I look back on my life a lot and wonder where I went wrong. It's hard not to. I graduated high school when I was 18 years old. Thirteenth out of fifty-two kids, 3.3 GPA. High enough to mention I suppose but not high enough to matter. For shits and giggles or more so to prove my father's point correct, I remember searching for jobs that summer.
I had my choice between shitty jobs with shitty pay or "Come sell insurance for us!"
At the time it sure seemed like Dad knew what he was talking about. The years of preaching. The shoving it down my throat on a daily basis. The yelling and the three hour long lectures that went with it whenever a grade was below a C. It all made sense. A college degree was necessary. It was essential.
I had a lot of confidence at the time. A lot of belief in myself and what I was capable of. Perhaps that was my downfall. My whole life and I do mean my whole life. I mean then, I mean now, I mean 25 years from now-All I've ever wanted to do with my life was somehow in someway be part of the entertainment business. If you ever wonder why I seem like a depressed and bitter miser, its because that's what I want to do with my life and I'm not doing it.
I don't know if you could have talked me out of going down that road. I know I chose the wrong college to go to. I do know that. And maybe that in itself is the answer. Maybe it's not what I studied, but where I studied it.
My Dad doesn't seem to think so.
I had it all planned out. I was going to get my undergrad in theatre and then get a graduate degree in screenplay writing. That was the plan from seventh grade and I never even thought of or considered anything else.
Things didn't work out.
And now the year is 2017. I have nearly 10 years of working experience. A degree in History Education at a 3.5 GPA, Dean's list honors all of my junior and senior years.
I'm 32 years old and I have my choice between shitty jobs with shitty pay or "Come sell insurance for us!"
Oh, and before you tell me, I already know. I can also go into the military. I actually did look into that about a year ago. I'm getting too old to begin with and secondly I have no interests. I don't think I'd fit in at all and I think I'd be seen as a burden/exile by my fellow comrades. If that's not enough. I spoke to an Air Force recruiter. Per her testimony going into the military wouldn't be much a help to me at all. Already existing loans aren't their area. Loans for future college plans are. Her words.)
But I digress, I'm going off on a tangent.
Back to the point.
I think I'd have been better off to not have gone to college at all. Or to have gone to a community college and called it good.
My Dad thinks I should have gone to college for something more, "practical"
Well would that have worked? Could I have done that?
Maybe.
Film production? It still sorta/kinda puts me in the realm of the entertainment world and while careers aren't flourishing they aren't exactly scarce either.
Maybe instead of screenplay writing I should have thought more along the lines of creative writing? Yeah, I'd still be in the same boat I'm in now huh?
Truth is nearly anything and everything I could have done, been good at, been happy doing doesn't fall under the "practical" umbrella.
And if it's my job to be practical then it ought to be everyone else's job to be practical too. My brain doesn't work in certain ways. I'm not a math and science guy. I realize those jobs are lucrative and pay a lot of money. Get you a lot of respect and admiration from the community, but they're not for me. An engineer who designs and builds bridges and interstates and skyscrapers I'm sure has an awesome job, as does the architect who helps him. They're not jobs I could do. So take it for what it is or be a pretentious pompous about it and say, "that's just cause he wouldn't try." Either way, moving on.
Law? Could I have done law? I don't know. Criminal justice has always fascinated me. I love watching television shows and movies about law enforcement. My cousin Patrick is an officer and I have friends who are lawyers. I don't know how it would have turned out, but that is a path I could have seen myself taking. I read a book while in school called, I CHOSE PRISON by James V Bennett. He said that if you went into law, regardless of the specifics you would always have a job. He said that in 1970, but I imagine it still true today.
My mom thinks I should have gone to school for social work. She thinks I would have made a great counselor or social worker. After things fell apart at Northwestern College, she wanted me to go to William Penn and get my degree in Social work. Maybe I should have.
Journalism is another degree that always excited me. However as much as I've been used, abused, underappreciated and exploited in the world of amateur wrestling media, I'm not so sure that would have been a great idea either. The pay always seems mediocre at best and you're often charging people, "too much" for your work, even if you do it for free.
Public Relations and Communications? I worked in that field for three years and having a degree in it would have helped. Seems like an interesting enough field. Maybe this would have been the answer?
Psychology would have been a lot of fun. It's neat to imagine myself like Dr. Fraser Crane from CHEERS. I imagine though that while the four years would have been a treat to study that I'd most likely be in the same predicament I am in now. Only I'd be able to come up with better comebacks and insults. Take deep, layered shots at those who tried to demean me. I'm already pretty good at it. I suppose with a psychology degree, I'd be downright deadly.
Computer science is the degree that lies right on the edge for me. There's math involved and science but, not hard math. Not the type of math that says, "Stephen I hate you and you forever shall known it!" But good math. Math that is my friend. And the type of science that I think I could understand. Science is always something I've appreciated, admired and loved in many ways. Let like a Lisa Turtle to a Screech Powers or a Laura Winslow to a Steve Urkle, something that has always been repulsed by me and treated me with the fiercest rejection.
Could I have been practical? Studied a practical major? Gotten a practical degree? Gotten a practical job? Became a practical person?
No.
Hell right now as I sit here looking over all of the many majors offered at colleges and universities around the world, I find yet another one that fascinates me a great deal.
Zoology. Now there's a major I think would have been a lot of fun. Yet what the Hell does one do with a zoology degree? Work as an intern at the Des Moines Zoo for nothing dollars and nothing cents an hour?
Ooh, how about Oceanography? Sure as Hell would need to get out of Iowa to make use of that one, huh? And maybe that's the issue. Maybe staying in Iowa has been my downfall. I don't know.
What I do know is that it is my turn on bottom....STILL. And I do believe strongly that I'll have my day on top. I still haven't given up on my dreams. I'm still a writer. I'm not a successful one yet, but I'm still a writer. I still have hope. I still have faith.
I'm only 32 after all as they say. Whoever they is.
