Doc Parker as the dog was still passed out

"Oh" Doc Parker said scratching his head, "He ought to be awake in a few hours.  I imagine that when he wakes up, he'll have one hell of a headache"

"How long will that last?" I asked hoping that maybe Doc Parker would give at least a glimmer of hope that Woof would be ok in time of the talent show.

"It could last until Sunday" There went all of the hope I had for that idea.   It was clear to me that there was no way that Woof was going to be able to participate in this year's Mush.

"VeeDee" I said as he sat on the ground talking to himself, telling himself how horrible he had it and how no one in the history of the world had ever had to deal with such a thing, "Have you thought about canceling the show?"

"No!" VeeDee stood up, "I will not cancel the show!"

"You just can't have everyone show up at the show, announce that everyone has been disqualified, award 1st, 2nd and 3rd place to yourself and then leave!" I cried trying to knock some sense into VeeDee.

"Like Hell I can't" he said, "that's exactly what I'll do"

I began to feel a little bit of what would later on be Woof's hangover, as my head began to pound something fierce on it's own.  If I already didn't have enough to deal with, I now had this on my plate as well.  Most of the audience had bought their tickets in advance.    Those tickets weren't cheap either.  At $15 a pop, VeeDee had made himself a pretty little profit.  Southeastern only charged him $500 for rental and his only other overhead was the measily $10 he'd pay to each of his five volunteers that helped him run the show.   Southeastern took care of concessions, and he had a friend who manufactured medals.  Supposedly VeeDee gave him $1000 plus the cost of the three medals for first, second and third prizes, yet after VeeDee paid taxes on the event, I want to say that he still cleared $30,000 profit.

The animal talent show usually lasted from 1:00 to 9:00 with each of the 100 acts being given 5 minutes.  I had never made it through an entire Mush, but I had known others who had sat through the entire 8 hours.  It just wasn't something I could do. 

VeeDee himself would give me such a hard time about it too, "you just got here!"  He'd say to me as I'd get up to leave after sitting my chair for four hours, watching a variety of different acts done by cats, dogs and other pets.  

"I have business I have to attend to" I said to him as he'd roll his eyes at me, and shake his head.  

I once saw VeeDee a local talent show for people.  He had arrived at 8:00 and told his date who he had arrived with at 8:20, that he was ready to leave.   He hadn't even been their 20 minutes, and he was ready to leave, because he found the show to be boring and mundane.    I found it a bit hypocritical that he'd become outright angry and even verbally insulting towards anyone if they left before the 8 hour Mush talent contest was up.  

Mabe Hebner, who ran the talent show for people confronted him about it, later on that night at the "No Drunk" all alcohol free drinks bar.  

"VeeDee!" he said to him,"What's the big idea of leaving my people talent show so early? You weren't there hardly 15 minutes when you got up to leave!  I stayed at Mush the whole damned time!"

"It was boring" VeeDee said as he took a sip of his non-alcoholic martini.

"Boring!?!?" Hebner slammed his fist on the counter, "Well maybe I think that Mush is boring!"

"Ha!" VeeDee said as he slammed the rest of his non-alcoholic martini, "You don't know what boring is! Mush is art! Mush is the greatest interpretation of true art that there is!  It's music, dancing, singing, interpretive dance, acting, speech and everything beautiful about theatrical expertise that there is"

"So is my talent show" Hebner said as he took a few shots of some non alcoholic whisky

"No" VeeDee said with his usual narcissistic tone, "No, it is not"

"You know it all son of a...."

That's when I intervened,  watching Heber ready to take a swing at VeeDee and catching him right before he let VeeDee have it.

I got the two to shake hands, and on their own they even ended up hugging one anther.  I found it strange, oddly enough that they blamed their little fiasco on the fact that they had both had too much to drink, considering that all of the drinks at the bar were non-alcoholic.


It was now 1:58 a.m.   Doc Parker gave VeeDee some advice on what to do when Woof woke up and took off. 

"Do you think that maybe Hebner is behind all of this?" I asked VeeDee as I put on my hat and coat ready to skedaddle myself. 

"No", VeeDee answered as he pet the still passed out cold dog, "Hebner wouldn't have done this"

"I'll be back about 9:30" I told him as he just nodded at me.

I got home at a quarter past two, wondering who in the world it could have been that had slipped alcohol into Woof's dog dish and gotten him so drunk that he passed out.   Who would stand to benefit from this?  There was no money in the contest.   The only real difference between 1st, 2nd and 3rd prizes was the color of the medal and where you stood on the award stand.    It wasn't anyone that really cared all that much about getting first place for the sake of getting first place.   It had to be someone that wanted to get first place, just for the sake of it to finally be someone other than VeeDee.   This was personal.   Everyone knew how much it meant for VeeDee to be in the local Purple Town paper year in and year out with his picture on the front page as the Mush champion.   Someone didn't want his picture in the front of the paper. Someone didn't want him to win Mush.  Someone didnt' even want him to compete in Mush.   I could now narrow it down to anyone that got sick of how much of a braggart VeeDee became every year around this time.  I could now narrow it down to anyone that got tired of how VeeDee would make copies of the picture of himself in the paper and poster them up all over town.   I could narrow it down to anyone that just wanted to take a break from the month's worth of gloating that VeeDee would do every year post the results of Mush.   I could certainly narrow it down.  Only problem was, that described about everyone in Purple Town!

Hell, even I had grown tired of VeeDee and how he'd go from the restaurants to the gas stations to the libraries and even disguise himself as a motivational speaker for the school, only to rip off his disguise after his presentation began to brag about winning Mush and gloat about how wonderful he was in general.   Whoever put the alcohol in Woof's dish had to have been someone that was hoping that by doing so, it would cause VeeDee to have to drop out of the competition and therefore not win the contest.   There wasn't a single soul in Purple Town, including myself, who could honestly say with a straight face that they wouldn't like the idea of that happening.  

Truth is though, I wanted to find out who it was though.    I wanted to find out because as much of a pain in the ass as VeeDee could sometimes be,  he could also be a rather pleasant guy to be around at times too.  Furthermore, I liked Woof.   I felt bad for Woof at times because people would sometimes associate VeeDee's behavior with Woof.  Woof was a friendly little dog, nice to everyone and it wasn't fair the way some would label him as pompous and arrogant, just because his owner could sometimes be.

I found myself falling asleep and waking up around 8 in the morning.

"Hebner" I said after I dialed the numbers and after two rings he picked up, "Have you heard about what happened to Woof?"

"Yeah" he said to me, "VeeDee called me in the middle of the night last night.  He sounded real sad about what had happened, and then he got real made about it too"

"Oh yeah" I said prepping Hebner to tell me more about the conversation

"Yeah" he said back to me, "He then sorta gave a bit of a giggle and said that you had asked him if he thought it was me"

"Hebner" I said to him wanting to clear the air before things escalated between him and I, "I simply asked him that because of the ordeal that you guys had a few years back at the non-alcoholic bar"

"I know" he said very calmly to my surprise, "I know that detective.   I know you didn't think I did it and VeeDee doesn't think I did it either.  Yet he still had to ask me if it was me that did it"

"And what did you tell him?"

"It wasn't me detective" he said back to me, "Matter of fact, I'm probably the only guy in Purple Town that actually wants VeeDee and Woof to win Mush"

"You actually enjoy it when VeeDee wins Mush?" I asked him more than a bit flabbergasted.

"Yeah" he said back to me, "If I listen to him go on and on about himself, and feed his ego with compliments, he usually covers my food and drinks at the bar"

That was the thing about VeeDee, he could annoy you till the cows came home telling you about how much he admired himself, and how good he looked in his picture in the paper, but if you chose to sit around and listen to him, and furthermore agree with him  about how wonderful of a person he was,  he'd often treat you to a drink, a dinner or both.

Hebner, was now out of the question.   One suspect down, 99 to go.   This was going to be a long day.  

When I arrived at Southeastern for Mush,  I went into the little office where VeeDee would make sure everything was in order before the start of the show to speak with him.   He was in their with Woof, who was awake, but looked sicker than a....well a....well...uh....uh...dog.    His eyes were droopy, he tried to get up to come over to greet me but he was still too drunk to make it.  So I went over to him and gently patted his back.

"He's only getting worse too detective" VeeDee said to me with a concerned look on his face, "Doc Parker told him to give him plenty of water as it would help with the hangover and to let him throw up if he needed to"

"Has he thrown up?" I asked

"Just once" VeeDee answered, "I already cleaned it up"

"You going to the kitchen area to get him water?" I asked, "or are you just using the sinks in the bathroom"

"Neither" he said pointing past me at some bottled water up on the shelf behind me, "I've been giving him bottled water"

I took a look at the bottled water up on the shelf.  There were approximately 15 or so left.   Feeling pretty gal darn thirsty myself I asked if I could have one.

"Sure" VeeDee said back to me, "No more than I can get Woof to drink, I doubt he'll want all of them"

As I opened up the bottle, I asked VeeDee, "Are you still going to announce that everyone else has been disqualified at the beginning of the contest and then announce yourself the winner of 1st, 2nd and 3rd place via disqualification?"

"I don't know" he said, "I'm going to give who ever did this the opportunity to come clean and if they admit it, only disqualify them"

"You mean to tell me that you'd let the contest continue even though you aren't going to be able to enter it?"

"Maybe" I couldn't get a yes or a no out of him

"Even if you weren't able to win it?!?!" 

I couldn't even get an answer out of him with that question.    He just starred down at Woof, with both sorrow and anger in his eyes.  Angry at whoever had gotten the dog too drunk to compete and saddened, probably more so for himself than he was for Woof.

I took a big swig of the water and immediately spit it out as it burned my throat, and caused my eyes to water.   This wasn't water in the waterbottle, it was Vodka!

"Why did you spit your water out all over the floor!" VeeDee yelled at me.

"This isn't water VeeDee" I said to him handing him the bottle, "this is Vodka!"

He took a small sip himself, made a bitter face and handed it back to me.

"Where did you get these supposed bottles of water?" I asked him

"Doc Parker gave them to me"

Doc Parker! It was Doc Parker! Why would Doc Parker, of all people want to give Woof, Vodka?  I got up immediately from my chair, ran out the door, got into my car and got to Doc Parker's office as legally fast as possible.

"Detective" he said to me as I walked into his office, "What brings you here?"

"I know it was you" I wasted no time cutting to the chase, "why'd you do it?"

He knew there was no use of trying to convince me of his innocence, he knew he'd be caught and there was nothing left to do but to come clean.

"A lot of reasons" he said as he offered me a chair as he sat down in another.

"Ok" I said to him sitting down.

"99 reasons" he said to me making eye contact with me and allowing me to absorb his statement.

"Were you paid by the other contestants to get VeeDee and Woof out of Mush?" I said trying to put everything together?

"No" he said, "not that"

"Then what?" I said confused

"Almost everyone brings their pet in to my office at least once" he said to me, "I just feel so bad for those animals, always being told by their owner that they're second best, that they aren't as talented as Woof.  Some owners even get downright mad at their animals, asking them why they can't be as perfect as Woof.  It just makes me sick"

"So you thought that if you could show the rest of the world that someone else's pet besides VeeDee's could be the best, that maybe that would put an end to that?"

"VeeDee brags and brags and gloats and gloats every year.  If you try telling him that your pet is just as good as his, even though your's didn't win Mush, he'll badger you and badger you until you agree with him that Woof is better than your pet.  He manipulates people and he brain washes people into believe that their pets are all second rate compared to Woof"

"I know he does"

"I love Woof" Doc Parker said as he began to break down, "I really do.  I didn't mean to get him as drunk as I did.  I didn't want to hurt him, it's not Woof's fault, I just didn't know what else to do"

"I know Doc" I said to him, "but you did, and you're going to have to fix this."

Doc Parker followed me to my car as we made our way to Southeastern.  I had no idea what was going to happen.   

When we walked in, I took a deep breath, knowing that once Doc Parker admitted to what he had done, things might escalate to a very verbally violent confrontation.

We walked into the office where VeeDee was giving Woof actual water.

"VeeDee" I said standing in front of Doc Parker, "Doc Parker, has something he'd like to tell you"

It was clear to me that VeeDee already knew what Doc Parker was going to say.  VeeDee wasn't exactly the smartest individual I knew in life, but he wasn't stupid either. 

"VeeDee" Doc Parker began, "I was the one that put alcohol in Woof's dish."

"Why?" No swears, no screams of anger, just a simple inquisition is all that came out of the mouth fo VeeDee

"Well..." Doc Parker began, "to tell you the truth...."

Doc Parker went on for 15 minutes straight about everything that we had talked about in his office and all of the ways in which VeeDee would drive the whole town nuts with his narcissistic arrogance.   When he was finally done, their was a very awkward silence that lasted over a full minute.   Doc Parker and I sat their waiting in anticipation for VeeDee to explode in a shrapnel of anger defending himself.

"You honestly think I'm arrogant?" VeeDee seemed much more sad than he did mad as he looked from Doc Parker over to me, "You think I brag and gloat?"

"Well," I said now feeling sorry for VeeDee, "We all do a little, even me and Doc Parker, don't we Doc?"

"Yes" he said, "I found myself being pretty damn proud of a calf I saved here a week ago"

"Yeah" I said, "and to tell you the truth, anytime I solve a case, I can get a little cocky about it myself"

"It's just that you never seem to give it a rest" Doc Parker said, "You go on and on about how great you are and how great your ideas are and how only you know anything about true art and how you're the absolute best"

"And" I said seeing an opportunity to bring up another subject at an opportune time, "How you're often the only one who has ever had to experience anything bad, when you're going through a bad time.  A lot of us have had nights like you had last night"

"Well I don't know anything about that..." he almost seemed like he was going to get angry for a second but then he relaxed, "but I wasn't even aware that I gloated or bragged at all."

Doc Parker and I looked at one another, trying hard to not look like we were silently saying, "Are you serious!?!?"

VeeDee was serious though.  He was totally naïve to  how we perceived him, to how most everyone in Purple Town perceived him. 

"I'll try and be more self aware of it" he said to us standing up, "I appreciate you guys bringing this to my attention.  I can't promise you that I wont' brag and gloat, but I'll do what I can to not be as bad about it."

Both Doc Parker and I knew that VeeDee was going to be just as arrogant and cocky as he had ever been, but we both walked away from the office with a new, clearer understanding of the situation.   VeeDee wasn't a narcissistic pompous to be an ass.  He was that way, because that was just his nature.   He didn't gloat and brag to get on people's nerves or to be annoying,  it was just a part of who he was.   It didn't make it any less irritable.  It was still just as annoying as it would ever be. 

When the night was all said and done, Mush went on with it's performance and at the end of the 8 hours worth of animal skits, "Hung-over Woof in Britches" still took first place.